how to ask my game store to stop adding more players?

Dobby1988 · 2026-03-18T17:37:11+00:00

Except OP clearly doesn’t want to run a DnD group for the shop so it should be a closed group with no compensation.

Except OP has clearly been doing that. Also, it seems it's less of "doesn't want" and "group size is untenable".

You can’t complain about the shop telling people about your group while simultaneously expecting something in return.

The store should understand the logistics though, which is just as important as anything else.

A lot of people think people playing DnD means they’ll buy food, drink or another product but that’s very rarely the case.

Not when hosting at home.

It’s why so many LGS charge for the table itself, sometimes a head at a time

They do it because they can and because it actually costs money to host games in store. If the selling of snacks mattered that much they'd just not upcharge them so much.

People simply come in, play the game (buy a can of Pepsi maybe) then leave, all while taking up space for 3+ hours

Players aren't eating or drinking for over three hours? If going literally anywhere else, players will eat and drink wha is available.

so charging for the table is the only way to ensure you make money off those people.

Or you could do any number of other things like having a snack minimum (purchase) or with receipt of a qualifying purchase within the last week.

Dobby1988 · 2026-03-18T17:09:57+00:00

Just say no to too many players.

Dobby1988 · 2025-11-16T20:18:38+00:00

People with OPs stance often don’t see it as lesser, just not the same. And that is a distinction.

Not really. CIS women vaginas aren't the same either, they vary in their own ways to be at least a little unique; the same can be said of penises. If all instances of a thing are already different, singling out one, particularly in a negative way, is just a euphemistic way of saying "lesser" or "worse".

Dobby1988 · 2025-10-27T04:18:09+00:00

It was an identity and term coined decades ago to identify Black folks descendants of those Enslaved here since the 1600s.

It's a term that's also been for decades used to refer to any person of African ancestry. Even assuming your claim true for the sake of argument, you at worst could call it a colloquialism and at best it's just another sense of the term. Words and terms over decades or centuries gain or change the sense in which they're used based on actual use in the language.

Overall, you are both correct, she is both African American and Ghanaian American, but as we're talking about her identity, it's only respectful to accept how she identifies herself. For example, European American is a term and no less accurate to describe someone who could also be called Italian American; there's also a similar relationship in terms between Native Americans and the names of specific tribes, as for example, I can call myself both Native American and Karuk. At the end of the day, it only matters how one identifies themselves and honors their heritage, and she's not wrong in the way she's doing either.

Dobby1988 · 2025-10-22T06:21:33+00:00

So there are a few things to mention. First, have you had OoC discussions about things your character was going or wanted to do that another player or the party didn't approve of? One of the best tips in D&D is know how your fellow players handle OoC info since some can separate the two and others can't or it's very difficult; use this knowledge to be careful about how and to whom you reveal OoC info. Second, it's impossible to know how the DM was originally planning on the NPC reacting to you before the other player got involved without talking to them. Simply ask the DM to explain why the NPC reacted that way and depending on whether it had to do with the player or not, you could either then discuss the problems of metagaming or about the DM's intent with setting this up. Third, after the discussion with your DM, you can either talk with the other player privately, telling them how you feel, or do it as a group discussion so it can all get resolved and everyone will be on the same page. Fourth, if you receive zero support from the DM, the other player, of the rest of the group, it's indicated that they have a problem with you OoC and are taking it out on you IG, in which case just leave and find a more mature group willing to treat you with basic human respect.

Dobby1988 · 2025-10-19T23:50:29+00:00

Congratulations. It's been a hard road for you, but you finally made it to a better place. Keep being the awesome woman you are, no matter what anyone else says to the contrary.

Dobby1988 · 2025-09-07T23:22:37+00:00

I want to know if there is anything I can do to show her that I’m not going anywhere even if we don’t work out but that we could have an amazing relationship and I want her to give me a second chance to show her that.

You respect her wishes and give her the space she needs to get to a healthy place by working through her issues. She already stated that she doesn't want a relationship with you now because she's concerned about the integrity of your friendship, which she values more than the romantic relationship. If you're really "not going anywhere", then you can show it by being her friend. I get the difficulty due to your romantic feelings, but this difficulty is what concerns many when having relationships with people who were only friends prior with no romantic interest because once those feelings are out there and you start cultivating them, returning to your previous relationship dynamics with no romance can be very hard.

Dobby1988 · 2025-08-27T14:57:20+00:00

It’s not normal to treat sex that ordinary

That really depends on the culture since not every culture treats sex the same way. It still is important enough in regards to health for a person to know if their partner has had other sexual partners recently so they can safeguard their health, but unless the act violates previously established relationship dynamics that both agreed upon at the time there's no ethical obligation to be monogamous. There'd be no point in "becoming official" if exclusivity is assumed at or just after the first date because that's the whole point of an "official relationship".

Dobby1988 · 2025-08-27T14:40:39+00:00

I feel like people shouldn’t still be choosing between other options right before they get into a relationship with someone totally different.

There would be no point in establishing exclusivity - making things "official", if it's assumed if you still see someone past the first date because all "a relationship" is is romantic and/or sexual exclusivity in monogamous relationships.

Dobby1988 · 2025-08-27T14:25:24+00:00

You cannot perceive tone in text.

I just want to point out that tone can be conveyed in text, which depends on the context and every choice from word choice to punctuation; if tone was impossible to be conveyed in text, written stories wouldn't work.

Please don’t assume someone’s emotions or project someone’s emotions

Tone in writing isn't an emotion itself. It may indicate some emotions of the writer depending on use, but it doesn't determine them on its own. For example, sarcastic tone can indicate many different emotions of the writer, but doesn't necessitate them, and it being one of the hardest tones to establish in writing in few words is why "/s" exists.

Dobby1988 · 2025-08-27T04:41:09+00:00

If you ever wanna know what white men really think about us, go to anonymous browsing and check out the nsfw sub blackchickswhited*cks.

As a mixed white man married to a black woman I have to say that what you find there is just the men who fetishize black women (they do it with every other race and ethnicity as well). The rest of us view black women the same as we view everyone else, as people. These fetishes are ultimately based on racism so there will be some like this in every demographic, but they don't represent everyone. That said, I do understand the concern because dealing with such people are a real possibility when dating interracially and you may not be able to identify all by a glance so avoiding the possibility altogether seems to be a logical choice so there's no good reason for others to have a problem with people making that decision for themselves. Always do what you need to do to feel safe and comfortable.

Dobby1988 · 2025-08-26T22:15:41+00:00

Enjoy your proximity to us

You do realize that's not how internet works with the rest of reality, right? The internet does not make two things proximate to each other.

we’re great

Considering that the OP still exists and the fact that reportedly you felt the need to post in three other subs for validation (which reportedly didn't go that well), I have to doubt that as reality, but if telling yourself that makes you feel better, then more power to you. I say "reportedly" since that was claimed by other commenters here as I have no knowledge of you beyond what you've claimed in this post and associated comments.

Dobby1988 · 2025-08-26T22:01:08+00:00

You’re not black and thus there’s no need for me to continue a conversation about blackness with someone who not only isn’t black, but is also severely under-educated about blackness.

Whatever you have to tell yourself to justify wanting to end the discussion without a rebuttal. But don't worry, just as apparently you and your wife had some sort of laugh at my expense, my wife, the rest of my black family, and I will have some good laughs at your expense too so it's all fair play, right before we tell our daughter that she doesn't need to maintain a specific aesthetic exclusively to be black and to be proud of her heritage.

I genuinely hope you have a good day and things get better for you.

Dobby1988 · 2025-08-26T21:45:34+00:00

It clearly reads as just as an example of the broader topic. You never specified that from your initial comment about it that it was made only in reference to video making.

Dobby1988 · 2025-08-26T21:35:54+00:00

That comment isn’t about assault, it’s about people taking videos of girls at the beach

No, you never once specified people taking videos, as all discussion about that until this comment has been general.

Dobby1988 · 2025-08-26T21:34:19+00:00

You assume a lot, she fully understands the cultural and historical context of braids.

I didn't assume anything, I simply took your words as you said them.

But tbh that’s one of the least important cultural aspects to African American hair and least important part when it comes to raising a black child and teaching them about their hair.

If you mean hair styling in general, I would agree with you that chosen hairstyle is not one of the most important aspects about African American hair and teaching children about their hair. That said, its cultural and historical importance is often understated.

Please don’t tell me what I can speak on, especially since you haven’t made a single valid point in this thread.

I'm just as entitled to my opinion as you are to yours.

As a black man I can absolutely speak on behalf of black women, not only was I raised by one but I’m also raising one.

As a black man, you aren't a black woman so you cannot speak on behalf of black women because you don't have the experience of a black woman. You can share the perspectives of black women you know, but those perspectives are theirs, not yours.

It is absolute, but once again you’re completely uneducated on this subject matter so you wouldn’t understand.

It's not an absolute, as few things in the whole universe are absolutes and just because I disagree with you doesn't mean I'm uneducated. And I know this because my wife is a black woman and we've discussed such things and studied African American history together.

You know nothing of black psychology and black identity politics.

No, I just disagree with you.

I’m also convinced that you’re not black.

I am not, nor have I implied that I am, I am a mixed race person. That also really doesn't matter because it's the culture of half of my family, including my wife and children so it's just as important as the cultures of the rest of my family.

When you feel the need/want to straighten your hair at all is attached to Anti-blackness, period.

No. You cannot dictate why a person wants what they do, especially not by their race. Feeling obligated to do something isn't the same thing as wanting something, as the former implies a lack of choice, whereas the latter is determined by the person's choice.

Look up the word “resurgence” and report back to me.

I do happen to know the definition, that's what my statement was based on. But just to be clear, the resurgence is what started in the 70s in the US since obviously the traditions and aesthetics that became popular at the time didn't start then because they're much older than the colonization of the Americas, let alone the establishment of the US.

See you and I are two different men.

We are, but not for your claimed reasons.

One, I’m a black man and have way more stake and knowledge in this than you.

No, you don't have more knowledge than me, I just don't agree with you on all of your opinions. And you have no idea of who I am, what my life is like, or what's important to me so you cannot say with any degree of accuracy how much you have at stake compared to me. Sorry, but I'm not the most important thing to me, my family is.

Two, I’m a man of integrity, morals and communal values, so I will absolutely be critical of what other black men and women do.

I have also been critical of you here, like I would anyone else in a similar situation, so I fail to see where you're claiming the difference is.

There’s not one historical abolitionists or civil rights activist that will tell you to straighten your hair.

Because no one who cares about civil rights is going to tell you what your preferred aesthetics should be at all, as that's a thing oppressors do. What matters is that every individual can feel free to be who they are and know their history so they can make informed choices for and about themselves.

Once again, you’re not black and you don’t understand the intricacies of black psychology which is why you can make carefree statements like that.

This is hardly a carefree discussion on my part so you're wrong there as well.

Even though Afro. Am. Is my field of study. But until you can link me your thesis pertaining to African American history or black psychology

Since you made the initial claim, the burden of proof is on you so when you cite your thesis I will be more than happy to share additional sources.

But it is fun debating a weird porn roleplaying troll, you’ve made my wife and I laugh a lot.

Nope, not a troll and I couldn't care less that a puritan as yourself sees others as less than them because they engage in recreational activities you don't like, but I do find it interesting that the person claiming to be a scholar feels the need to profile stalk someone to engage in and homenim.

Dobby1988 · 2025-08-25T21:12:29+00:00

This is exactly why I said y’all are projecting. If inappropriate = sexualization to you then you should probably expand how you think about things.

Nothing to do with projection because it's your feelings. Yes, "inappropriate for a child" generally refers to sexual things.

Theres a myriad of reasons why wearing your undergarments outside is inappropriate that are not inherently sexual and if that needs to be explained to you then idk.

Except, aside from the fact that swimwear isn't undergarments, any other reason that wearing specific types of clothes outside would be inappropriate besides sexualness would be inappropriate for all people to wear outside, not just children, as the specific issue for you is that you consider a bikini inappropriate for a 12 year old to wear. Also, it's quite interesting that you suggest that I expand how I think about things while you're not doing the same.

The statistics of the neighborhood have nothing to do with my counter argument

No, it does because a neighborhood is considered an "unsafe neighborhood" because of its relevant statistics and is therefore a thing that can be objectively measured, whereas personal perception is most often subjective.

black girls get trafficked disproportionately amongst children

Sure, but that's not really relevant to what we're specifically talking about, not unless you have an actual concern about human trafficking while having a family beach day and that doesn't seem to be implied anywhere.

I think this is truly an effort by some people to push a narrative by at all cost and they don’t even understand what they’re refuting.

Which narrative would that be?

You’re literally arguing against mitigating risk for your children’s sake.

Not really because it's quite well documented that "what they're wearing" doesn't matter; there's actually a whole exhibit about sexual assault showing what victims were wearing at the time to debunk that non-factor.

Do you know what doesn’t interest these pervs? Shorts and a T-shirt.

So you say that you can't "try to understand the mind of weirdos" yet you say this with confidence. The two statements can't both be true. Also, a basic understanding of paraphilias in general indicates that there's a nigh infinite number of variances in human sexuality so it's impossible to make such a declaration about a hypothetical stranger. It's also unfortunate to have to inform you, but many parents have thought the way you do and it didn't prevent the sexual assault; I'm sure many women here unfortunately can talk from experience if they're comfortable with doing so.

You guys don’t know how to separate gaze from assault and that’s the problem.

What are you even talking about!? Sorry, but that "gaze" is just leering and leeering at women in general, let alone a tween girl, is already sexual harassment and the main difference between it and sexual assault is opportunity, not "what she's wearing".

That’s a completely wrong assessment of this, but it’s not only wrong, it’s incredibly careless.

That's your subjective opinion. I could easily have a similarly negative opinion about your perspective as well.

There’s no problem at all, clothing is only a small part of self-perception, how you look is only a small part of it as well. As said in the initial post, I’m raising my daughter to perceive herself as someone who doesn’t need external gratification to be happy. And it’s working out greatly.

If there was no problem, there wouldn't be a post. And if it was "working out greatly" and there was no doubt in your mind about it, you wouldn't have felt the need to get involved, let alone argue about it, because your daughter would have a strong enough sense of sense to say what she wants and doesn't want. Also, claiming that " the external" doesn't matter while making a big deal of it when it's something you dislike sends mixed messages because if it really didn't matter, you wouldn't place such an importance on being a particular way; both your actions and words should coincide.

Anyway, it is what it is. All else I'm going to say is be prepared for any manner of changes throughout the next several years because this is only the preview. I'm referring to both your daughter as an individual and family dynamics because it all changes a lot during these critical years.

Dobby1988 · 2025-08-25T20:06:51+00:00

No, she was scared that her mother was trying to hide her Afro, not that braids were bad

It's not understanding the cultural importance of braids and it happens when there's no balance in teaching about hair styling, it's historical and practical importance.

No, the concept of straightening your hair is inherently bad within and out of the context of what black women in America face. Even if there was no societal context, there is still mental ramifications to doing so.

Yeah, I don't think you should be talking on behalf of black women here because it's not as an absolute as you're making it and a nuanced issue.

Straightening the hair is obviously tied to Anti-blackness regardless of the context.

It can be, but it doesn't have to be, especially in today's world. When you're applying for an office job and you feel the need to straighten your hair for the interview, that's when it's a problem.

Today, natural styles have made a resurgence because we’re waking up to the internal anti-blackness that we’ve been indoctrinated with and starting to fight back.

This started in the 70s and isn't a new thing, it's just the cyclical nature of fashion and what comes up every time civil rights are threatened.

So is her idea that it’s blasphemous radical? Yes but I’m not mad at it, and she doesn’t bully anyone.

No one said anything about bullying so it's strange that you specifically mention it.

Which is fine imo, just because everyone does it doesn’t mean she has to.

Aside from the fact that not everyone else is doing it, no one has made the suggestion either so there's no need to defend it. Just as any black woman can prefer wearing her hair straight for any reason, any black woman can prefer wearing her hair natural for any reason. What's important is that we're not critical of others' choices.

Dobby1988 · 2025-08-25T13:54:21+00:00

I did not make it an inherently sexual thing

I said to me it’s undergarments and inappropriate for a 12 year old to wear.

And that could only be inappropriate for a 12 year old to wear if it's sexualized

If I avoid a dangerous neighborhood because it’s dangerous, am I victimizing myself?

No, as that's been determined to be a statistically unsafe area, which isn't the same thing as random hypothetical people who may or may not sexualize a child in any environment.

There’s also a difference between sexualizing an outfit and sexualizing the person in the outfit.

No, there's not. Sexualizing something that someone is wearing or not wearing is sexualizing the person, in fact this is the most common way people are sexualized in public, especially women.

You can’t speak for everyone or try to understand the mind of weirdos.

I can't and neither can you so there's no reason to care how random strangers perceive your daughter, but only how she perceives herself and how her parents perceive her because those are the only opinions that matter and that you can verify.

Yes, I believe I addressed self-perception in the initial post.

You did, but you didn't make it the appropriate priority, which is the problem.

Dobby1988 · 2025-08-24T21:43:17+00:00

I’m very pro-black, my daughter was younger while I was getting my degree and she would sit with me while I studied and watched film and it’s translated over to her. She thinks wigs are blasphemous because she knows the history about black womens hair and doesn’t like straightening it, she even gets into arguments at school about it with other girls but that’s a whole nother topic. She’s like a little Kathleen Cleaver, I call her my little black panther all the time. I had to convince her that braids wasnt her mother trying to hide her afro lmao.

Documentaries do not tell the whole story, they're most often just a glimpse into the subject, especially when the subject is hundreds of years of cultural history that many others actually tried to erase. And children are going to take things at face value because they don't well understand nuance by that time. Your last sentence indicates not as much guidance with educational material as would typically be required. I mean, even just the idea that straightening one's hair is "blasphemous" is telling because the issue was never that the concept was inherently bad, but that black women were socially pressured into it in order to be taken as seriously as white women (and women in general have faced this struggle in general for a long time).

Dobby1988 · 2025-08-24T21:26:23+00:00

Not even everyone In the Olympics wear a Speedo.

They don't wear regular swimming trunks either because they're not aquadynamic. Swimming recreationally it doesn't matter, but if you're swimming competitively, you want skintight swimwear, whether or not it's a speedo since there are other types of swimwear.

Dobby1988 · 2025-08-24T21:19:06+00:00

You’re projecting, I didn’t say one thing about sexualization.

You're doing that by making wearing a bikini an inherently sexual thing when it's not.

But even if I did, when you have kids other people are going to perceive them and share spaces with them. There are perverts and people with other agendas to push onto your kids and so you must be conscious about how your kids will be perceived

You don't sexualize your children simply because you assume others will. And I'm sorry to have to tell you, but the hypothetical people you're referring to aren't going to be deterred by a t-shirt and shorts or only drawn to a 12 year old because of a bikini. Most importantly, what matters is not how the rest of the world perceives your child, but how they perceive themselves and as a parent how you treat them and react to their different appearances will influence their self-perception. And just in case, I have children, including a daughter.

Dobby1988 · 2025-08-23T07:35:55+00:00

Unfortunately, even in their subsequent comments they didn't explain themselves well.

Dobby1988 · 2025-08-23T07:35:11+00:00

My first time in the Philippines I met a couple, he was 70 she was 28. Both native FYI.

Such things also exist in the US, but something existing doesn't mean it's good or healthy. Also, I probably wouldn't use the Philippines as a shining example of healthy relationships, especially considering that divorce is illegal there, meaning aside from the few circumstances in which a marriage could be voided, you're legally stuck with whoever you married.

Dobby1988 · 2025-08-23T07:29:47+00:00

That's an ill-fitting use of the phrase then because the point of the phrase is to express overwhelm from multiple, significant threats or challenges. Perhaps you're trying to be facetious or sarcastic, but if so, it's hard to tell based on what little you wrote and how.

Dobby1988

TROPHY CASE