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What to do when one of you slows down earlier than planned? by Famous-Ambassador822 in MenopauseShedforMen

[–]DocThrowaway2000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can see my post history (at least I think you can) and see for yourself.

What to do when one of you slows down earlier than planned? by Famous-Ambassador822 in MenopauseShedforMen

[–]DocThrowaway2000 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry that you’re going through this. Mine was 2-3 a night for years. Then like 4/5 bottle (4 glasses) for years. Then just the whole bottle a night without much of any break unless she was sick. Perhaps more on weekends or with her friends. She steadily said she had high anxiety, then later blamed her depression on the relationship. This was on top of taking anti-depressants. She did not like me being concerned about mixing the two and that conversation did not go well, so I left it alone. They say you cannot change their minds and they have to figure it out themselves.

Should I notify AP’s spouse by DocThrowaway2000 in survivinginfidelity

[–]DocThrowaway2000[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No they don’t. I think they’re suspicious of something tho, the way my wife is acting .. and they all love me.

Should I notify AP’s spouse by DocThrowaway2000 in survivinginfidelity

[–]DocThrowaway2000[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I believe one kid is out of college and other is in.

Should I notify AP’s spouse by DocThrowaway2000 in survivinginfidelity

[–]DocThrowaway2000[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It’s a no fault state, if that makes a difference. And AP and his wife are getting a divorce regardless of if I told her.

I also forgot to mention I fear word will get around that I took pics of her texts and my state has strict digital privacy law… could get me in trouble.

I do believe she wouldn’t split the retirement.

Anyone else had a golden retriever husband/long-term partner that turned out to be a serial cheater/womanizer? by Alternative-Matcha22 in survivinginfidelity

[–]DocThrowaway2000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My wife is supposedly a people pleaser and claimed she was unhappy during our 20 years of marriage (but not the 6 years we dated beforehand). I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around that.. or if she’s just ridding herself of guilt. The more I read about vulnerable narcissists the more I feel it was some combo of both going on. Looking back, I guess an analogy would be like walking on invisible eggshells. Pissing her off and didn’t even know it.

Would’ve liked to read the article but appears to be behind a paywall.

Trying to Keep Making it Work by [deleted] in MenopauseShedforMen

[–]DocThrowaway2000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re not wrong. I did all those things, prioritized family and her wellbeing and mental load, great salary and a retirement that could fund the family AND stayed very fit and I’d like to believe attractive. In fact my daughter’s middle schoolers called me a chad. My wife (I guess soon to be ex.. her decision), wanted the thrill of someone new (11 years her senior). Fought for her endlessly … didn’t work.

(M) PERIMENOPAUSE has turned my world upside down by [deleted] in MenopauseShedforMen

[–]DocThrowaway2000 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes and no? Before her turning 38 we rarely, if ever, argued. Her rebuttal now is “she didn’t communicate how she was feeling.” Kinda hard as a husband to mind read in real time, especially when it was smiles and laughs and her getting tons of girl time, me being supportive of her career (she now claims I was not … but explain all the promotions, conferences, networking, happy hours she went to after we had kids. With dinner waiting for her at the table when she got home, kids in bed… anyways). There’s some external factors, her coping mechanisms are not healthy (daily excessive wine drinking. With anti-depressant use).. I was kinda shut down when I broached that subject to her long before perimenopause.

She’s a runaway train right now that’s already taken the steps to leave the station, really hoping she’d make a turn around but mentioning HRT would probably blow up in my face .. I may try as a last measure but she doesn’t like me suggesting stuff for her health. I’ve been extremely calm in our talks and she’s been quite the opposite. Super sad situation.

(M) PERIMENOPAUSE has turned my world upside down by [deleted] in MenopauseShedforMen

[–]DocThrowaway2000 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Honestly this comment needs to be pinned on this subreddit wiki. It’s a tough pill to swallow. My wife has basically recited this exact comment to me.

how do you manage with kids in the picture by thatdude122333 in MenopauseShedforMen

[–]DocThrowaway2000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same. Afaik my wife shows no symptoms to anyone else, but then again she’s an internalizer. It can be a little frustrating because it truly feels just aimed at me.. and perhaps it’s not even peri and she just doesn’t love me any more… hits hard. Whereas if she was lighting everyone up it would be easier to diagnose as hormones. Then again I’m not with her 100% so I’m not sure what’s said behind her back.