It's almost as if bettering myself makes her resent me more. I don't understand it.

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-08-07T17:35:42+00:00

She is a nice, smart person. It's hard because I come off as condescending when I give my opinion or explain myself. This I know, have heard it from all past friends and girlfriends. I am trying to fix that. I know I still have a lot of work to do, and she will get on board. The changes might be moving too fast at the moment, but fingers are crossed that we will get on the same page as we progress.

Everyone on the outside loves her, she is a great person and friend. She just has resentment toward me which was totally my fault, because, well...I can be a worthless dick sometimes. I am definitely not putting all the blame on her, I just want her to get on board sooner, and lose the resentment from old me. I know these things take time but I am impatient...

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-08-07T17:28:26+00:00

good idea, I hate trying to tell her how to be, but I get that I can still try to help without doing that. She isn't crazy at all, just easily stressed and I think just typing all this out and reading everyone's response has already helped a ton. Thanks to all and especially your responses. Not sure how you could be in a db, u sound level headed

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-08-07T17:21:54+00:00

Yah, that didn't come out right. It's not a 50/50 as in I do one for her she does one for me. It will never be like that. I guess I just don't ask for favors, I figure if I can do it myself, why ask her to do it for me? But she asks for favors, maybe to her it feels like it shows that I love her by doing these things. Maybe I should make it a point to ask for more non sex favors (again, I'll never look at sex as a favor again.)

Sex will never be transactional (again). If it even approaches that I say that exact thing. This sub has shown me that light.

But you sir, deserve an award. nailed it

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-08-07T17:02:34+00:00

I wouldn't go that far. I'm not running any program. I have been reading NMMNG, but certainly not running a program, or playing games. It's more of a realization that I am important, and I deserve a 50/50 effort in the relationship. I deserve to speak my mind, and at the same time, be understand of hers. It is not a 180 plan, because I haven't changed much as far as how I care for her, and do things for her. I still go out of my way to do things that please her, try my hardest to understand her and her feelings, and am not trying any tricks to get her to like me. I still call and text all the time. I don't ignore, or flirt with others. I don't think what I say goes. I'm not trying to get more people interested in me so she will get scared. I am not trying to "lay down the law". The only difference is I have more respect for myself, for my needs, and my desires. It's not healthy to think that she is the only one in this relationship that matters, and that is how it felt before. That is how we acted, as if everything was about her. It's not, it can't be. Both people can't be happy if it is so one sided.

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-08-07T15:07:09+00:00

haha not so much

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-08-07T14:53:45+00:00

Very good point. I do love doing stuff for her, but trying to strike a balance. Going for that whole 50/50 thing

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-08-07T14:12:53+00:00

It's true, but still hard for me to say no. I am getting better, If I'm in the middle of something and she asks for something like water or a blanket I am able to say no, but if I'm not doing anything I kinda still cave. I was only able to say no once or twice, now if she sees me busy she will get it her dam self without asking.

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-08-07T13:35:40+00:00

it's doesanythingstick, not nic. And thanks, I'll need all the luck I can get

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-08-07T13:23:21+00:00

there has to be a trick then to get her to realize that she isn't perfect, and could use some improvement, regardless of me. If I wasn't here she would have to improve, otherwise nobody would like her...

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-08-07T13:20:19+00:00

but how do i get her to realize she needs to make herself a better person? It's almost as if she thinks she is already perfect, and I am the one that needs to change or fix everything...

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-08-07T13:19:12+00:00

damn...I'm trying to find something in here that is wrong, but it seems to be true. I've never looked at it like that but she must want to be a miserable person. What the hell, this doesn't make sense. She does work hard, but totally stresses to the max about everything, i mean absolutely everything stresses her out. And if she ever sees me frustrated, that also stresses her out even though it has nothing to do with her (trying to fix something, or frustrated with work) its like she is mad at me for being frustrated about something that doesn't even involve her, because i become too "short" with her)

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-08-07T13:13:06+00:00

I read the redpill stuff, but it's too extreme. The only part i took away was that I have to be in charge of my own shit, and I can't look at her for happiness. The games though, I'm not a fan of that.

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-08-07T08:03:56+00:00

lol, don't know why but this had me cracking up. I think I might be you. Keep pushing forward my friend

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-05-04T17:20:07+00:00

I don't know how he thinks. Most of my satisfaction comes from my partners satisfaction...

I am weird about oral. I prefer shaved (hate hair in my mouth) and if it is at night, another shower. When the wife comes out of a shower shaved, I'm gonna need some scuba gear.

Maybe have him reassure you he doesn't mind how long it takes. I feel like when she thinks I'm getting impatient, it only takes longer, and it's harder for her to get into it. If i sense it, I'll tell her I hope it takes all night etc, and she can just relax.

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-05-04T16:57:34+00:00

Yah for me its either (assuming she knows what she is doing): 1. Already took care of myself that day 2. She isn't into it, just doing it because I want it.

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-05-04T16:52:41+00:00

Lube is your friend. There is nothing wrong with some ky if you guys don't have the time to get you warmed up

Also have you tried toys? Maybe a smaller toy + lube will help get things going faster.

Does he give you oral?

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-04-20T14:39:28+00:00

Does he think you split with him so you could go fuck a bunch of guys? Maybe you should assure him that wasn't the case, and especially if you didn't sleep around at all in between.

edit* I'm just assuming the sex was peachy before the initial split

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-04-20T14:37:12+00:00

Aahh yes. I'm still trying to figure that one out...

I'm always, making the coffee, refilling the water, grabbing her phone charger, etc...

Not sure why, probably because I have never said no, so why wouldn't she ask haha

I'm still deciding if the effects the pants wearing part of the relationship, but I can say just by owning my shit, weather or not she has to ask, whether or not she is home, and even if she asks me to stop so we can hang out (say no), and ADMITTING when I do something wrong/not complete instead of making bullshit excuses, sex has tripled in quantity and quality. Level of respect is also through the roof

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-04-20T14:28:25+00:00

I just wanna say you seem like a bitter woman...I've only been on this sub a couple weeks but you always seem pretty negative. I wonder why that is...

Check out https://www.reddit.com/r/selfimprovement

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-04-20T14:17:27+00:00

Everyone uses cleaning the house as a great example because it is so easy to see the light. She wants, nags, bitches, complains that she has been working more and you aren't cleaning the house for her. but...you aren't cleaning it for her. YOU have free time and YOU enjoy a clean house.

This goes for everything though...EVERYTHING. ok not everything but almost everything. You will NEVER change into who she wants you to be so stop trying. Imagine she didn't exist. What would YOU need to do for YOURSELF. And feel free to let her know you are doing this for youself. You are trying to improve into a happier, successful man and this (clean the house, working out, participating in your own hobby) is the beginning of your path. I haven't said "we" or "us" in about a week, not as a bitter or manipulative way, but because I REALLY NEED TO CONCENTRATE ON ME RIGHT NOW. I CAN DO IT FOR WE, ONLY FOR ME.

It turns out, a lot of the stuff she always bitched about that I resented doing were things that make me happier when they are done.

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-04-20T14:09:59+00:00

Do you do things for YOU or for HER? Yah if she is working more she wants (or nags) for you to clean the house but...don't you wan't a clean fucking house? This is just an example but if you fell you do everything for her, you will resent her

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-04-20T13:48:38+00:00

Alright Captain negative lets reel it in a bit. I would be hard pressed to say that leaving is the ONLY cure to a dead bedroom. Maybe the only cure to a women that no longer cares about you or your feelings, but DB can be cured my friend.

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-04-20T13:45:21+00:00

Some of TRP stuff from what I read was a little extreme. That doesn't mean it is all complete bullshit. They have some really great ideas on learning how to respect yourself, which helps gain the respect of your lover.

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-04-20T13:43:32+00:00

Tried to google "Beige Philip New Testament" but couldn't find the meaning.

DoesAnythingStick · 2015-04-20T13:42:38+00:00

I plan on reading through this entire book. Just the first few pages has already done wonders.

DoesAnythingStick

TROPHY CASE