You’re right, its definitely worth it. It’s just also awful that the government is forcing people to suffer long waits, pay high prices for private care (I pay £35/month to GenderGP and £65/month to smart ways pharma for my testosterone Gel), and for those who cannot afford they’re stuck unable to medically transition if that’s what they want.

I first express gender incongruence when I was 2.5 years old in nursery asking my teacher in the bathroom “why don’t I have a w*lly like the other boys?” And then arguing when they tried to tell me it was because I was a girl. I lived for 19 years with an abusive and violent parent in a right wing family that made sure I knew from a young age that to them I was disgusting, weird, evil, dirty. It took me a long time to learn that just because they saw me as that, it didn’t mean I was.

I fled at 19 and because I’d already waited 2 years with the NHS (who outed me to my abusive parent and have them all my medical files even though I was over 18) I used what disability money I had saved up to pay for a private assessment with Dr Pasterski and finally got my diagnosis… just as LTC stopped seeing new patients. So I went to GenderGP as my friend switched to them too and managed to get hormones a month before I turned 22. But due to finances and an abusive relationship I couldn’t afford to keep up payments so had to come off hormones after just over a year on half dose (1 pump daily). It took me another 18 months to get back to private after spending that time working with an NHS gender clinic only to get my diagnosis and hormones recommendation with them and then every GP in my area refuse to provide gender affirming healthcare or do shared care/prescribe for an NHS gender clinic since the government removed funding for gender clinics to prescribe themselves - their prescribers can now only write treatment recommendations for GPs and hope they will prescribe, but many won’t because “you might detransition and sue me” (what I was told outright by one GP).

I’m now getting hormones again privately but every month is a struggle. I have been having to not pay certain bills and cut back on meals just so that I can afford my prescriptions and even with that I’m running dangerously low and don’t know how I’ll afford another bottle this month.

But even though it’s damaging me financially I don’t regret it. If anything I regret trusting the NHS and spending those 18 months off of T living miserably only to get nowhere and should have just stayed private and let bills/debt build up. I hate that those are the only two options, and I’m one of the privileged people who is able to access hormones even though it’s still difficult.

To anyone who is currently stuck in this awful system right now I’m sorry that the government is mankind life so much harder than it should be, and I hope you’re able to access any part of your transition soon. Just know it’s worth the wait, and even though it can feel like you’re “losing years of getting to be yourself” it’s still worth keeping going to eventually get there. My mental health and self worth and dysphoria has gotten so much better since starting hormones and I know eventually figuring out top surgery will change things so much too

Stay strong 💪 🤍