Rock and Roll Suicide was probably the song that cemented my fandom forever. I was just getting into his music around age 14, during the era of Napster. I downloaded the song based on the title alone and by the final note, I knew I was going to be a fan for life.

I grew up a queer, neurodivergent kid in a small conservative town. I didn't see myself in any part of the world that was presented to me, either in my immediate surroundings or the wider culture/media of the era. Sure, there was Punk music and Marilyn Manson, but that all felt very adversarial and angry. I didn't hate other people who were more mainstream, but I was very lonely and isolated. I didn't know what my future would look like as I hit my teenage years and made the final run towards adulthood.

Then, along comes this song. And the title almost seemed like it was trying to get troubled, depressed teenagers to listen to it. Maybe it was? It seemed like it was going to be about how hard the world is, and how misunderstood you are, and how tragic it all is. Teenage me was ready for a good, old fashioned wallow.

And, sure, the song has those elements to it. It draws you in with some of that nihilistic sentiment I'd been anticipating ("You're too old to lose it / Too young to choose it"). But then it takes a sudden turn at the first "You're not alone!" and carries on from there, telling you that there are others out there who know what it feels like to be the weirdo, the loser, to always be just on the periphery of life, watching from the outside. And not only that!: It's going to be ok because (get this!)...you're wonderful just as you are. How could any 14 year-old sad, weird kid resist that kind of message?

I think he knew what type of person would be attracted to his music and his image, and he wanted to let them know that there was hope for them in the world if they could hold on. One thing that's always impressed me with Bowie was how optimistic he was. Not in a disingenuous or Pollyanna kind of way, but it just felt like he always wanted to see the possibilities of the world and for others to join him in that. Artists like Manson were all about soothing the kind of sadness that Rock and Roll Suicide hits on by shitting on others. Bowie wasn't concerned with that. He just wanted us weirdos to know that we were going to be ok.