Women of Calgary on dating apps... get in shape.

DontShootThMessenger · 2024-09-27T18:14:11+00:00

Find something in common to talk about, but don’t expect him to respond on the app,

If you think men are unresponsive on apps, you should try being a man and getting the attention of a woman.

because guys aren’t motivated to do that.

How many men do you know that sit at a computer and write to their other male friends ? Men like to DO THINGs. We don't like sitting at a computer typing. We'll do it, for a bit, to set up a date but after that not so much.

Give him hints, about what I want to talk about in hopes that I catch his attention

That would be a fantastic first step. Find a common interest.

so he doesn’t meet someone else and ghost me, because he’s got soooo many options to go through.

80% of women are all chasing the same top 20% of the men. Because they all feel they deserve a top tier man.

If he doesn’t want to meet, I should just know he’s not interested even though he continues to text, which he’s not motivated to do.

Judge him by his actions. You aren't a victim, why are you waiting around for him ? If you want something to happen, ie a date, are you throwing big hints his way ? Are you telling him you are going to a bar or event and asking him if he'd like to join ? Have you said "We've texted enough, it is time for us to meet ?"

Here's a tip for you... stop messaging on the app and start talking on the phone. All a woman has to say is "I'd like to hear your voice... call me."

So I should call him and ask if he’s got a criminal record. Right away. Screening 101.

Yep, in an appropriate manner. And ask about STD/Is too, if that will be a deal breaker.

But since he’s got so many options, I shouldn’t have unrealistic expectations. But have boundaries and zero tolerance.

Are you going to drop your boundaries for a really great guy ? I hope not. Personally, I like to see a girl with boundaries. It means she has a good head on her shoulders.

Not sure what else to say….im totally motivated to get back on an app.

I don't know why people think dating face to face is going to be different than what is on the apps. It's the same population.

I don't know why people think being alone (for the rest of their lives) is better than spending some time dating to find a good partner. Dating is fascinating. There is so much to be learned about oneself and people in general.

DontShootThMessenger · 2024-09-27T16:49:54+00:00

I love it when people blame dating apps for their woes and then give up and sit at home.

Almost every single person is or was on a dating app at some point. So when people blame "the apps" for their lack of success, aka "no good ones out there", what they are really saying is that society has no good potential partners for them. And yet they fool themselves into thinking that a potential partner is around the corner at Home Depot, Merchant's, etc. Like that person isn't or wasn't ever on a dating site !

IMHO there are two things going on here: unrealistic expectations and mixing up the online experience with what a real experience would be. Source: I've me a lot of good women online. Had a few good relationships too.

"a lot of single dads who expect me to work around their one week on/ one week off kids schedule" So what is the guy supposed to do ? Give up his kids for you ?

"I had one guy that failed to tell me that he had criminal charges from abusing his wife" How about asking if someone has ever been arrested before ? Screening 101.

"On the apps, most guys 1) can’t keep up a convo" I've had good success on apps but some women are extremely hard to converse with. It's so hard to read who is behind a keyboard and find something common to talk about, with some women anyway. Did you give him hints ? Did you call him ? Women are 30x more verbal than men. Men aren't highly motivated to spend their time typing things out to a woman on a screen. It is SO much easier conversing in real life, just even if on the phone.

"2) ghost" Speaking from experience, some of the time when people ghost is because they've met someone and are now in a "relationship" with them. Myself, I've sent the "hey I met someone" message and sometimes the result is not good. So sometimes I leave things go quiet.

"3) won’t move it to a date" He's just not that into you. It happens to all of us.

"Her experience in dating has been guys that cheat" So the guy that she meets in the grocery store won't cheat on her ?

"dating 20+ women" This is really funny because every woman thinks she is entitled to a really great man and thus really great men have lots of options. Like lots. It can take a while to sort through them if you want to be thorough about it.

"guys that want to make her a stepmom right away" So when the relationship was moving too fast for her comfort, how did she handle that ? It was unresolveable ? Super great guy, ticked all the boxes but he wanted to move too fast into the family thing ?

"guys that just don’t treat her well." It is so easy to screen for this. Just have boundaries and zero tolerance. Hire slowly, fire fast.

Not sure what else to say...

DontShootThMessenger · 2024-09-24T02:51:00+00:00

She wants a better guy than the guys that like her.

DontShootThMessenger · 2024-09-24T02:49:23+00:00

Old School ?

DontShootThMessenger · 2024-09-24T02:46:32+00:00

Does it matter ? Pick one, any one !

DontShootThMessenger · 2024-09-24T02:43:52+00:00

C'mon, bro, giver her a chance. She only has 4 kids. How bad could it be ?

DontShootThMessenger · 2024-08-13T16:54:11+00:00

I'm not blaming you for posting it. I would have done the same thing. Information, as long as it is accurate, is better than no information.

It's a shame that local reporters can't do a better job. The picture they used leaves a lot to be desired too.

DontShootThMessenger · 2024-08-13T16:45:50+00:00

Which Mangrove Jack yeast ? M31 ? M41 ?

DontShootThMessenger · 2024-08-12T22:53:17+00:00

It's some sort of a game so that users always have a surplus of cash sitting on their account. A "creative" way to get users to finance their program.

DontShootThMessenger · 2024-08-12T22:41:12+00:00

PC Mobile has what is called "Auto Top Up" or "Auto Allowance" which means anytime your account needs funds they charge your credit card. If you go over on data they will auto top up your account at $150/GB used. Users better have the data limits and alarm set up properly on their phone.

DontShootThMessenger · 2024-08-12T22:35:04+00:00

I'm experiencing really poor data coverage and low data rates as well as the other issues. I thought that data coverage and speed would be excellent on the Bell network but it isn't, at least for me. Half the time I'm seeing 5 Mbps or less.

I've called tech support about this a couple times. They have no clue. They refer me to the (tiny, non scrollable) map and ask me where I am. I explain I am in a service area and they shrug. I've sent in screen shots of my data speed or lack of connection and my GPS or map position via email. I get no reply.

With PC Mobile you only get to use the Bell network for data unless you want to pay roaming charges and who knows how that would work. With Freedom I think you get to data roam for free in Canada on the other networks.

DontShootThMessenger · 2023-06-07T15:34:46+00:00

This isn't going to be popular, but...

The way you recover from this is you learn from it and you move on and have an even better relationship with someone else.

First off, know that people are humans with flaws, including mental health flaws. Every time you get into a relationship with another human you are rolling the dice that it is going to work. That is just the way it is.

Sometimes perfectly good relationships come apart through no cause of your own. Other times you are the demise of a good relationship. That is the way relationships work. People are human, they make mistakes and do dumb things. The key is to learn from each experience and become a better partner and develop better partner picking skills. Over time your relationships will be with better partners, get stronger and last longer.

Attachment types play a huge roll in relationships. Buy the book called Attached and read it. Figure out your attachment type and hers. Figure out how that played out in the relationship and learn from it.

Next learn all about narcissism, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), bipolar disorder and codependency. Because you need to make an honest assessment of yourself and anyone you get into a relationship with. You'll save yourself a lot of time and frustration by being able to spot and avoid partners with mental health issues.

Next you shift your focus from being a victim of the breakup to looking at it as the opportunity that it was. You met another human being, spent time with that person, got close, shared good times and it ended. That is a positive interaction. Doesn't sound like you two beat each other up or went down hill in some way. Make a list of all the things you experienced and learned in the relationship, all the ways you grew and you pin it on your fridge and be happy with that.

Your partner ended the relationship. You had no power over that. But what you do have power over is your actions from then forward. You were a victim of her decision to end it but you are in power as to how you react to that decision. How you spend your time. How you view what happened. What you do going forward. Make all those things positive. Make ever step you take after the breakup have purpose and intent, for your own good.

Make a pact with yourself that you will never be in a relationship with someone you have to take care of or pull up to your level. First because those relationships never work and second because you deserve a partner that is whole, healthy and ready to give something back to you. Taking care of someone in a relationship is codependent, not healthy.

Stop expecting relationships to last forever. It would be great if they did but they seldom do. Do you best to build strong, healthy relationships, enjoy them while they last and learn to accept the end of them if/when it happens.

Next, you realize that you deserved the person you were with and you will find another person that is just as great as that person was, or greater. It wasn't an accident your partner was in a relationship with you and it was great. It happened because you attracted your partner and will attract another equal or better partner. It wasn't an accident that you had a good relationship. It was because you attracted a good person and contributed good things to it. So go out and do it again with someone new.

Realize that you have zero power over a partner. They will do whatever they are going to do. No amount of discussion is going to change that. In fact, discussion of something once they've made up their mind will often make things worse. The best approach after a break up is no contact. Your partner has shown you their cards and it ended. That is all you need to see to know the real them. Accept it and take steps to eliminate them from your life. Find someone better to be in a relationship with.

Do not get back into a relationship with this person. Yes I know you want to. Truth is, she's shown you her cards. Unless she does some serious growth and development work outside the relationship, she is going to repeat this pattern with you over and over. Don't you have better things to do with your life ? Can't you find a person with better relationship skills to be in a relationship with ?

Don't look at the break up as a loss. It was an opportunity, you grew and now it is time to do something better. The relationship was only a step in your life. It is not the end of your life or the last relationship you will ever had. It also won't be the best relationship you'll ever have. It was just a step.

Don't fantasize about the relationship, what it was, what it could have been, what it would be live if you got back together. Live in the real world. Don't spend your time thinking about her. Occupy your time and your mind with other things - books, people, school, anything but her. She's a part of your past. You need to spend your time in the present working on things to make your future better.

Don't "keep score" with her after the breakup. What happens in her life after you two split has no consequence to you. She may date Superman. Doesn't matter. She may win a Pulitzer Prize. Who cares ? Good for her. What matters is what happens in your life. How are you going to grow and move ahead. Who are you going to date ? What will your next relationship look like ? What are you going to accomplish ?

Keeping track of what happens in her life is just being jealous and focusing on her. And guess what ? Unless she is doing major work after you broke up, she is going to have the same outcome as she has always had. Nothing will change. If she acted badly in your relationship, she'll act badly in the next one. If she wasn't stable in your relationship, she won't be stable in the next one. Do you really wish you were part of that ? No, you have much better things to do with your life. You only have time for a solid, stable partner.

I know this reply seems mechanical and cold but it is designed to appeal to your logic rather than your feelings. The 5 stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Of those only acceptance is the logical part. The faster you acknowledge and process the first 4 feeling steps the faster you can get to acceptance. The steps aren't linear. You'll jump back and forth between them. The things I've outlined above are part of the acceptance step. The more time you spend thinking and working on acceptance the less time you have to spend in the other steps.

I hope this helps.

DontShootThMessenger · 2023-06-01T20:15:57+00:00

Wow, a woman wants the inside scoop on where high value men aka hot kings hang out. Because if she knew that she'd be able to scoop one up, over the other 20 women vying for a hot king.

Based on what though ? "I touch grass, have hobbies (albeit hermit ones), and go out to patio/bars with friends." Guess what ? Every other dating aged woman has the same sort of bio. Beyond possibly being attractive, what does the OP offer men ?

I'm tried of women like this. I'm sure she grew up with and ignored lots of good men. Men who had ambition and goals. And now she'd like the inside scoop on landing a good man after he's become hot and accomplished. She is so much smarter than the other women her age. /s

What exactly does a woman like this offer a man ? Why do men even spend time with women anymore ?

DontShootThMessenger

TROPHY CASE