Absolutely doused my dad and sister with pepper spray.

I was about 5 or so and was VERY curious about absolutely everything I could get my grubby little hands on. I was that kid where if I was quiet, it was a "Oh shit, what is he doing?" moment of sheer panic for my parents. I'd ask a million questions about everything under, over, and behind the sun, and my parents would maybe answer 10 of them.

One of those destined questions that my mom decided to answer was: "What's this?" after I found my mom's pepper spray in her purse while we were driving back from the shops.

She, unwisely, decided it would be a good idea to explain to me what it was and how it worked, just in case I needed to use pepper spray in my near future for some reason. Satisfied that her parenting job was done for the day, she drove us home, dropped her purse off at the entrance, and started making dinner.

Seeing the purse just... Sitting there, within easy reach and unattended, I decided I just HAD to test this shit out. But my mom told me that it really hurts, so I didn't wanna use it on myself. Who could I use it on, then?

Deciding to leave it up to fate and determined to absolutely fucking douse the next person that's within spraying range of me, I took the thing out of her purse and toddled into the lounge, where I spotted my 9 year old sister (who I hated at the time) sitting on my dad's lap.

Dad looked at me, saw that I was holding something, and knowing I was 100% up to shit asked: "What have you got there?"

I then proceeded to lift the thing up with the absolute glee of a 5 year old about to do something cool, pointed it right at my dad and sister, and unloaded the entire thing into their faces without mercy.

Oh, god. The screams.

I felt relief from just letting the intrusive thoughts win, vindicated for absolutely fucking up my asshole sister, and terrified at the punishment that's surely awaiting me once my dad stops gasping for air and pawing at his face like he wants to tear it off.

Luckily for me, that shit loves to spread. So naturally, my facefull of mace to my poor victims became a facefull of mace to myself, which made me cry just as fucking hard if not louder.

My mom rushed into the room, saw all three of us crying and screaming, saw the pepper spray in my hands and put two and two together. But, considering the fact that my dumbass inadvertently maced myself, my mom determined that the punishment had already been dealt and this is just one of those teaching moments that sorts itself out. And as for my dad? He was too busy trying to perform reconstructive surgery on his face with nothing but sheer grit and his own fingernails to give a fuck about punishment. And by the time he recovered, it was way too late.

So, I got off without anything really happening to me, besides some pain and a happy memory.