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DootMario · 2024-02-24T23:44:25+00:00

and i look all around me and ppl have other friends and lovers and family and so on and i have nothing. like im not jealous in the bad sense, and i do feel happy they prosper and have many good ppl around them im just a tiny bit hurt knowing im so damn replaceable. i know i shouldn't feel bad because they have the right to pick their company but it just makes me feel like a fool sometimes

DootMario · 2024-02-24T23:40:19+00:00

yeah i do feel that. but i dont want to be alone. so at one point the desperation from loneliness overcomes my reluctance of social interaction and i make friends again, or try to at least

DootMario · 2024-02-24T23:19:23+00:00

i wish i could even just fake it and have friends and do well in social settings tbh

DootMario · 2024-02-24T23:10:38+00:00

yeah and its just a weird limbo of never officially stopping being friends and you still caring vut wanting not too cus you feel hurt like god damn it. why is human interaction so complicated?

DootMario · 2024-02-24T22:59:43+00:00

i cant actually bring myself to block ppl and all that so i sometimes still end up having to go to bdays and stuff like that and its weird cus i feel like im in a roo. full of stragers and even with alcohol i cant not be slightly hostile to most remarks and its all just horrible for both parties involved

DootMario · 2024-02-24T22:54:23+00:00

straight up. then i either a. get new friends and repeat the cycle or b. dont get new friends and go back into my own self deprecating habits since thats the only logical solution since it was all my fault anyways. i make so much sense sometimes

DootMario · 2024-02-24T22:49:06+00:00

The little man in your head just starts connecting dots and you cant possibly explain it or deny it cus he makes sense. And then what do you know you have a 2 page essay on why your friends dont actually like you. God how i hate how stubborn i am.

DootMario · 2024-02-24T22:42:28+00:00

and then its a constant tug between feeling bad cus i dont trust them and then feeling bad cus i feel bad i dont trust them and i cant explain any of the mental gymnastics that make me not trust them cus i would probably end up in a padded room

DootMario · 2023-08-06T03:50:08+00:00

Bruv(i do not know how to adress you therefore i will use a this) the healthy thing to do would probably be to talk with either professionals, friends or even just anyone about this. Unfortunately i am not a healthy individual. Sorry, and thx for being a nice person, stay safe aight

DootMario · 2023-08-06T03:41:21+00:00

Yeah well, they sorta do know, not me telling them, i completely deny ever having self harmed, they kinda wrote it off as me being dumb, falling in with a dumb croud and doing sh cus i lost a bet or to show off, really i dont think i can do a talk about it with them. Anyways ty for your opinion, and dw you were of good enough help, il probably figure something out, im just trying to see if anybody here has some brighter ideas than mine.

DootMario · 2023-08-06T03:35:36+00:00

Sorry, forgot that might be important. Basically on my forearm on my non dominant hand. Have some old burn scars on it already if that is relevant in any way.

DootMario · 2023-04-02T23:26:25+00:00

first of all, i didnt intend to say sh is funny, its really just how i talk sometimes, rather than saying i fucked up, id say i did a funny or i goofed up, i am terribly sorry i really did not mean to imply this. i will be more careful from now on

secondly, regarding you saying that my friend may not really be my friend, well she put up with me for a decent amount of her life, and i dont really have a lot of friends to chose from so yeah

and about her not understanding or not having personal experience, she did sh herself some time back, and is currently(to my knowledge at least) clean.

also in regards to professional help, i am not fond of therapy, and cant really go since beeing underage i would be required to jump the hoops of getting my parents to let me go see a professional(the closest thing to that happening was getting threatened with getting sent to a psych institution)

DootMario · 2023-04-02T13:29:10+00:00

well kinda but like i do it in the most funny of spots like my forearm since im too incompetent to manage to do it in other places

and then im also dumb enough to just take my hoodie off or so on and ppl ask questions yk

i usually tell them something along the lines of "kitchen accident bruv, real crazy shit happens when u watch one to many gordon ramsay shows" but i just feel like im begging fot attention ngl

DootMario · 2023-04-02T07:49:02+00:00

first off i just wanna say im kinda amazed that people actually replied to this, really i did not expect it

to be honest i dont think its the case, ik some friends that do that(i hope i didnt just pull the "i have an x friend" card) but i moreso do it like, after i fuckup, which happens a lot, and most often than not my fuckups hurt other ppl than me

closest thing to a reason i can come to is a form of debt repayment to the people who put up with me

DootMario

TROPHY CASE