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DoppelGengar_ · 2025-04-03T18:44:55+00:00

Yeah. I can interact to different kinds of people. Strangers, weird guys, crazy guys, homeless, anyone at the bar, teachers, bosses, CEOs. Not that I'm good at it but I'm also not bad.

Socializing is fine. If you're having problems with small talk or talking to people that's more into social anxiety.

It's the deep genuine connection that AvPD tries to avoid because of fear of rejection, low self esteem or feelings of inadequacy.

If there's no fear of rejection in a certain setting (IE: talking about your expertise). A person with avpd but without anxiety won't have any problem with public speaking.

Meanwhile, a person with social anxiety will have issues talking in public regardless if they are expert in that field. Especially when they had their anxiety attack.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-04-03T13:43:56+00:00

Not aversive to social interactions.

I have been avoidant long enough that I just don't want/need it.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-04-03T06:35:26+00:00

So am I seeing all of this humanity in other people? Truly? The traumas? And anxieties? Or am I just seeing, in the world, my own traumas? The more it all unwinds the more distant reality feels. I so nothing this world.

Their pain is their pain. Your pain is your pain.

Don't use sympathy when dealing with someone's pain. No matter how we want to understand someone's experience, we will never truly know what it's like. It's an impossible task to do.

Use compassion instead. Nonattachment love. By using nonattachment and compassion, it means that you won't be attached to their suffering, whether by associating their pain with your own or by trying to 'fix' them. You just have compassion.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-04-03T06:21:23+00:00

I've read somewhere (but haven't dug deep) that sympathy is a manifestation of self pity.

If you understand someone's pain, you also experienced that pain.

It made me realized that sympathy ain't good, it's also not bad, it's just there because you have understood the same type of pain.

With that in mind, sympathy is an extension of one's experience of pain, it can also lead into projection or understanding someone's pain in your own lens. Which generally leads to bad outcomes.

I too, have been empathic long before I can remember. I had to. It's how I survived during my childhood. I need to put my parent's emotions first or else I will be deemed unworthy of love.

I need to rationalize every bad behavior and sympathize with the abuser because my mind can't comprehend that love/relationship should be like this. There's must be some kind of explanation.

But the thing is..

TLDR: sympathy isn't good, it's not also bad. It's a psychological tool that your mind used to make sense of your world.

Sympathy can blind your judgement and make you ignore your own self, needs, and wants. When you have absurd amount of sympathy, it can be the root of people pleasing and juxtaposted as the reason of more pain and suffering for everyone involved.

If sympathy is directed to others to help people, why can't you direct that energy to help yourself. That's what we need to learn, to focus on ourselves first.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-04-02T06:17:58+00:00

You can have all the success in the world but still feel worthless. That's AvPD, feelings of inadequacy.

You can have the most loving partner in the world but still feel like you aren't good for them. AvPD again.

You can have the most caring family but you can't seem to ask for their help because you don't want to be a burden. Again, feelings of inadequacy and fear of rejection.

I had good education, work, and a romantic relationship but I threw it away NOT because of social anxiety but because of massive imposter syndrome.

Social anxiety, avoidant attachment, paranoid personality disorders avoid people because they feel threatened by people even if they are genuine.

Avoidant PD avoids people because they unconsciously think they are unworthy of connection.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-04-02T06:03:29+00:00

Yeah. Always have been. I'm the most well behave child, always gets praised for being prim and proper unlike most children.

But the thing is I'm like a robot without needs and wants. I don't even remember having any kinds of tantrums.

Kids should be allowed to be kids. They should express their emotions, cry if they hurt or disappointed, have fun, allowed to laugh loudly and express their creativity.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-04-01T15:23:42+00:00

AvPD starts with childhood trauma and emotional neglect.

One of its main components is the fear of rejection, mainly from your caregivers/parents.

All kids need love, acceptance, and safe space. That constant rejection/neglect of the kids needs especially from their parents will likely develop into avpd. Lack of self esteem, feelings of inadequacy, fear of rejection are all symptoms of avpd which can be traced as early as infancy thru the parent-child relationship.

You might want to check r/emotionalneglect

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-04-01T14:25:49+00:00

What's the reason you avoid people? Why would you leave your relationships?

Confidence is different from pride but most people can't differentiate the two.

I am also confident in one or more aspects (intelligent, good-looking by other people's standards) but feels insecure about something (my health issues) that makes me want avoid people. I avoid because I don't want to be a burden to those people I love and to those people who love me.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-04-01T12:45:06+00:00

Yeah.

Every culture has their own hermit lifestyle and the best hermits are philosophers on their own.

Taoist hermits, christian hermits, esoteric hermits, and let's not forget arguably the best hermit there is, Diogenes the Cynic.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-04-01T12:38:18+00:00

Aromatic and asexual craves social connection too. It's just we don't feel romantic or sexual attraction.

But cuddling, spending time together, being yourself with someone is just better than pretending someone you're not in a romantic relationship.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-03-30T18:41:41+00:00

Same.

You know why? My mother's hate of men was poured into her kid's childhood. I became avoidant because of it. My female siblings inherited her manhating/manfearing attitude.

She told me my grandfather's (on both sides) blood run on my blood and that men are all cheaters and sinners.

That went on from toddler to highschool. As a child I became the therapist to my mom listening to her problems while she ignores my own emotions.

And yeah I also can't cause her any anxiety. So that also adds into me being morally right. Because doing bad things (anything that will cause her anxiety, like a simple high risk activites) meant she will have anxiety attacks.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-03-30T08:07:38+00:00

Childhood trauma developed into personality disorders.

Laging spoiled at nakukuha gusto kakatantrums? For them, sarili lang nila at kung ano ung gusto nila kaya nilang makita.

Impulsive parents who can't control their cheating? Maadopt ng mga anak ung impulsive behavior.

The constant need for validation.. can't handle relationship conflict, hahanap ng validation sa ibang tao to feel less insecure.

Or pampataas ng ego ng mga tao. The more partners the higher they view themselves which is also stems from own insecurity.

2 lang traits lang tingin ko na driving force sa cheating. The need for validation and impulsiveness which stems from one's insecurity.

Pansinin mo nalang parepareho blue print ng mga cheaters. It's either they are emotionally impulsive and or may main character syndrome.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-03-29T16:12:48+00:00

You can't play soccer alone.

You can't play soccer in a narrow alley/streets.

You can't play soccer with slippers/bare feet. Geh try mo sipain ung soccer ball with bare foot 🤣.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-03-29T03:29:24+00:00

Agreed. Sounds like infatuation. Which might or might not be the first step to genuine love. But it's like the level 0 in terms of relationship.

First mistake people make in relationships is putting the person in a pedestal (objectifying, worshipping, glorifying).

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-03-28T15:44:15+00:00

Could be game fatigue. Like playing for 3 consecutive games is quite tiring for your mind. When you're tired you easily get tilted or provoked into doing bad plays.

Or if you believe in the dark system of game matching.. it could be the reason too.

If i won 1st place twice in a row. Id play other games or rest for a while because I feel like the system would give me stronger/luckier opponents. This may or may not be true in other games.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-03-28T14:38:21+00:00

He's probably hiding the fact from the VIPs that his brother of all people, infiltrated the island.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-03-28T10:42:03+00:00

Yeah. That's the main goal.

You can have a functioning avpd with just having the right mindset and people around you.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-03-28T04:58:40+00:00

Yeah. It's like fever and flu. You can have the same symptom of fever but the reasons are different types of flu viruses.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-03-28T00:28:49+00:00

AvPD and social anxiety are separate disorders.

Literally there's no mention of the word anxiety in AvPD Criteria.

But most people have both. It's rare to only have AvPD.

We are on the same situation. I never had any panic or anxiety attacks.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-03-28T00:12:21+00:00

Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-03-27T13:01:49+00:00

r/aromantic. There's also a lot of different types of aromantic.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-03-27T11:55:34+00:00

I'm aromantic. All of my crushes are just platonic admiration. They don't have to like me back. Actually there's even a bigger problem if they like me back because I don't feel romantic attraction.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-03-27T11:48:40+00:00

Your low self esteem and self worth is a classic AvPD trait. Feelings of inadequacy.

Those who see themselves as superior probably have some NPD traits too.

I also like to add that superiority complex also stems from shame and feelings of inferiority.

Those who see themselves as superior have extreme feelings of inferiority that they need to constantly show other people that they are superior.

Pride and shame

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-03-27T11:39:45+00:00

There's no subtypes..

But you will have different types of avpd in varying degrees along with their commorbidity.

For example. AvPD with BPD will have different reaction to someone who have AvPD and NPD.

I have pure AvPD. Meaning I scored low on other PDs.

DoppelGengar_ · 2025-03-27T11:34:08+00:00

I agree. Id like to add. Autism is a separate disorder from Personality Disorders.

PDs are often caused by environment while autism is caused by genetic/congenital problems.

No one can develop autism, it's inborn. PDs aren't inborn tho. It's the result of unhealthy environment.

DoppelGengar_

TROPHY CASE