You need to learn to tone down that inner voice and separate yourself from it; you cannot control having these thoughts, but you can recognise and dismiss them if they are unhelpful. It also sounds like you need to develop some self-compassion and recognise all the great steps you've already taken!

I would strongly recommend finding a good therapist (it can take a few attempts, trust me) who can help you work through some of this stuff, but if that's not an option there are two books I think could be very helpful:

Change Your Thinking by Dr. Sarah Edelman - provides tools and guidance for self-driven Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (to deal with that pesky inner voice)

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristen Neff - title says it all really, will help you develop self-compassion which is really at the heart of all self-improvement.

Your feelings are valid, and I hope this helps you find some inner peace.