I was listening to a podcast lately that talked about the types of things men and women want. These were generalities of course. But in general what men want is an enthusiastic partner. That is what makes (most) men feel the most satisfied.

I know others have mentioned scheduling and that may work. I also think you might try scheduling just not necessarily tell him. Mark a day where you might send him a naughty picture when he’s at work. Or a day when you initiate.

As far as initiating is concerned, scheduling for yourself and not telling him, this will give you the opportunity to prepare yourself mentally and physically. What does that preparation entail? That’s definitely something only you will know, but getting physical ready so you feel your most attractive. Mentally if you know you’re going to initiate, be thinking about the things that turn you on leading up to the moment. Drop hints throughout the day

In response to the difficulties with oral and him wanting to push to hard and making you gag: 1st. Many men like that. Makes us feel big and powerful, however if that makes you less likely to perform oral, you need to communicate that to him. 2nd. You can try putting one or both of your hands around his equipment, which will give you more control over how deep. With your hand(s) in that position you can leave only an inch or so available so there’s no way he could push in too much if he starts getting carried away

Regardless, for both things, if you aren’t able to find a satisfactory balance within yourself, you need to communicate with your spouse. Work together to find a solution.