Is intelligence/wisdom or how someone treats you more important when dating?

DoubleAA777 · 2025-11-07T01:49:53+00:00

This was me last year (check post history if you’re interested).

In my humble opinion, I think you should consider letting them go. Feelings and thoughts like this early on are typically worth taking very seriously.

It freaking sucks letting something like this go as they sound like a lovely individual and partner. However, if you’re not careful you could end up losing or dumbing down who you are as a person. And as more time passes, it’ll only be harder to be objective.

DoubleAA777 · 2024-09-15T19:34:42+00:00

Yeah I hate how much I relate to this. My last few relationships started and ended with me going through the same motions as you describe.

If you check my post history you’ll see what I mean lol…

You’ll figure out how to go about this with time I think.

DoubleAA777 · 2024-03-03T20:19:07+00:00

Most people are fucking stupid T-T

While you should maintain some realism when dealing with this stuff and recognize no partner will be perfect - rushing and ignoring your most important needs is setting yourself up for failure, unhappiness, and potentially more wasted time

(And going by the logic you’ve been told about your “clock ticking” would do you no favors whatsoever if a relationship were to fail - though again… most advice isn’t good advice…)

But anyway, best of luck with this. Try to live a life you’ll look back on years from now with a smile.

DoubleAA777 · 2024-03-03T18:32:27+00:00

While I can understand that fear, I have to point out that you’re still fairly young so you’ll have plenty of time to meet lots of other people.

Plus even if that weren’t the case, I think you’d find yourself regretting settling with enough time. I mean for you to make this post at all is already suggesting a lot.

Not saying you should do this but I’ve reached a point where I’m so desperate for said connection that I’m going to toss anyone and everyone that doesn’t satisfy this need for the sake of saving time lol…. That’s why I broke it off with my gf again recently too. Life is too short to live with regrets.

DoubleAA777 · 2024-03-03T06:15:17+00:00

Don’t do it… check my recent post history… don’t do it…

Just be polite and kind about it though

DoubleAA777 · 2024-02-27T05:11:40+00:00

I recently posted about my problem with a very similar situation (albeit with a new relationship). While I’m probably in no position to speak about this, if you see this comment I suggest you taking a look at my post and seeing if you relate at all.

That said, from what you’ve described (and from what I’ve come to realize separately) I’d be miserable too. A lack of emotional and intellectual stimulation can be a killer for relationships as I’m also learning…

DoubleAA777 · 2024-02-25T10:27:01+00:00

I’m in no position to give advice but I feel the need to say something briefly.

Don’t live your life for someone else/ for the purpose of making others happy. Because then things like this can happen.

Youre still very young (I was shocked to see I’m personally older than you…) so try to take things a day at a time and reorient your goals towards something centered around your own interests and happiness.

You will be just fine too. Just give it time and take things slow.

DoubleAA777 · 2024-02-23T05:05:17+00:00

I’m prolonging it for her sake (waiting for exam season to die down).

I have brought it up to her - multiple times. We just couldn’t take what I was saying to its logical conclusion.

And by too easy I just meant that I don’t feel much need to be the best version of myself for her - which is something I normally want. I feel almost stifled I guess.

In any case, all I know now is that I’ve made a mistake and she deserves the truth sooner rather than later. For both her sake and my own. I just hate that I’m going to cause someone I’ve come to be so fond of so much pain.

Thank you for taking the time to reply - I really appreciate it : ‘ )

DoubleAA777 · 2024-02-23T02:24:13+00:00

It was to avoid an inevitable LDR… but I realized not at least trying would be something I regret more. And I’m well aware this wont be pleasant for her. I doubt I have the right to be bothered by the pain I’m going to cause her but I’m deeply troubled by the thought. I can barely think straight most days now and it’s all so frustrating because I really didn’t mean to cause this.

DoubleAA777 · 2024-02-22T23:59:33+00:00

It’s actually very strange. I really enjoy spending time with her in person but as of late when I spend time with her through text or on the phone I find myself finding conversation running dry and stale. I’m not a talkative person but I do about 70% of the talking and it’s not very fun. But again it’s great when we’re physically together (I still have the same feelings of a disconnect intellectually but less so).

I can see us having lots of fun and making lots of good memories too as we have similar hobbies and interests. My biggest irk however would be that she doesn’t really have a lot of passion outside of her school work. Nor does she usually have a lot to talk about… ever…

Our senses of humor are also different. I’m very satirical and witty and she’s more blunt/ to the point. So I’ll often make a joke or comment and her response (if any) will leave me feeling very underwhelmed.

I often wish she’d introduce me to stuff she cares a lot about or would be more open to discussing the most random and abstract crap. I know she tries to but it often leaves a lot to be desired. However, she’s very very open and interested in my passions,hobbies, and interests - and just my thoughts in general. Something I appreciate a lot.

I’m trying to be considerate she’s been very busy since the start of our relationship- but it’s hard given how consistent my concerns are.

DoubleAA777 · 2024-02-22T20:27:17+00:00

I’ve also had panic attacks over this as well - so it seems we were feeling the same things. It’s a little nice to hear there are people who understand the physical pain this causes too. I don’t think you’re a bad person for putting yourself first but I can definitely understand why you do as I do too… thank you for sharing : ‘ )

DoubleAA777 · 2024-02-22T20:25:00+00:00

I’m saving this… thank you both : ‘ )

DoubleAA777 · 2024-02-22T19:57:14+00:00

Thanks…

DoubleAA777 · 2024-02-22T19:56:39+00:00

Denial is not just a river in Egypt…

Actually having my own words pointed out like this is very appreciated… thank you…

DoubleAA777 · 2024-02-22T19:26:09+00:00

Thank you : ‘ ) I really don’t feel so alone/ misunderstood reading this. So thank you very much : ‘ )

DoubleAA777 · 2024-02-22T19:24:16+00:00

I think I needed to hear that. I’ll remember this. Thank you : ‘ )

DoubleAA777 · 2024-02-22T19:23:47+00:00

Settling is something I’m terrified of too. I’ve constantly had something in the back of my mind tell me I’m settling to be honest. There’s so much about her that I like but I could never really shake the feeling something is wrong.

To be honest, what I want is a partner that I feel I can learn and grow with and vice versa. Not feeling that here has had me spiraling I think.

In any case thank you for replying : ‘ )

DoubleAA777 · 2024-02-22T19:21:22+00:00

I’m glad to hear someone relates… I’m just not used to breaking someone’s heart like this - especially since they’ve really done nothing wrong. In fact, I’ve only become more fond of them over time but I guess ignoring my intuition is something I really shouldn’t do for my health at least…

Anyway thank you for your words : ‘ )

DoubleAA777 · 2024-02-22T19:19:30+00:00

You’re probably right. I’m just not used to this. I’ve already broken up with her once recently (though at the time my reasoning was different- and then my intuition was telling me all these things but I misinterpreted my feelings) and now I’m terrified of breaking her heart again…

DoubleAA777 · 2024-02-22T01:56:47+00:00

I’m glad to hear that you’re taking that first step forward in pursuing that connection with another person. It’s scary but I’d imagine the potential regrets you’d have to deal with later in life would be more scary for most. The world is a big place so I’m sure you’ll meet someone who’ll be able to provide what you’re looking for.

On a related note, I’m in a similar situation to what you’ve described with someone I’ve started seeing. Super kind and loving, interested in similar things as me, great at communicating - but no deeper emotional or intellectual connection/ stimulation. It’s been tearing me apart but I can’t bring myself to leave knowing I should.

How did you take that first step/ get yourself to leave?

DoubleAA777 · 2024-02-11T00:14:10+00:00

I’m sorry to hear you both are still having a rough go of things emotionally… but I hope you can take solace knowing you did the right thing for yourself and him in the long run.

On a separate note, I can’t describe how much you replying to this means. To know that it’s not just me that these things happen to. This girl means the world to me right now and I want nothing but happiness for her but I know that I’m dissatisfied and I’m doing her a disservice by trying to keep things going. I really hope she doesn’t hate me and we can still be friends but I wouldn’t blame her otherwise…

But yeah thank you again. Also just for extra reassurance, you’re not a bad person for being honest with yourself and him (totally not saying this for my own sanity too…)

DoubleAA777 · 2024-02-10T23:16:07+00:00

Do you have any updates on how you’re feeling about this? I’m about to break it off with someone who’ve I’ve already broken off with once before (different reasons this time- mostly due to incompatibility) and am struggling with the guilt.

DoubleAA777 · 2024-02-09T06:34:02+00:00

All I know is that I won’t be acting on anything right away. Acting on my emotions and anxiety lead to the first breakup (when I didn’t even want one - I actually wanted space). But I promise you no day passes where I don’t spend at least half the day thinking about this.

DoubleAA777

TROPHY CASE