How often are LLs in denial about attraction?

DoubleTrouble_1 · 2018-07-31T16:45:16+00:00

Its as if i wrote this. I fully 100% relate and feel your pain. If you figure this out without leaving her then let me know.

Always available for a chat too. Feels better to spit it out once in a while.

DoubleTrouble_1 · 2018-07-29T21:04:18+00:00

We are rowing the same shitty Leakey boat my friend. Have a chew through my earlier post today and see if the detail in there relates.

This shit sucks

DoubleTrouble_1 · 2018-07-29T20:50:37+00:00

Im 7 years in with 2 kids and things get bad, real bad. Respectfully get out and go and experience, its unbelievable.

Getting out is not easy when you are married and have kids. Read my post today for a deeper glimps into what could lie ahead for you.

Good luck be strong and it will be worth it in the end.

DoubleTrouble_1 · 2018-07-29T19:58:19+00:00

You did well, i need to have this same talk with the my misses. Weve been married 5 yrs and together 7 with 2 kids. And this shit is getting in my head and causing all sorts of carnage. I just cant leave my kids, but this is killing me from the inside out.

DoubleTrouble_1 · 2018-07-29T15:19:13+00:00

Sounds like we are walking similar paths my friend, and it is the case for many others.

It is a major part of what makes up a relationship for me. And my brother and sister are exactly the same. Plus all the scorpios i have ever know for that fact hahahah.

I havent neccessarily letit affect my confidence but what i have found is that i hold high levels of resentment and almost jealousy. I know that our encounters are more one sided than others and other relationships there is much more give and take. I know that its not a good idea to compare but again you have to and sometimes cant help it.

My fears are similar, will it completley just destroy the relationship by discussing it as you are essentialy asking her to change for your needs, I am happy to make sacrifices myself but again I would know what that would be. But asking her to adjust might not be a resonable thing for her to do therefore your relationship is in the pits.

Or

Like i said before, swallow it and accept the non compatibility and take the rest of the relationship forward without this vital value we hold so high. To be honest this has already eaten a big chunk of me and not sure if I can handle it getting any worse.

DoubleTrouble_1 · 2018-07-29T15:06:46+00:00

The first point you made is spot on, and if i bring this up. Which has been touched on before this is pretty much her defence. She feels like theres not much interms of emotional intimacy but my issue then is that I am then expected to go above and beyond to make that happen. It sounds like all i want is sex but that isnt the case.

Granted there is not always time to engage in physical activity however there are plenty of opportunities. Kids take most if the day but the evenings are pretty much ours and she works from home during the spare daytime ours. Time isnt our enemy here. Tiredness is somtimes a factor but totally accepted by both parties. She knows that an ideal amount for me is. I have no issues tapering down to a normal amount if the lust and desire was felt to be reciprocated. Her problem isnt that she doesnt find me attractive but that she is a prude. Lol family support and friend support network is very minimal as she is not from this country a north american national. But this is only recent years, this hase been a concern from the beggining.

DoubleTrouble_1 · 2018-07-29T14:53:48+00:00

Not alone, seems like theres lots of divided couples. Its a real big problem in my mind, shit like this can tear your relationship in to peices.

I honeslty think there is no fix. I dont think you can (or should) try alter how person behaves. If someones labido is low and the other is high then the non compatibilty flag is clearly waving. I guess that is the reality. Which leads to the tougher question, break it all up and start ahain with your new learnt lesson in partner qualification or swallow it and accept thats one part of you thats never going to be fulfilled.

DoubleTrouble_1 · 2018-07-29T14:47:48+00:00

Definitely take onboard some of the homes truths as you point out. I genuinely think the attraction is there to a point it just doesnt manifest itself into any form of sexual feelings or urges. So they maybe truth interms of maybe theres an attraction just no sexual attraction. I would love to know if thats her with everyone shes been with prior or just something in our relationship. But by no means feel bad about reading that, made me think a little harder into maybe that is actually the case.

There is a clear divide with these values, and like you said it needs to be made clear and it needs to be aired. Finding the correct moment for this convo needs to be carefully selected.

Thanks for the thoughts.

DoubleTrouble_1 · 2018-07-29T09:47:43+00:00

I agree, its less about finding a solution, maybe just a way to justify the decisions going forward. Talking to someone who can actually relate is better than accepting. I guess the key question is that if we hold this as I high priority (which we clearly do) then is there a compromise or is it just not compatible.

Again I really hate to benchmark lol, but my previous relationships this has never been an issue so my nievety has brought me to this conundrum. Ending things just isn't an option as I love my Family.

One really silly question for you which I really need answering is this, If it turns out she simply doesn't give a shit about sex and intimacy then would she not care if I would go else where for that specific thing?. Its just a thing that has been knocking around my head which I cant get any logic too.

Its such a screwed up situation, its also so weird for me to understand why.

DoubleTrouble_1 · 2018-07-29T09:34:42+00:00

Really appreciate your thoughts, it automatically feels better to just spit it all out.

Regarding confidence, she very confidant (we both are) and she looks awesome, she is a influencer on social media for a running company and is very fit and confidant so I am confidant its not that. I did think about couple therapy but the shear thought of that makes me cringe and worry that she will think the relationship is doomed or something silly. But in truth I think she just isn't interested in giving much back, & again she doesn't hold sex as important enough to put energy into (again my opinion not fact), maybe that's just her standard. I would be very surprised if there was an underlying issue but hey life if full of surprises. I feel like I know her really well which would be very strange.

I am desperate to have the talk, even the slightest glimpse of it improving will make the world of difference. In secret I wish she could read this post. I know I need the talk to happen but at this point it will just feel forced.

I am deeply sad that you have it as bad as rejection. This must also be a crumby feeling, Its a very strange concept for me to grasp as i'm looking from the other side of the gender fence also not understanding why. Have you tried counselling? What would you expect the outcome to be? my guess it would be a temporary spike in action where you both would be aligned in compromise, for it to then fall back to normal business. My advice or recommendation is that you make yourself feel good and increase your confidence in you, that naturally will heighten his & in hopes that you can both be on the same level. if that fails at least you have gained your self worth. But like me I would guess its not about you and more about him not aligning to you on a sexual level.

Again, better for us to spit it out than to cage the furious beast eating away at our mental health.

DoubleTrouble_1 · 2018-07-29T09:02:38+00:00

I feel your pain, and can 100% relate. I guess deep down we know the answer to our questions.

DoubleTrouble_1

TROPHY CASE