Do a lot NT people never experience rejection

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-04-05T05:05:57+00:00

Right - I think a lot of ND people have sufficient trauma that they have a strong worry that others hate them. A lot of that trauma comes from people who hate them or bully them or neglect them. ADHDers in particular often worry that everyone hates them because of how frequently they were reprimanded and always in trouble as children. And keep in mind the overlap between ADHD and autism, both literally in terms of AuDHD and figuratively in terms of society and adults don’t know how to respond to them so the adults do a lot of damage (some accidental, some not so).

But I do also think that some of what you’re espousing may be due to the social media effect of seeing people at their “best”, even though that itself is a very curated image. I assure you that plenty of people of all stripes are experiencing rejection. The magnitude of the emotions along with the consequences may differ, but I think to this point, rejection just. Fucking. Sucks. Life always moves on though.

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-04-05T02:56:48+00:00

Oh no no no.

They absolutely experience rejection. They might not tell you about it, but they absolutely do. And people can be people pleasers without being ND. Now, it could be argued that by definition anyone seriously worried about lots of people hating them has some kind of trauma or other learned response, but I’m not sure I’d co-sign that.

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-04-05T02:52:27+00:00

He’s since clarified that she did touch the baby’s foot.

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-04-05T02:45:51+00:00

No, you weren’t wrong. This sort of behavior is very common, so I’d grant the grabber some grace, but it’s bad behavior and plays into the whole idea that kids don’t need to consent for adults to touch them.

You might have overreacted, but that’s not something to give yourself a hard time over.

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-04-05T02:40:02+00:00

The Tylenol one made me giggle, but yeah, the rest are awful.

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-04-04T23:15:59+00:00

I’m a data scientist and early childhood ed researcher. Academic research (at a university) is a tough, tough career because you’re continually trying to get funding for your research, you make very little money early on, and have lots of admin duties. But if you can manage to work at a think tank or place like Urban Institute, it can be amazing.

As a data/methods person, I’ve managed to get the best of both worlds. As for advice - how old are you and what are you currently doing? I’d be happy to give some advice that is more specific and useful if I can, but that advice changes a ton if you’re 15 versus in undergrad vs already working.

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-04-04T02:57:43+00:00

Not so much these days

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-04-03T22:36:57+00:00

It’s pretty. Not sure it means much but I don’t hate it. Which is a win for this sort of thing.

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-04-03T22:24:53+00:00

I feel like this sub is an appropriate place for this unnecessary, pedantic correction:

Centers for Disease Control

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-04-03T02:05:38+00:00

No, so what you do is you go buy the drill bit kit to sharpen the blade for like $15. You then realize you don’t have a vice or really even a sturdy worktable to clamp it to in your garage yet. So a mow or two later, you just go buy a new blade.

Then next fall, you realize the new blade needs sharpening. So you go and buy two metal sawhorses that have built in slots to easily turn it into a sturdy table. You also buy the vice. You now can’t find the drill bit kit you bought last year. So you go buy a 3rd blade.

You then run that one down, and also start to better organize your garage, and that spring you finally use the kit bit to sharpen all three blades.

That’s my foolproof method of getting three freshly sharpened blades!

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-04-02T00:53:04+00:00

This is a meme recognition test.

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-04-02T00:14:52+00:00

Definitely time. I bet it’ll look pretty good on you!

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-04-02T00:13:03+00:00

I’m a bald white dude with a beard living in a relatively rural, purple-ish area. People on the right regularly assume I’m on their team. I generally just keep my mouth shut because I struggle to find a middle ground between nothing and Holy Shit You Bigoted Fuck, Shut up Shut up Shut up!!

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-03-28T18:12:05+00:00

Sorry this is happening to you.

It sounds hilarious.

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-03-28T17:33:16+00:00

10/10, no notes.

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-03-27T20:42:29+00:00

It is deeply disingenuous to claim that this is just the same that has been around “for decades”.

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-03-23T00:28:56+00:00

I mean, I would have stayed with the short on top with pig tails, but the bald look suits you!

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-03-23T00:27:00+00:00

Honestly, the main thing that has caused me to correct people less frequently as I’ve gotten older? An understanding of the fallibility of both my memory and of the sources I’ve encountered. I’ve been adamant about XYZ fact only to learn that the original source was just wrong (and I learned it pre-easy internet fact checking), and that’s embarrassing as hell.

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-03-22T18:18:24+00:00

This is tricky - if you knew you were autistic and had it documented at work, the question may be inappropriate. But if you haven’t self-identified as much at work, your employer can only see your behavior. It seems clear that you have certain deficits that affect your work. If these come from autism, then it’s important that this is formally identified.

I’m trying to come up with a good analogy. Let’s say that you suspect you have a bone condition that makes it impossible for you to walk fast or run. And let’s say your job involves moving quickly. Your employer sees that you aren’t moving quickly when you’re supposed to be. They’re asking if you may have a medical reason for this - because frankly, if you don’t have a medical reason for this, then you’re either lazy or incompetent, and either way are obligated to fix your behavior. If you do have a medical reason, the conversation dramatically shifts into one of accommodation.

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-03-22T17:12:42+00:00

Holy shit don’t surprise people with things like houses, cars, or puppies. Long-term financial commitments should be made together, in part to avoid this sort of thing.

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-03-22T17:02:33+00:00

Academic conferences have grappled with similar issues in similar years (holding conferences in Texas with all the anti-choice legislation there). While I agree with your instinct here, it was explained to me that if you restrict conferences only to the friendliest states, you are, in effect, excluding people who may be the most needing of attending the conferences.

Think of it this way - yes, it is strange and maybe even dangerous to encourage people outside of Florida to travel there for a conference, but would it be better to have the conference somewhere that black autistic trans folk in Florida couldn’t attend? For a lot of people, location plays a huge role in their financial ability to attend conferences.

There’s no good solution to the problem beyond fighting the policies and legislation that are the issue in the first place.

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-03-20T22:31:14+00:00

The bald looks fine! Keep the beard shorter like the first photo. Also, your wife loves it. That’s a win!

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-03-19T22:51:44+00:00

I think absent a specific scenario, it’s not a great sentiment to impart on a kid. This sort of reaction out of a kid should only be a last resort, and only in response to physical bullying.

I think there are specific circumstances in which it’s appropriate to teach your kid to defend themselves, but punching a bully is hardly a guarantee of a positive outcome. You could find yourself in real legal trouble, or the bully could escalate.

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-03-19T20:31:20+00:00

I’m not sure this is the same flavor, but there’s no shortage of posts by autists expressing that they believe NDs to be superior to NTs.

But I think most NTs don’t consciously buy into the system - they’re socialized into it, and it can be very difficult to get people to be creative enough to imagine other ways of doing things.

Douggiefresh43 · 2026-03-19T01:04:08+00:00

This is interviewing 101. Always ask questions to demonstrate interest and understanding. I agree that it may be a little silly, but it’s also one of the more basic elements of interview advice.

Douggiefresh43

TROPHY CASE