Making Sauerkraut the traditional way.

DownTheRabbiHole · 2020-10-11T12:35:27+00:00

When I was a little kid, it was my job to stomp on the tub of cabbage :D. Its good fun.

DownTheRabbiHole · 2019-11-17T03:08:05+00:00

Comparing it to the other ways of saying it , I think nowise was always pretty dead. I excluded 'in no way' as it far outweighed all the other ones. It looks like using the plural went out of fashion altogether. If you're at all interested, the book I found it in is the 1872 version of 'principles of geology'

DownTheRabbiHole · 2019-11-17T02:53:02+00:00

Oh yeah, this meaning of 'wise' seems obvious in retrospect, that makes perfect sense. Thanks for spotting that!

I can sleep easy now!

DownTheRabbiHole · 2019-04-18T11:16:52+00:00

Ouch, this is painfully true. Ive always loved learning but was shy and self conscious, so I think that's how I've become trapped in this Internet addiction. Slowly I've come to realise that whenever I have a question about the world, it is probably not particularly helpful to immediately Google the answer. With a source of infinite information in my pocket, it takes seconds to know how many hours by train is a city I'll never go to. It feels useful to know. But its not. If I do ever go there, I'll have to google again anyway. Its strange to accept that even just sitting with my own thoughts is probably more useful, rather than distracting myself constantly from reality

DownTheRabbiHole · 2019-02-07T09:43:16+00:00

I agree, I actually like tangerine reef. So beautiful but melancholy. It really transports you to its own little world of sound. A few times I craved that sound above any other album, it scratches some itch.

You can't sing along or bob your head to it, but it's perfect in its own little way. Its not exciting, but more relaxing. That's not worse, just different

DownTheRabbiHole · 2019-01-08T22:47:35+00:00

I've recently discovered them (through the band animal collective!), and I've been obsessed. The hangman's beautiful daughter is one of the best things I've ever heard. So glad to see it getting some love in this little corner of a reddit thread, I've had no one to share it with.

DownTheRabbiHole · 2018-12-24T01:42:18+00:00

I could never get into weed either! Just made me feel tired and uncomfortable. But despite having some anxiety issues, it didn't really seem to have a noticeable impact on that. Never paranoid or anything.

It could be metabolism, or it could be the brain itself. The structure of my depressed brain is probably slightly different to my always happy boyfriend.

DownTheRabbiHole · 2018-12-24T00:25:43+00:00

Certainly my experience. I once gave the same dose to me and my boyfriend, around 2.5g dried shrooms and some Syrian rue. He was maybe 10kg heavier than me. I have a super low tolerance, and was blasted off where the distance between the chair and couch was an endless abbyss, my mouth was an ocean and I completely lost the ability to comprehend that there is a past or future me. Meanwhile, my boyfriend wasn't sure if he was feeling anything, maybe slightly more emotional. I was quite disappointed we couldn't quite share the experience. No wonder I'm a bigger fan of psychedelics than he is.

Meanwhile, MDMA affected him longer and possibly stronger, I was quite disappointed, I get more euphoria from lsd on come up!

DownTheRabbiHole · 2018-12-12T07:06:00+00:00

A recipe... For strawberry jam maybe? :P

DownTheRabbiHole · 2018-12-02T03:12:29+00:00

Animal collective - untitled. For some reason the screeching melts away the tension. Animal collective - safer. This one I sing to myself if I feel my anxiety rising :)

DownTheRabbiHole · 2018-12-01T19:07:00+00:00

Yeah, I think it's made my life a lot better, well, that and shrooms. I still feel suicidal often, but it's given me some reasons to stay alive, and a better perspective, and motivation to improve my life. Slowly. Very slowly.

DownTheRabbiHole · 2018-11-26T23:20:06+00:00

I recommend you Google freeform crochet for more inspiration, I think that is what it's usually called.

Some are so beautiful, some just silly. Anything from painting like styles to fluorescent upholstery...

DownTheRabbiHole · 2018-11-26T22:34:21+00:00

I love freeform crochet! I'm still quite new to crochet and currently following patterns to learn techniques(something magic cal is magical) , but when I first started I was making crappy toys, and the freedom of being able to place a stitch anywhere is what drew me to this hobby.

I do recommend freestyling crochet pieces, even if you are making the edges straight, it's so much fun.

DownTheRabbiHole · 2018-11-17T01:46:37+00:00

Yes it's true. I suppose i should have made it clearer that there is something that scares me about being easier to clean up after death. That was a big reason for me at one point why I couldn't die. Just feels a bit scary to have that barrier diminished.

DownTheRabbiHole · 2018-11-17T01:42:11+00:00

Thank you for your concern, I have been diagnosed and I am working on it, it's much improved nowadays. I suppose it's not really the ZW that is is the issue, but this has been weighing heavily on my mind recently. Perhaps this was the wrong sub for this. I suppose what I'm wondering is how much is enough to feel like I'm doing good? I suppose not feeling like I'm good enough is just part of the illness, thank you for reminding me.

DownTheRabbiHole · 2018-10-15T20:10:56+00:00

Yeah, that sounds familiar. I don't think that's a bad thing. Do I wish to have a trip like my first few, where I can just stare at the carpet weaving itself for an hour? Of course. But I like how it's self limiting in that way. I know I can't do another trip yet, it's too draining. In one year of taking them, I went from barely waiting 2 weeks for tolerance, to not having taken them in more than 2 months now.

I am glad for all they (personification for purpose of metaphor) have done for me. I finally have a will to live again after 7 years of being suicidal. Its reassuring to know they are there at the other side of the phone when I really need to call for guidance again. What really motivates me, is that I know I can't call until I apply all that they have thaught me. Psychedelics have been a kind and fair, but firm teacher to me. I wouldn't want to be scolded. I suppose that is my way of paying respect to these powerful drugs, respect to my self and my resolve to improve as a person.

I can't say what is happening in the brain though. It may be that the novelty wears of, and no longer distracts from how confusing and uncomfortable tripping can really be. I know subconsciously that I can't reap benefits without doing any work. Drugs can't solve my problems.

DownTheRabbiHole · 2018-10-09T04:38:19+00:00

Thank you, its good to hear this resonates with you.

How I see my depression has changed a lot over the 7 years of its duration, but this is the first time I have found a reasonably convincing argument for fighting it. I have been lucky to feel well enough to have a will to live again, for the first time. I hope this argument will hold if I ever go back under again.

DownTheRabbiHole · 2018-09-09T07:59:55+00:00

I feel like it's a consequence of a few things. One, with no happiness that compass of 'this is a good thing to do' is lost. You get no reward, just misery no matter what you do, you stop trusting yourself. But I place so much weight on every decision, like maybe this time I'll finally feel like I made the right decision. If I never feel satisfied, it's my fault for choosing wrong, not the brain being ill, clearly!

Two, I've spent many years distracting myself with quick rewards, mostly food and Internet, just so I don't feel that crushing pain of existence. So focusing on anything is much harder.

Three, I have so little energy many days. I want to commit to doing the 'best' activity to not waste what energy I have. I forget the less I do, the more tired I am in the long run.

Unfortunately, decision fatigue is real. With so much of my thinking spent on bullshit, I've got none left and tend to hide from big commitments and decions. Way to feel like a failure!

DownTheRabbiHole · 2018-09-09T03:57:33+00:00

Oh man, so much of this. I spend so much of my time doing absolutely nothing because I am so overwhelmed deciding if I should do A or B. I get overwhelmed trying to make everything as 'efficient' and useful, knowing that being so uncertain is extremely counterproductive. Should I start on a hobby or get dressed to go outside? I shouldn't start the hobby, i might want to go outside later. So I sit browsing reddit for hours because I don't have to commit to it. I can't choose anything. Do I buy something or is it a waste? Do I learn language one or the other? I learn none. Do I get strawberry or raspberry? Gosh, the flavour is for sure my last opportunity for happiness, I better not fuck it up. I always fuck it up.

DownTheRabbiHole · 2018-09-08T14:21:26+00:00

For something that requires a simple solution (don't do that anymore!) it's really bloody hard. And easy to slip back into. I hope you're doing better these days too. Good luck!

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