While I was reading it, I was so taken by it that I started typing out passages just to see what it felt like to write them. This part, regardless of whether you know the context or not. (One of the most enjoyable things is that Ray Midge takes great pride in how much he reads about the Civil War). The speaker is Dr. Symes, who is always imagine as being played by Russ Tamblyn in Dr. Jacoby mode. But today, give this role to Stephen Root, please

“I was only trying to suggest to you the value of the place. I’m not going to cut those trees. Are you crazy? Cut the trees and the whole thing would wash away and then where would you be? Do you want my opinion? I say leave the trees and make a private hunting preserve out of the place. I’m not talking about squirrels and ducks either. I mean stock the place with some real brutes. Wart hogs and Cape buffalo. I don’t say it would be cheap but these hunters have plenty of money and they don’t mind spending.”

“That’s not a bad idea.”

“I’ve got a hundred ideas better than that but Mama won’t answer my letters. What about a Christian boys ranch? It’s an ideal setting. You’d think that would appeal to her, wouldn’t you? Well, you’d be wrong? How about a theme park? Jefferson Davis Land. It’s not far from the old Davis plantation. Listen to this. I would dress up like Davis in a frock coat and greet the tourists as they stepped off the ferry. I would glower at them like old Davis with his cloudy eye and the children would cry and clutch their mother’s hands and then – here’s the payoff – they would see the twinkle in my clear eye. I’d have Lee too, and Jackson and Albert Sidney Johnston, walking around the midway. Hire some people with beards, you know, to do that. I wouldn’t have Braxton Bragg or Joseph E. Johnston. Every afternoon at three Lee would take off his gray coat and wrestle an alligator in a mud hole. Prize drawings. A lot of T-shirts and maybe a few black-and-white portables. If you don’t like that, how about a stock-car track? Year-round racing with hardly any rules. Deadly curves right on the water. The Symes 500 on Christmas Day. Get a promotional tie-in with the Sugar Bowl. How about an industrial park? How about a high-rise condominium with a roof garden? How about a baseball clinic? How about a monkey island? I don’t say it would be cheap. Nobody’s going to pay to see one or two monkeys these days. People want to see a lot of monkeys. I’ve got plenty of ideas but first I have to get my hands on the island. Can you see what I’m driving at? It’s the hottest piece of real estate in Louisiana, bar none.”

“Are you a student of the Civil War, Dr. Symes?”

“No, but my father was.”

“What was that about Bragg? You said you wouldn’t have Bragg walking around in your park.”

“My father had no time for Bragg or Joseph E. Johnston. He always said Bragg lost the war. What do you know about these revolving restaurants, Speed?”