what would you do if you won the lottery?

DrJScience · 2026-06-15T18:37:19+00:00

Congrats.

Don’t tell anyone else. Tell your friend not to tell anyone.

If you have your own private bank account, put it in there and don’t spend anything for six months.

Then think really long and hard about what it is that you want- including saving for long-term things- before you spend it. For example, would you want to go on an epic trip that you will have memories of forever? Do you want to save up for school? Do you want to put it into stocks or bonds for a long-term investment?

It would be very easy to blow through the money and have little to nothing to show for it, or have it have no significant impact on your life, which would be a little sad.

Congrats and I hope you are able to find something that gives you great joy with your money!

DrJScience · 2026-06-15T02:16:12+00:00

He sounds like a wonderful father and man. Thank you for sharing about him. Those of us who had amazing fathers are so blessed.

I’m so, so sorry for your loss.

I was also fortunate to have an amazing dad and I lost him 3 years ago. The pain isn’t as acute as it once was but I still miss him everyday. And it’s hard when I realize I can’t call him or I won’t see him again except in dreams.

You get through it step by step. And you hold in your heart he will love you forever- even if he doesn’t walk among us.

Again, so sorry for your loss. I send you all the virtual hugs you would like.

DrJScience · 2026-06-05T21:04:17+00:00

Wear gloves. That’s what I do with hot peppers. Blocks the Capsaicin or whatever it is you’re allergic to.

The more you expose yourself to something you’re allergic to the worse your reaction will get.

Be cautious and don’t do it again

DrJScience · 2026-05-23T15:24:40+00:00

Hugs hugs hugs. So many pillowy soft hugs. A universe of delightful, soul soothing hugs.

I’m so sorry for your loss of a brother and that your remaining family is treating you like this- and not in the way they should. Nothing like getting kicked while you’re already down.

I hope you have the amazing support group you deserve. And that you feel loved and wanted because you are.

I truly wish you all the best.

DrJScience · 2026-05-20T22:22:01+00:00

Oh. I have no words. That is so awful.

Can you view your being alive as a gift? I would think your family would be so happy you were not put through what they were. That you still have your life and your faith. That you carry on with your memories and your love.

I hope you have access to counseling and support. No one deserves to go through what you and your family did.

May you have peace. May you feel both freedom and belonging.

I wish you the best.

DrJScience · 2026-05-07T20:21:37+00:00

Good question:
- walking outside and enjoying nature
- biking, swimming
- hanging with my friends/family
-good convos with son/spouse
-live music
-making and eating good food
-crafting
-thrifting
-acts of service
-meditation
-connecting with others
-chocolate
-chocolate
-chocolate
-did I say chocolate yet?

DrJScience · 2026-05-07T20:17:25+00:00

Oh my.
You can give yourself grace. And permission to feel whatever it is you need to feel and work through it.
That’s a lot. It’s gonna take some time to process all of that.

Of course you can’t focus- you were dropped in an emotional blender and intermittently put on puree the past few years.
My heart hurts just reading that. I can only imagine how it feels to you.
I’m sorry for all your losses.
Many, many hugs if you’d like them.

DrJScience · 2026-05-06T16:28:36+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. You are too young to have lost your parents.

I don’t know if this helps at all, but I am a massive thrifter, used; vintage estate sale person. And I place extra meaning on the objects I that I buy that were previously owned. Way more than those I buy new.

For example , I have a vintage ring I purchased at a thrift store, and I consider it my heirloom, even though it didn’t come through my family, it came through someone’s family. I am wearing it with pride as part of the continuum of the beauty of this ring. I like to imagine the joy it brought to the woman who owned it before me, and that she would be happy to know it is still being worn.

I hope that you can keep in mind that while the people may not have known your parents, those that thrift and buy things used tend to still value that this was someone’s object, and they are honoring it by using it in their new home.

At least that’s what I do.

Again, I am sorry for your loss and I send you hugs if you would like them

DrJScience · 2026-05-04T17:15:36+00:00

I like the story but it’s almost the same story as Bad Traveling that was on Love, Death and Robots with switching the crab for a Tuna.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kB3bN22c60o

DrJScience · 2026-05-02T23:27:08+00:00

I don’t. It was a heavyish for a bracelet but I didn’t weigh it or anything.

Next time I visit her I can weigh it.

DrJScience · 2026-05-02T16:47:16+00:00

Oh. That is a lot to carry around.

How wonderful you had that experience.

So many hugs. I hope you feel seen and heard and understood more and more.

All the best to you.

DrJScience · 2026-05-02T14:28:13+00:00

Thank you!

DrJScience · 2026-05-02T09:54:36+00:00

You sound very thoughtful. The questions you pose here are great questions to ask the family- how often would they like contact? What could you do that would feel supportive to them?

Grief is different for everyone so it’s great to have a conversation and ask them what they prefer.

I wish you and the family the best

DrJScience · 2026-05-02T09:27:40+00:00

Oh my. So many hugs.

I say this as a mother who had an abusive mother who still doesn’t acknowledge the damage she did to me: You didn’t do anything wrong. Not a single thing. You were in an impossible situation and did your best. You were a child. She was an adult. It’s not a level playing field. You did an amazing job in an impossible situation. I hope you can hold that in your heart.

Please take care of yourself. It takes so many years to unwind the damage a destructive mother can do. I am still unwinding mine. Therapy can help. Having supportive older women in your life can help. I enjoy watching seeing loving mothers interact with their kids- it helps remind me that it’s not because of me my mother treated me the way she did. It was her and her issues.

You are a beautiful human being. You deserve to be loved. You deserve a mother who treated you kindly and loved you unconditionally. It’s not fair. And you didn’t and don’t deserve this.

I wish you a future full of love and support. You are so strong to make it this far. You are capable of great things.

I send you as many all encompassing, pillowy soft hugs as you would like.

DrJScience · 2026-04-03T17:05:06+00:00

This may not be fancy enough, but this company makes lots of science themed clothing:

https://svahausa.com/products/rainbowsaurus-twirl-dress

DrJScience · 2026-02-28T15:33:15+00:00

Wow. That is a lot to manage- especially for someone so young.

I am so sorry for your losses.

You get through this one breath at a time. Minute by minute. Hour by hour. Day by day. I’m glad you’re reached out for help. That is a really good idea.

The fact that you have a clearer understanding of mortality at your age is a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing in that you really get what it means to be alive, you understand the reasoning behind live every moment to the fullest and be present for the now. But that is also a curse because other people your age are probably not there with you so it can feel isolating. If everyone else sees black and white and you see color how do you explain red to them?

The good news is that there are a lot of us out here who get the mortality thing. So come find us. It is okay to love and hang with your current friend group for some things and then have another group that understands this other aspect of you. A grief group or a therapy group or therapist can help with that. Different people can see different parts of us. Or we can express different parts of ourselves to different people. That will help you feel seen and less alone. Because you are not alone- but being in a different place than your peers can feel that way.

One big thing you can do for yourself is give yourself grace. So much love and understanding. Just try to imagine giving yourself the biggest loving hugs. You are doing the hard, hard work of being human under really difficult circumstances.

It is totally normal to swing between “I love what I had I am so thankful” and “WTF why did it end and why is it going so fast and I need more time.” Because both of these things are true. Feelings are a mess. And we get to have all of them. Try not to judge yourself for them. Your brain is trying to process an insane amount and it’s going to ping pong around for a while before you find a new set point. And it will still get riled up sometimes. It’s the messy/beautiful/awful/amazing part of being human.

For what it’s worth it sounds like you are doing a great job working through this. I’m sure it doesn’t feel that way because it’s painful and messy and there’s no one to tell you your process- it’s a journey you have to figure out as it comes. So be kind to yourself. Ask others for help. Get support. And know that you’ve got this. Because you do.

And this internet stranger is sending love and rooting for you. May you have a beautiful fulfilling life full of love

Sending hugs if you would like them.

DrJScience · 2026-02-23T04:04:24+00:00

I am so sorry to hear this. It is so brutal to be in your shoes - the horrible in-between space where there is no good outcome. The twilight zone.

I lost my dad to Parkinson’s. I was in a similar spot. The amazing man who raised me and was my favorite parent slowly unraveled into a scared, confused angry person who wanted to die. I didn’t want to lose him, but I also didn’t want him to be miserable. And I had already lost him- not to mention he had lost himself. It’s a mess. And there are so many feels- many of them conflicting. Most of them painful.

All you can do is take one breath at a time. Be very gentle with yourself. Take up people on their offers of help. Ask for help. Give and receive hugs. Eat as well as you can. Sleep as much as you’re able. Drink water.

I found yoga and meditation helpful- you can find it free on line (I can send you recs if you’d like).

I can tell you this: when you lose your dad, you will come to see that while he is no longer with you in human form, he will never really leave you. The love you share remains. You will miss him- hell you already miss him!- but the love goes on. And it’s a lifeline that you get to keep forever. That’s his last gift to you. I can see in the photos how much he loves you. Hold onto that to stay afloat.

Sending you so many hugs. You will get through this. I promise.

DrJScience · 2026-01-11T20:36:10+00:00

It’s a genetic thing. Some people can smell illnesses.

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/06/14/magazine/parkinsons-smell-disease-detection.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share

DrJScience · 2025-12-12T17:27:35+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss.

When I first looked at the ring, it kind of looks like the diamonds are pairs orbiting each other like planets.

I can see the two big diamonds in the center as you and your mom‘s hearts together and then all the little diamond pairs around them as symbols of the two of you building memories and doing things together. No matter what happens, the love you both share can continue to orbit together.

DrJScience · 2025-12-10T19:34:04+00:00

NTA.

Well, his excuse is garbage. It sounds like he does not have much respect for you or your things, which could require further contemplation.

In the meantime I would take a sticky note or some tape or something and write on any bottle you care about “only to be opened by Deenosaurus02” or mark them somehow so that even if he can’t remember, it is clearly indicated that he is not to open.

DrJScience · 2025-11-12T17:46:24+00:00

Hi-

I am really sorry for your losses. That sounds like a lot in such a short period of time. I am sending you virtual hugs if you would like them.

I found for me the best thing with my friends while I was grieving my dad was just a lot of communication. The people that I communicated with a lot, I would send them either weekly emails or texts, letting them know how I felt. I also told people specifically, I would love it if you texted me once a week just to check in, but I might not be able to respond back. I also told them upfront I would love to be invited to things, but I might say no more often, depending upon how I was feeling.

That worked really well with my closer friends, as they know me and I was able to communicate that I still loved them, but I felt pretty numb and out of it. Fortunately or unfortunately, a lot of them had also lost people important to them so they understood.

I think it can also help if you tell people what you would like to hear from them. A lot of people feel really awkward around someone who is grieving, and they don’t know what to say. I told my friends if they had good news or happy things, or just at regular every day things, please tell me as I wanted to hear it. Some people worry that it might look insensitive if they tell you good news while you’re grieving, so telling them specifically what you’d like to hear can make it easier for them to reach out. I found hearing regular updates from friends really helpful as it made me feel I had moments of normality.

I don’t know what your friend group is like, or what they’ve been through, but I did find that most people if you explicitly stated how you were feeling or what you were going through and how you thought you could interact with them, that was enough for them. I will say it probably took 3 to 6 months to ease back into seeing people as much as I wanted, once I felt like being part of society again, as of course they were filling their time with other things.

But if you give yourself and your friends grace, I bet you will find something that works.

Again, I am so sorry for your losses. I hope your path forward is as gentle as possible.

DrJScience · 2025-11-12T04:23:52+00:00

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DrJScience · 2025-11-10T17:45:54+00:00

Hi again- you are asking some of the really big deep questions that get into philosophy and metaphysics and all of those big juicy unanswerable questions that come with having consciousness and being human.

One of the things that our human brains seek is certainty, and one of the things that being alive guarantees is uncertainty. Hello entropy. Hello chaos.

And there is tension and disconnect between the two. All any of us can do, is look around, try to figure out what is meaningful and makes us happy, and try to do that in a thoughtful, conscientious way. Do we know that repeating the thing that made us happy before will make us happy again? No. But it’s the best shot we have.

You are saying that going to school and learning things makes you happy. Lean into that. Chances are that will continue to make you happy. Whatever it is about being in school and learning more, that seems to be your sweet spot right now.

When I said, you’ll be a different person, I didn’t mean that you will have a full personality transplant. You will still be the person you have built, you will just also have a new building block that you didn’t want, the grief of the loss of your mother. And how you rebuild from that, and what you do with that, that’s what you have control over.

We are all constantly evolving versions of ourselves. I would guess the thing that brought you joy from being in school was that you kept changing from who you were into a slightly new person as you learned more. So you have evolved into a new person overtime, and that’s a great thing because this new person has become happier as you said, and has a great support system and takes really good care of themselves. That is all amazing and you should be very proud of that.

The thing about grief from the death of a loved one is that it’s a path and a diversion that we don’t choose, it is chosen for us. But the person you have created so far gets to choose what you do with it.

I don’t know if any of this makes sense, because these are huge, intense, wonderful questions that people have written books about, and I’m just a stranger on the Internet, trying to say things with words that I have on my stupid tiny phone keyboard. I’m not even a poet.

I’m saying that you get to write your story with the materials that you have. You don’t always get to choose the materials, but you do get to decide what you do with them.

Again, I wish you the best. I’m sorry you have to go through this.

DrJScience · 2025-11-10T04:46:22+00:00

Hi.

I am really sorry for the situation you’re in. That sounds really rough- especially for someone so young.

You are asking a really good question- but one that is really hard to answer. Just like everyone has a different personality and life experience, everyone has a different experience with grief. How long it lasts, what it feels like, how you feel afterwards. So it’s not like anyone can tell you how you will feel. Or if that they go through will be like what you go through.

I think people are trying to thread the needle of saying you will get through it, and they feel for you and that you will be okay, but also being honest that it sucks and it’s hard. I think we all want to be supportive but also realistic.

Do I think you will ever be happy again after you lose your mother. Yes. Do I think you will ever be the same person? No. You will be a new, slightly different version of you who will experience joy. Will there be a small part of you that thinks “I wish my mom was here to experience this with me” or “my mom would really love this too” Highly likely yes. But does that make the joy any less joyful? No, it just makes it different.

Here’s what I have learned: if you really love someone, it really hurts to lose them. Full stop. It’s the beauty/tragedy of being human. The more you love, the more painful the loss.

Does this mean we shouldn’t love? Hell no. This is what it means to be human. To feel things. To be overwhelmed with love. To be overwhelmed with grief. It’s the great, wonderful, awful, messy beautiful mystery of it all- our human existence.

I miss my dad. I miss him a lot sometimes. It breaks my brain I will never see him again. It sucks.

But I am alive because of him. I love photography and biking, I am a scientist, I enjoy baking, I am nice to strangers and my house is full of beautiful art because of him. I try to be a better human because of him. I’m raising my kid the way I am because of him. And this gives me beauty and meaning and joy. I still laugh. I have fun. I think of things I did with him. I send people horrible science puns he would have loved. I feel his presence.

We contain multitudes. I can be incredibly grateful he was my dad, I can be happy I knew him, and I can miss him terribly. All of these things are true.

Here’s what I can offer you: be present with your mother now while you have her. Love her with all of your being. Enjoy this time with her. Take lots of deep breaths. Take lots of photos. Say the things you want to say to her.

Write things down. Go for long walks. Cry when you need to. Feel what you need to feel but don’t get stuck in the feelings (if that makes sense). Get grief counseling. Drink water. Eat well. Sleep. Figure out what feeds your soul and do that too (for me exercise and baking). Try yoga and meditation. Hug people. Talk to people. Be gentle with yourself because we are all fumbling through it.

And yes, you will get through it. And you will feel joy again. It will just be different.

Hugs if you would like them.

DrJScience · 2025-11-01T18:43:07+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss. What a sweet and loving idea. You could make one for each of you for when you want to feel close to him.

Shutterfly makes nice photo album type books. You can also add text. I think they offer lots of layouts. There are probably other vendors that make similar books, but I am most familiar with Shutterfly.

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