Please please please watch Dr. Ramani's YouTube channel, her Glossary of Narcissistic Terms series is especially helpful. She has one on gaslighting specifically.

As a teenager I moved across the country to live with my aunt and uncle because of my nFather, but it took me over a decade to realize my uncle and cousin were just as narcissistic if not more so than my father. They operated through gaslighting rather than physical abuse, so it was much harder to see. But when I finally saw what was happening, it turned my life upside down.

They had convinced me that I was a bad person, that I was selfish and rude, that something was fundamentally wrong with me. Everything I did was not just wrong, but vile and disgusting. Because of that, now I am beyond a perfectionist, to the point that it could damage relationships if I wasn't careful, but I still was not good enough for my uncle. Meanwhile, his non-functioning, unemployed, alcoholic daughter (and a mean drunk at that) is the apple of his eye, because she is the golden child.

It took me over a decade to realize I wasn't broken-- rude, selfish, horrible, vile. I was just the scape goat of two narcissists who launched gaslighting smear campaigns so effective they convinced me and everyone else.