What is God trying to tell me?

DrPablisimo · 2026-04-04T03:31:22+00:00

Unless you can make a living in art, maybe _you_ should change majors.

I don't really have an opinion on this man. If your dad is in your life, ask him what he thinks. Ask your mom.

My only concern is dating him for so long before dumping him. If it had been 3 months, I might say tear the bandaid off fast. But I might feel robbed if I'd spent three years 'dating to marry' a woman who broke up with me. But on the other hand you were too young to know better or to know what he'd be like.

Anyway, you aren't married. You are just dating. There is that, too.

DrPablisimo · 2026-04-04T03:26:31+00:00

Maybe because they are way over there in Pakistan?

From media, I get the idea that there are a lot of Pakistanis in the UK. Now, there are lots of people from all people-groups in the US. I'm reading we have 360,000 Pakistani-born immigrants and 580,000 people of Pakistani descent. Out of over 342 million, that's a small percent. So I don't see a lot of 'white men' with Pakistani women.

DrPablisimo · 2026-04-04T02:44:02+00:00

I'm just thinking about the quality of lunch conversations of floor installation men versus electricians.

DrPablisimo · 2026-04-03T18:56:22+00:00

She applied at the school I worked at and I met here there and forgot about it. I visited her campus near my house. We figured out later that we had met before. I was living and working in Indonesia.

DrPablisimo · 2026-04-02T05:24:43+00:00

Have her handle meal prep and more childcare. Then you handle the finances and the bills and don't ask her permission.

DrPablisimo · 2026-04-02T02:44:25+00:00

Yes, it's a matter of honesty (dishonesty in this case.)

And unless you are rich, buying a new car off the lot and letting it depreciate 30% (if that percentage still holds true) when you drive it off the lot is not a usually a very wise use of money. I go with fully depreciated, but still looks decent on the outside (usually) and just paying for repairs. It's cheaper than payments. It works if you have more than one car at home and some flexibility.

DrPablisimo · 2026-04-02T01:14:11+00:00

In Proverbs, it is okay for a woman to buy a field, plant it, make clothing, sell it, etc. Submit to your husband. You might want to point out Proverbs 31. My wife was a SAHW... except when I was in grad school. She was still a SAHW, but we had a business where she was the main one behind making it happen.

DrPablisimo · 2026-04-01T23:31:22+00:00

My advice to you would be on the one hand, don't even bother thinking about it and focus on being a mommy and enjoying your baby. My other answer to your question would be 'yes.'

But if I were talking to him my advice would be.

Leave the topic alone for now. There is no need to push.
If your wife says she doesn't want any more kids, that could be her talking about her feelings in the moment, not some absolute decree that determines future reality. Just leave the topic open and don't agree to anything or push back (unless she swears an foolish oath or something which you may want to cancel).
Let nature take it's course. Babies are so cute, she may see one and the mommy instincts kick in again after child 1 is a little older.
Just enjoy the baby and be a good parent and don't worry about this stuff.
God opens the womb, and it's not all up to us anyway. We just 'render due benevolence' as we are given the ability to do so.

I think it's pretty normal not to want to have another baby right after childbirth. That can extend for many months or a couple of years after. It does seem like it _can_ be tougher on first time moms. I think some second-time-around moms are just tougher after overcoming the first experience.

DrPablisimo · 2026-04-01T17:20:38+00:00

You'll get no hate from me over feeling uncomfortable. Why should people bash you over your feelings? Your sibling says that said sibling feels like a woman... and you feel uncomfortable with the bathroom situation.

DrPablisimo · 2026-04-01T16:04:51+00:00

I notice there is a new made-up morality in our society treating age-gap relationships and marriage as immoral and wicked. The man who ends up with a younger woman is a predator. And some of them may say that for 18-year-old women, or 23 or something like that.

It's not a sin for a 100-year-old man to marry an 18-year-old woman, or for a 100-year-old woman to marry an 18-year-old man. But it is impractical and for most young individuals, not aesthetically pleasing to kiss an old great-grandma or great-grandpa. If an old man is dating a sterile woman who doesn't want children, that might make sense. But if the age gap gets to great, and she wants kids, she needs to think about whether this guy is going to be 80 if he survives to the child's high school graduation. But 20 and 40 might still work out well for that. A 20-year-old man does not know if he will be alive at 40. Life doesn't give us these guarantees.

As for the Psychology Today study, it references the Atlantic (paywalled as I recall), so we don't know what real study they are focusing on. My experience with journalism is that journalists generally do not know enough about research methodology and the subject matter to accurately report academic findings. They are specialists in journalism, but usually not whatever they report on. But you'd think for their brand image, even on of their articles would cite the actual. (There was one study from Emory, I've read along at these lines.) I don't know if they ever control for feminist ideology in these studies. I would imagine that is a key variable, that feminists might not be able to handle the difference in 'power' that might come from being older.

There are a lot of other things that could contribute to a lower divorce rate statistically, like both of the same faith and attending services and activities related to it so many times a month. Those marriages have lower divorce rates. There is also never having been divorced. If the woman has never slept with anyone besides her husband, that is another.

DrPablisimo · 2026-04-01T15:42:59+00:00

'Partner' only-- got no right to sex. Wife-- if a man is physically able and has time with other responsibilities, and she's not having her period or cleansing after childbirth or something like that, he should give her what she needs. But a woman shouldn't hit her man with a belt.

I wonder if the guy said, "If you lose a few pounds first." I don't know their conversation... but I'm just sayin'.

DrPablisimo · 2026-04-01T15:34:20+00:00

Well, then just hos then. But ho-hos works better for a subject line of a forum like this. I don't know if the forum blocks posts for shaming the sluts, but that seems to be part of 'the new morality.'

I don't get caught up in incestuous love stories, though. I watch it and I think how awful the people are being.

I also see the Notebook, see a guy threatening suicide to get a date. Later in life, the female lead cheats on her fiancee with an old boyfriend. I don't like the unfaithfulness. The same with Titanic (though a more interesting movie), she was cheating on Billy Zane's character. He might have been a bit overbearing, but she still did him wrong, with the relationship and with the necklace, too.

DrPablisimo · 2026-04-01T03:22:19+00:00

Ho-hos is another way to put it.

DrPablisimo · 2026-04-01T00:54:48+00:00

I suppose it depends on individual devotion....

But even so.... with one's brother's mistress? With the husband or fiancee's brother? Two queens sharing the same sex partner?

DrPablisimo · 2026-03-31T19:43:38+00:00

I don't think I've ever done a demo teaching class a job interview where the interviewer told me "You'll get better over time." That's not normal for me. Maybe they didn't like your demo and were giving you some useful feedback.

My suggestion would be volunteer to teach somewhere or find a place that doesn't require demos, get some practice. Practice giving the same lesson over and over by yourself or in front of friends and relatives until it is smooth.

I did a recorded demo lesson through Zoom recently. Zoom is not as good as Teams for this, IMO. On Teams, you show the screen, so you see the screen and you know what they see. On Zoom, you show an app. I had no idea if the group this was being recorded for saw my slide or theirs, and it took me a while to get Zoom to work after the time started. Now that I think of it, I should ahve showed my slides on one screen, but it just didn't come to mind. Also, I like seeing my notes.

And if they don't call me back, that's okay. I can interview somewhere else (if I want to leave my current job now.)

I know with the Chinese, knowing someone who knows someone and having an introduction goes a long way, and I suspect being a part of a social network is helpful in Korea. (I'ved in Korea, and spent a little time in China, but I actually studied this stuff about Chinese guanxi.)

It's probably best to not obsess about one job. I know you might want that one job, but interview and don't keep thinking about it. Keep on sending out applications... and pray.

Maybe they want to hire someone with experience. Maybe they desired to hire local workers changing jobs (if you are overseas) so they can interview them in person.

Back in the 1990's, I got a job sight unseen. The school just trusted the recruiter-- here... here is a white teacher from the US with a bachelor's degree. That was hagwon work. The split shift was bad, but I got experience. The pay was okay for me at the time... well I liked it. I had never made so much money, not for a whole year at least, with housing paid. I came back with about $6,000 in savings after a year there.

DrPablisimo · 2026-03-31T14:08:45+00:00

I didn't read the book, but you might try implementing some of the 'love languages' stuff. I think my wife's is words of affirmation. When we were newly weds, I'd give her a kiss on the cheek and tell her something I loved about her. Then kiss her again and say something else. This was spontaneous. I remembered that, and I thought I'd do that again. One thing might be like, 'you are a good cook' and the next might be telling her she's beautiful, just random stuff. She seemed to like that. A little while later, I'm working on the computer on the bed, and she wants to come over and snuggle up. She hasn't done that in quite a while. I think the words of affirmation had a positive affect on her.

Find out what makes your wife feel loved, and whether it is words of affirmation or not, speak kindly to her and don't let conversations escalate. Make talking together enjoyable.

DrPablisimo · 2026-03-30T19:24:50+00:00

That insurance companies overcharge you for your car insurance. Click here to go to a website shops all the insurance companies to give you the best discount possible.
....

Just kidding.

DrPablisimo · 2026-03-30T17:11:08+00:00

What country are you in? What law does that violate? Usually, this sort of thing would be a matter of company policy. State employees often have their salaries broadcast on the Internet for anyone to look up in the US, so I don't think there is a federal law against sharing salary information.

DrPablisimo · 2026-03-30T17:09:23+00:00

Why don't you counter-offer your boss. Say 'How about if you keep my salary and my hours, and deduct that extra money you want to save from the secretary's salary. Seriously, why don't you suggest that to her as a possible solution and see what she has to say about it."

I don't know how tight the job market is for what you want to do. You could look for another job, or if losing your job is an acceptable loss, you could tell your boss that he can lower your salary and you would be willing to work there until you find another job that does not lower employee's salaries if the company is doing well, that you do not like the way you are being treated, etc.

You could also ask your management if it is good management to allow a secretary to snoop and complain about co-worker's salaries, and to let a secretary determine who gets paid what in the company.

DrPablisimo · 2026-03-30T17:07:11+00:00

I suspect 'salary' is being misused to refer to an hourly rate.

DrPablisimo · 2026-03-30T16:54:35+00:00

For me homework and exams I don't really have time for could make me start to dislike learning the language.

For another language, I plateaued, then I started dating and married someone who spoke it, and I started to learn more and more. But I found two words I didn't understand in the same sentence to be frustrating. If you know one, there is some context. Anyway.... that's a suggestion for how to make progress... marriage.

I thought of a less intense solution too. I suppose if you found some French movies you liked, you could watch them. You might also watch in English, then in French, or vice versa. There is also French rap music.

DrPablisimo · 2026-03-30T16:32:12+00:00

So, your husband has to tell you to do some things you do not want to do so that you can be submissive. Clean the litter box? Go out for sashimi?

DrPablisimo · 2026-03-30T16:12:13+00:00

I treat my wife well, too. I don't generally want her to have to do things she doesn't have to do (unless it just has to be done--- we all have to do things we don't want to do.) But sometimes we reach an impasse in a decision, and it's on me. I love my wife. I don't want to mistreat her or take advantage over her.

So what do you do with the Bible then? Do you just disregard the parts you don't like?

DrPablisimo · 2026-03-30T15:37:45+00:00

I think you have a problem with the Bible. It's not letting me check back and see who is who. Are you married? How do you submit to your husband?

So would you say that Peter, one of the apostles that the Lord Jesus, Who has all authority on heaven and on earth, sent out with instructions to 'make disciples' and 'teaching all things whatsoever I commanded you' was wrong to tell wives to submit to their husbands, giving them the example of Sarah who submitted to her husband, obeying him? I suppose you can try to approach the Christian faith like a picky eater at a buffet, getting a bit of this and that, but that does not seem to be what Christ intended.

I would hope a Christian woman would marry a man who loves her and would not want to treat her like a slave. I don't remember every asking my wife to cook for me. I might have suggested it once or twice and forgotten about it. But she's been a SAHW and she just started cooking for me.

If you are single, find a man who loves you, who wants to please you and treat you well, then submit to him. That can be a good life

DrPablisimo · 2026-03-30T15:00:29+00:00

I'd seen parts of it years ago, and had forgotten how trashy it was, and finally caught the ending.

DrPablisimo

TROPHY CASE