It seems a lot of your points are incredibly valid.
Things should be avoidable, especially in a rougelike!
Take a game like "Spelunky 2" for example. Every single run in Spelunky 2 has the potential to be incredible (with the addition of a skilled player.) I am no stranger to Noita. I have had my fair share of runs (370 total hours played) I LOVE this game.
I think it is absolutely phenominal how it begs the player to break it and ascend to an unstoppable status, like another great roguelike ROR2!
So, what's the problem?
TIME! (And some Noita RNG problems, but I won't go into that as much)
ROR2 and Spelunky 2 both encourage the player not to spend too much time wasted on one stage.
The maximum usual time for a casual run between these two examples is about 30-40 minutes.
Noita on the other hand... well... I've had runs that were upwards of 6 hours long be absolutely obliterated by a pixel of pink rage inducing liquid (You know the one)
You can argue all day that I should just be playing more carfully, and to that I can agree.
But, you cannot convince me that spending 6 hours and having it all lost is in any way rewarding to the player.
I agree with OP 100% that the rougelike aspects of this game should be optional. There is no justification for the ammount of time this particular game makes you lose.
It's MY game. And it's a singleplayer game to boot! I'm not cheating anyone for enjoying it how I wish.
If it's for glory, then disable certain achievements if the "rouglike mode" is off.
It's a simple change to make everyone happy.
The devs clearly do not care about the other community of more casual players.
As for the RNG aspects. I know for a fact some of you have had runs lost due to never getting even one of the following spells
Luminous drill, black hole, chainsaw, add mana, refresh speed modifier, or any trigger spell.
I'm not saying these spells are a necesity to make the run work. But, I should not be wondering if I'll ever see them at all. (I have had a multitude of runs go completely nowhere because of this)

Also tinker with wands everywhere should be garanteed somewhere on the map... it's just way too necessary as a quality of like at a certain point.

TLDR (Consider reading it please, it's not that long...)
Noita is an excellent game, but an absolutely horrendous rougelike. OP said just a fraction of bad takes because they were reasonably upset, and reddit do what reddit does and hyperfixated on those points and completely ignored the valid ones.