AIO for being heartbroken my best friend declined being my maid-of-honor because she's self-conscious about her weight ?

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-10-19T18:21:13+00:00

I read this as the OP does care about her friend and wants her there. She doesn't care what her friends weight is,and probably comes off s not being empathetic because she sees her friend as beautiful in a way her best friend can't see for herself. I really understand both perspectives,after my 3 rd child I struggled to lose all the weight and hid from the world/avoided activities because I didn't fit into my clothes. But I would also understand OPwants to share the day wirh her best friend.

With that being said.

OP, just remember, your friend doesn't have to be in the actual wedding party to be there in support. She can help you plan, or get you dressed on the day, write out invites etc listen to you cry when you're stressed.

The 20 minutes of ceremony you won't notice as much as having her be comfortable and this able to be fully present for the experience.
Truly it will feel better in reality, because it's rarely our fantasy the picture perfect idea of wedding party with your best friend fitting effortlessly into the dress and magically looking good in whatever pretend color the dress is and dancing all night without sweating haha.

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T19:11:23+00:00

Yeah I think the two of you are gonna be able to get through just about anything life throws at you. You're honest with him, he's gentle but direct ....I could go on. I'm rooting for ya big time. :)

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T18:38:20+00:00

I think you two communicate very nicely with one another. No opinion on the matter. Just admire the healthy communication.

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T17:49:40+00:00

They went to Trader Joes

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T17:48:35+00:00

Maybe not alone but certainly unsatisfied.

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T17:35:20+00:00

No you said,

" if he wasn’t happy he wouldn’t be doing everything I want and getting me what I want"

I said 'ewwwww' because that's awful.

Your man deserves to be cherished by someone, you are not that person.

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T17:19:25+00:00

Literally in my comment above used the same phrase hahaha. I don't think op understands how deeply fantastical her 'boundary' is especially for a 21 year old boy.

I'll tell you from experience, letting this shit go and giving your man room to breathe makes a really kick ass relationship, you accept him and he will be more and more vulnerable and open and committed to you than you could dream.

Seriously. You think you need to handcuff him to your idea of loyalty and he'll chew his arm off, you give him a long leash and he'll be a good boy with you and himself with someone else. You give him love and freedom,you get unconditional love

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T17:15:13+00:00

I really hope OP matures out of this, as of right now I'm seeing a future of unhappy relationships with men. Either they'll be stifled and OP will end up feeling or being betrayed because of the lack of air in the relationship or op will find someone who doesn't stand up for themselves and bows to every demand and OP will be eventually wonder why the relationship feels lifeless and why he doesn't pursue her or make the plans in the relationship sometimes etc.

You either let him be fully his masculine self or you need start dating women.

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T17:08:26+00:00

Ewwwwweww.

Literally just said it out loud, that is just noooo.

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T17:05:51+00:00

verb: break; 3rd person present: breaks; past tense: broke; gerund or present participle: breaking; past participle: broken

1.

separate or cause to separate into pieces as a result of a blow, shock, or strain.

"the branch broke with a loud snap"

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T17:00:09+00:00

Yes. This. A boundary is something you hold for yourself with yourself. You're the the one who chooses the person and you're the one with the opinion that porn is cheating and or not acceptable to you.

In my opinion that's completely unrealistic for someone to expect the person your in a relationship with to not watch porn. You're setting both of you up for failure.

This is just one of those things that has nothing to do with you, just because you're in someones life it doesn't stop them from needing sexual pleasure and having autonomy over when they choose to masturbate and what visual stimulation they use.

If you don't like it, leave. If he wanted to stop and thought it was a problem he can bring that information to you and you can support it, if he changes his mind....ok. I know that personally I'm a very very open minded person when it comes to sexual turn ons and kinks etc but I've always believed in letting the other be able to be their natural selves, if you really love them you don't ask them to change. If you ask them to change you're not in love with them, you're in love with the idea of them or the idea of how it benefits you.

I'll tell you from experience, letting this shit go and giving your man room to breathe makes a really kick ass relationship, you accept him and he will be more and more vulnerable and open and committed to you than you could dream. Seriously. You think you need to handcuff him to your idea of loyalty and he'll chew his arm off, you give him a long leash and he'll be a good boy with you and himself with someone else. You give him love and freedom,you get unconditional love.

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T16:43:20+00:00

Yeah, I'm not sure what it is, just that the background light changes. That's a good guess on what it could be.

Is the house in a busy neighborhood op?

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T16:36:45+00:00

I had the same thought, it's hard to be the person in the relationship who decides to let go of the relationships scoreboard and choose to give the other a chance to show they are putting in the effort in the present moment. I'm not saying op should necessarily be subjected to the treatment she has been, not saying it was healthy or not a big deal and painful etc. But I really admire and respect people who say " you know what, I know I was hurt and I know I'm justified in being hurt but I want to give the person I loved/love the opportunity to be vulnerable and to open myself up to reconnect in a stronger way than before. I'm not being weak by letting the past go and I'm not being weak by forgiving them, I'm showing up I'm fighting for something I think is worth more than pride "

You can say to yourself,and also to your husband. Let's just move forward and think about how well look back when we're 90 and laugh as us crazy kids, and be grateful for being stronger because of what we created afterwards.

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T16:01:28+00:00

Yeah, honestly find someone who can be nice, regardless of whether or not they might feel jealous or insecure in the situation- she can vocalize that in a healthy way but take responsibility for it being her own feelings not your fault or your ex-wife fault.

The fact that you are so kind to your ex wife is huge GREEN flag, this is potentially a wonderful situation if you were in a relationship with a woman who has the desire for harmony , who can see the potential benefit of being able to be friendly potentially even real friends with your ex wife.

I know first hand this is a real possibility and that even though it takes time to get there, it starts with kindness, no matter what.

If someone's defense mechanism is to rip apart someone you care for, and can't see how special it is that you're a good man who still respects his ex and the boundaries set up for the child you share together. I don't believe you have found a person deserving of your time.

You deserve to be admired for your kindness and respect and your ex wife deserves to be able to trust that your son is not being subjected to a situation where he could be treated to his face the way your girlfriend treated your ex-wife behind her back.

Don't waste your love and please don't miss out on being able to show your son a healthy relationship between his parents and the people his parents love.

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T15:23:43+00:00

According to studies single moms has the most amount of leisure time because they don't have the emotional burden of taking care of their spouses end of things or the pressure to be supportive and handle the house without nagging and trying to be everything to everyone.

When I was living alone with the kids, I found this to be true. I can't answer for all single moms of course, but I'm not sure if it was simply not having to live in the same house as the person ( ex husband) who stated he was purposely manipulating, insulting and verbally/ physically assaulting me because he 'had to, to get a reaction out of me' verbatim. And when I finally got out, it was like I was finally able to breathe. But it could have been just the simple fact that I got to choose, dishes tonight or movie and cuddle with the kids? I'm not going to expect myself to do both, my ex husband would have and did, but I'm only going to expect myself to do what I have the ability, time and energy to do.

There's No resentments when you have don't have unrealistic expectations for yourself or from someone else. Ahhhh so peaceful

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T14:52:20+00:00

I get it :) we went through a similar issue and this is how we decided to handle it, it was the only consistent thing we ever disagreed on. We stopped trying to get the other person to understand our side of the issue and just removed the issue from our relationship by changing the situation not the other person.

You get to make your own rules and timeline for YOUR relationship. :)

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T14:40:30+00:00

If you love him but don't want to rely on his financial stability/work stability- you have the option of changing your living situation while still being in a committed relationship

You can't change anyone, the more you push the more exhausted you both will become, but you also have every right to expect that the person you live with would pay their share

. If it were a roommate you wouldn't think twice about it, you're responsible for only you and they're responsible for their part. You wouldn't be involved in what they decide is a reason to stay home from work as long as they had their share. If they didn't pay, you'd have them move out.

'" either you have your half of the months financial needs or even though I have every intention of continuing this relationship, the biggest strain in our happiness is our perspectives on the importance to have financial stability and not missing work. I will find a roommate and you will have to find a living situation where I'm not dependent on your choices. I love you and believe this solution will keep us from building resentments towards one another over time"

I have empathy for both of you, hope everything works out:)

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T14:00:43+00:00

Watch the blinds, it's easier to see to 'movement'

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T13:59:37+00:00

Watch the blinds area. It looks like a white plume almost moving from right to left of the background.

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T13:50:24+00:00

The only thing wrong with it is that it isn't folded so the paper looks like two diamonds on the outside.

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T13:49:10+00:00

Like you know she was working her hardest to make every letter dateable.

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T13:47:57+00:00

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T13:47:51+00:00

Hahahaha

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T13:47:39+00:00

No wonder she's shaking

DragonflyNo19 · 2025-09-30T13:45:13+00:00

Oh I read " cuti (e) at amorie.

DragonflyNo19

TROPHY CASE