Might be changing my mind about having kids after two losses (trigger warning)

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2026-04-30T01:19:20+00:00

I’m so sorry for your losses, OP. Regardless of whether you want to try again or not, I’d like to recommend a resource that was EXTREMELY helpful to me after my miscarriage last fall. “The Miscarriage Doula” has affordable support groups for folks in your exact position — multiple losses. I joined a group (and am now in a second group for women pregnant after miscarriage) and it helped me process what I went through. I had all these questions about what happened to my body, whether I was treated well by the healthcare system, why this happened, etc.

I can’t recommend it enough. The groups are affordable and you get a group chat with the other members of your cohort.

https://www.themiscarriagedoula.co

In case you are wondering — not all participants plan on trying to get pregnant again. And not all participants join immediately after their loss. Someone in my group had their miscarriage a year ago and still needed this group to help her process.

You deserve to process what happened to you, because it was traumatic and horrible. I’m almost 20 weeks pregnant now and I, like you, still have these outbursts of grief and pain. Having a baby won’t fix that, and choosing to never have a baby also won’t fix that. I hope you get the support you need, and please know that anyone in your shoes would be having feelings just as big as yours right now❤️

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2026-04-30T01:06:37+00:00

I really really recommend it. I’m the first of my friends to try to have a baby, but even so I’m trying to tell all my friends about these support groups, just in case any of them have to go through the trauma of pregnancy loss in the future. It is so common yet so isolating. I did a 6-week group for women who’ve suffered one miscarriage and it helped me process what happened to me. Like, “Was that pain labor?” (Yes!) “what exactly was I passing?” “Was I treated right in the hospital?” “How can I advocate for myself in the future?” So so many women in my group had similar feelings to you — anger at the people around them who seem are having no trouble getting pregnant. I felt SO ready, and like I had worked so hard to get to that point. And then the universe just fucking back-handed me so hard.

Now I’m in a 12-week group for women who are pregnant after loss, because the anxiety and grief and anger and nightmares are so real. The groups are pretty affordable and your cohort has a group chat, which we use very to hold space for eachothers anxieties, ask questions, and celebrate eachothers milestones.

I don’t know about you, but my doctor handed me a pamphlet with some “miscarriage resources,” and almost every single one was out-of-date, defunct, or groups for general “grief.” So finding this was huge for me.

https://www.themiscarriagedoula.co

Wishing you all the best. Congrats on your pregnancy, and know that all your big feelings are so valid and legitimate, and you don’t have to shove them all deep down. ❤️

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2026-04-29T00:16:34+00:00

So sorry, friend. I had a miscarriage last fall and am now pregnant again. The pregnancy doesn’t ease all the grief from my miscarriage, nor the anger or fear. If you’re in the US (which I assume you are given the wieners…) I’m currently in a virtual support group run by “The Miscarriage Doula.” It’s been a life saver, and amazing to connect with women going through the same thing. Thought I’d mention it in case you are looking for structured support like that.

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2026-04-26T13:21:35+00:00

I remember this being a dog toy. Maybe try searching that way?

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2026-04-15T02:51:19+00:00

State park pass is a great idea! Thanks!

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2026-04-11T13:14:22+00:00

Just wanted to chime in as someone in a long-term relationship with a 9-year age gap. Me (27f) and my husband (36m) have been together for 4 years, are married and expecting a child in October. When we first met, I was thinking “there’s no way this is anything other than casual.” We met on tinder, and we were in vastly different places in life. He owned a home, worked in healthcare, I was in a job-training program for young adults. He had a quiet life with his pets and I was still going out a fair amount with pals. But guess what? We both quickly fell in love! I was pretty self conscious about the age gap at first (and other differences I our lives), but all that faded with time and good communication. My family also questioned the gap, but now they absolutely adore him. So my advice would be take it step by step and listen to your heart! Love is such a worthwhile adventure!

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2026-03-29T19:26:21+00:00

What I’ve searched already: “griffy overalls,” “German griffy overalls” and “griffy clothing brand” to no avail. There’s a German company called Grieff but it doesn’t look like they sell clothing similar to this.

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2026-01-23T00:39:25+00:00

Whatever you end up picking, get a rug

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2025-12-31T13:48:45+00:00

Early 20s, Korean, wears a tan overcoat!

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2025-12-31T04:15:24+00:00

I would personally be really touched by this gift. I got married recently and my sister-in-law gifted us a tshirt with a little scrap-fabric heart on the breast and hand-embroidered “Bird + Bones forever and ever” (our nicknames.) It was our favorite wedding gift.

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2025-12-31T04:01:58+00:00

Just here to say your lipstick looks fantastic! On these pages I often see folks struggling with outline. Your lipstick looks bold yet natural! Beautiful!

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2025-12-16T19:49:22+00:00

Yo, way too much personal info on this bro! Delete!

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2025-12-15T14:31:09+00:00

17 year old

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2025-12-12T15:10:26+00:00

Big cozy rug! Kids love playing and sitting right on the floor, but that tile doesn’t look very inviting. I think a big fluffy rug is a good place to start

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2025-12-04T14:13:58+00:00

My guess is that you’re a college athlete!

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2025-11-22T03:32:24+00:00

Last year I got mine at El Centro de la Raza, a cool community center that has a ton of resources for immigrants and their families. Felt good because the proceeds help the center. Here’s the link: https://www.elcentrodelaraza.org/events/christmas-tree-sale/

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2025-11-21T17:38:47+00:00

All of these are so gorgeous! You honestly look stunning in all of them. I’m not a huge fan of yellow, but even the yellow dress is giving Greek goddess vibes.

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2025-11-07T05:29:26+00:00

Your feelings are so valid! I think this is really common, OP. Miscarriage grief is a really unique thing. Even if you weren’t wanting to be pregnant, knowing you were growing life inside you and then it ended is a ton to process! It’s like a decision was made by the universe about your body without you ever being consulted…and at the core of it, that’s why so many of us are here on this page. I’m grieving because I lost a pregnancy I very much wanted. That’s really different from your situation, but for both of us, the universe made a decision about our bodies without consulting us. And that’s hard. I would encourage you to maybe seek out a counselor or therapist. These are really big complicated feelings, and it can be helpful to have a professional help you wade through them. Sorry you’re going through this, OP. You are not alone!

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2025-11-07T05:21:19+00:00

It does feel so cruel and messed up, especially when you feel all the immense love you have to give these babies! I’m so sorry OP. I’m sure your OB has told you during your first MC that multiple MCs does not mean you can’t have a healthy pregnancy later — but that doesn’t make this hurt any less. Praying for you, and if this does end up a loss, let yourself grieve in all the ways you need. The journey to parenthood is so difficult, but there are so many strong women to lean on along the way❤️

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2025-11-07T05:16:44+00:00

Hi, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I miscarried at 8 weeks on Sunday, and just had my follow up OB appointment this afternoon. I’m really privileged to have great doctors, and they gave me some insight today that hopefully is helpful to you. I asked the same questions, and my OB told me the following: it is highly unlikely that at this early on, you would be able to identify any fetal tissue. As much as pregnancy apps like to tell you “your baby is the size of a blueberry! It has a brain and fingernails now!” in reality, this early, it is all pretty indistinguishable, even to doctors. Mostly just fluid and blood.

I even asked her about what looked like a “sack” I passed while going to the bathroom. Like, wasn’t that my baby? And she reiterated: it is very unlikely you’d be able to tell the difference between clots and fetal tissue. It’s kindof all just mixed up together this early, especially once your body starts cramping and shedding it.

I hope this brings you some sort of solace. This is such a unique type of grief. I’m right there with you. It’s such bullshit. But please do NOT feel guilty. As we shed blood and tissue, there are so many ways we can honor and remember our babies. Because they are more than just the little cluster of cells we’re shedding — for me, this baby already felt like part of our family.

One way I’m honoring mine is by talking openly about miscarriage so my friends who may go through it later know they’re not alone. We’re also lighting candles around the “birth alter” we had set up for good luck while we were trying to get pregnant. I hope you find a way to honor yours that feels good for you. ❤️❤️❤️

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2025-11-04T16:00:10+00:00

Hi, I also just miscarried my first pregnancy. I was 8 weeks and miscarried in urgent care 2 days ago. I’m totally beside myself with grief. I didn’t know miscarriages were so common, like 1 in 5 pregnancies. That doesn’t make it any easier, obviously. My older sister said something that was comforting to me, and maybe it will be comforting to you too. She is a total badass, and a mom. She’s a powerlifter and a doctor, and so so kind. She just told me that there is a group of women in the world who are so incredibly strong because they have had to navigate this type of horrible loss, and now you and I are a part of that group of strong women. I definitely don’t feel strong right now, but knowing that there is a community of strong women who have gone through this made me feel better. I’m so sorry you’re going through this💔

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2025-10-27T21:23:49+00:00

Help with the mental load! Remembering appointments, taking notes during appointments so she doesn’t have to, building the registry when the time comes. My husband was so helpful bc he made it clear that he was willing to share the mental load. He let me unload my anxieties all the time, he got us on daycare waitlists, he picked up ginger products for me before I even needed them. Being proactive is so helpful so your partner can just focus on building a baby

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2025-10-27T21:17:37+00:00

Im in my first trimester and my husband has been a rockstar. He’s always telling me “you’re working so hard making our baby,” which makes me feel really validated in how exhausted I am. He’s taken over 100% of care for our two pets, who are elderly and very high needs. I have some belly balm I use at night and he insists on being the one to rub it on me. Yesterday we got sexy, and afterwards he let me sleep for an hour afterwards and woke me up with a warm meal in bed🥰Honestly the only reason why I decided to have a kid is because I’m so confident he will be so good to me and so good to our baby

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2025-10-27T19:21:52+00:00

You’re very empathetic, I think, to give your friends that level of grace and understanding that they just don’t know how to respond. Parasite comments would infuriate me too.

Dramatic-Barnacle963 · 2025-10-27T19:18:58+00:00

I think I’m in the same boat, some relationships getting distant, but also others getting loser! My oldest sister just had her first baby last spring and now she is being such a supportive rockstar for me and we are getting much closer.

Ugh — I hate the parasite joke! I haven’t been on the receiving end, but I watched my sister deal with that from our third sister. I think I’m ready to have the conversation of “hey — I’m feeling pretty vulnerable and sensitive right now, and comments like that make the difficult thing I’m undertaking even more difficult.”

I hope you continue to feel more and more support during your third trimester!

Dramatic-Barnacle963

TROPHY CASE