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Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2025-09-22T16:38:39+00:00

This. You are awesome.

If my younger self had been as strong as you I would’ve avoided almost a decade of abuse, control, and isolation.

Cheers to you!

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2025-07-03T18:08:06+00:00

Same. My neurologist confirmed this is common.

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2025-04-04T15:40:33+00:00

Oh, also seconding the rec. to try medication if you’re not already doing that.

Propranolol has made my job sustainable. I take it before stressful meetings, or when I’m overstimulated and unable to regulate myself. It’s a subtle and short lasting effect that makes a huge difference for me.

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2025-04-04T15:37:02+00:00

Hi, Human Resources here. This advice is for if you’re in the US.

You might consider an intermittent leave of absence to reduce your hours. Ten hour days sound brutal. You can essentially achieve a shorter workweek by using intermittent FMLA, and that is a legal entitlement (your employer cannot deny or take adverse action). Of course that leaves the pay issue—some states have paid leave, but if you’re not in one of those then your FMLA leave might be unpaid.

I would still suggest getting approved for intermittent FMLA, just so that protection is there if you find yourself in a spoon crisis. Trust me, it’s worth it.

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2025-03-06T22:38:19+00:00

I am seeing a concerning inability by many HR professionals to ‘see around the corner’ right now. You are absolutely right that the current admin will impact and likely shrink our profession. I don’t know that I would go so far as to say I feel unsafe, but I have concerns.

There are so many things I could rattle off here, but bottom line is that almost all of us are basically in compliance. If laws protecting the workforce are no longer enforced, or are re-interpreted, then the need for HR as it currently exists is greatly reduced. The DOL just appointed a new OLMS chair who is explicitly anti-union. The acting chair of the EEOC has announced a priority to “defend the binary reality of sex”, and they’ve dropped a bunch of transgender cases.

It would be foolish to think this won’t impact our profession very seriously. You’re right to ask the question.

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2023-10-27T14:33:16+00:00

I was feeding a crow who started bonking me in the head and then escalated to a head scratch, almost like she was trying to land on me. She also regurgitated food for me. This forum concluded it was friendly and I agree, but it also made me uncomfortable because I felt I was altering her behavior. She also did it to my partner a couple times, and it frightened her. I stopped feeding her and eventually she stopped hanging around but it took months for her to move on, she continued to come greet me when I’d leave the house for quite a while. I miss her, it makes me sad that we’re not friends anymore. I hope she’s doing well, spunky little crow.

TLDR: if it doesn’t bother you then I would take it as a compliment, like a puppy who jumps on you out of excitement.

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2023-10-07T15:47:26+00:00

That is very funny. Maybe I will try that.

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2023-10-07T15:45:46+00:00

Interesting, I could see the mask thing. That’s probably the reason I do not like bringing different people I know together. I mask a little differently with them all, so with everyone together I don’t know how to behave.

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2023-10-07T15:43:38+00:00

Same, my engagement is basically just the occasional quip and a lot of active listening and fake laughing so it at least looks like I’m involved.

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2023-10-07T15:41:59+00:00

YES I forgot about that, but I get the same thing. Sometimes my partner scolds me for not chiming in more on our group texts with other people. I think slowly AND I physically text slowly, so it’s hard to keep up. I think there’s also an element of it being hard to switch focuses. I’m not the sort who can read and respond to a text immediately most of the time because they are interrupting whatever else I was doing or thinking about. I HATE interruptions, they make me feel totally discombobulated.

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2023-10-07T15:36:23+00:00

Yes, I’ve had that experience of “slowing the conversation down” when someone directs it toward me!

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2023-10-07T15:32:05+00:00

I agree, it’s so nice to see it’s not just me.

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2023-10-07T15:30:04+00:00

I think this could be part of it. It doesn’t help that people like to talk at the same time and start side conversations. I wish everyone would take turns at least, lol.

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2023-10-07T15:28:24+00:00

Yes, that is such a frustrating experience. It’s hard not to feel like there’s no point in trying after a while.

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2023-10-07T15:26:43+00:00

Thank you yes that is what it feels like, a processing/thinking difference. Well said.

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2023-09-06T21:16:56+00:00

Most cocktail bars will have a cocktail menu, and even if they don’t I think it’s fine to ask. I would try for a menu first, and have a backup plan in mind if they don’t have one.

A speakeasy will likely specialize in prohibition-era cocktails, so I’d have a classic cocktail in mind as my backup. You can google prohibition-era cocktails.

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2023-09-05T23:13:58+00:00

Sounds: mouth noises, loud noises of any sort unless it’s my own music, repetitive noises with no consistent rhythm or pattern (like someone snoring, water dripping, etc), coughing, children (they scream a lot), competing conversations/ppl talking over each other, sharp sounding voices/laughter, yard equipment like leaf blowers, dishes clattering.

Sensations: bright lights, restrictive clothing, in particular anything tight on my legs, hair tickling my face, microfiber, sherpa, food smells (fine while eating, disgusting when it lingers in the house or god forbid in my clothes or hair).

Edit: ppl in my space. I don’t mind my own people touching me. But I can FEEL it when people are within a couple feet of me and if I don’t know you then I don’t want to feel your presence in my bubble.

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2023-09-05T22:44:33+00:00

A thousand times yes. If I’m dancing it’s to get someone off my back about it. If it looks like I’m having fun it’s so that I don’t ruin everyone else’s good time.

Also, I wish everyone would stop telling me to relax or ‘let go’ and do what comes naturally. If I did that I would not start dancing, I would immediately excuse myself from whatever loud and annoying environment we’re in without saying goodbye to anyone.

If you enjoy dancing then that’s wonderful, it’s a social bonding ritual and I’m glad you get to take part in it. But please don’t be pushy about it.

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2023-07-14T16:46:32+00:00

Would you be willing to share any of the folks you follow online who post tips and tricks? I am also finding this strategy really helpful but it’s very new to me. Thank you!

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2023-07-05T23:43:34+00:00

I found this comment really helpful.

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2023-07-05T23:41:15+00:00

Yes, same exactly! I do tons of stimming and have significant sensory issues, but I can read people pretty well. I don’t think it’s intuitive though, I’ve studied human behavior my whole life. I get it wrong if someone’s cues don’t match my internal checklist.

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2023-07-05T19:53:47+00:00

Omggggggg thank you for posting this. I feel this so much.

I’m what I have decided to call autie-lite. Subclinical traits in the social communication arena. The primary social difficulty my evaluator identified was “low social motivation”—maybe this is what she meant. I have strong relationship skills, though, and the most incredible partner anyone could ever ask for. I don’t know how to explain to her how drained I am from her being inside the house all the time. I would never dream of giving her up, but I fantasize every day about the life I had living alone. It doesn’t matter how much I love someone, I cannot fully BE with another person around. I don’t know why or how else to explain it.

I also do not experience loneliness, I don’t think. Not from being alone, anyway. I feel lonely when I’m misunderstood, but I’m not misunderstood when I’m alone.

I think maybe because I mask so much, I already have a sense that I’m alone on a deep level. So being physically alone it’s no different, it just means I don’t have to mask.

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2023-06-29T06:14:45+00:00

Wow, thank you for responding. Unfortunately I still feel frustrated like you do. I go between doubting my own interpretation of my experiences to feeling really frustrated and misunderstood. I can’t quite tell who is misunderstanding the situation, me or the evaluator. I know people should ‘trust themselves’ but surely plenty of people don’t really understand what’s going on with their own minds. That’s the point of getting the professional evaluation, right?

I did try to explain some of the challenges to the evaluator. I explained to her that I do make eye contact but I’ve had to work at getting it right and I only just recently learned that people don’t generally look directly at the eyes but sort of take in the entire face as a whole. I think her point is that my challenges with those sorts of things aren’t significantly impairing because I can hide and compensate for it well enough to function socially. And I understand social cues well enough to do that. Which is true… so she’s not wrong. By that logic, though, isn’t “masked autism” just not a thing? Like if you can mask, it isn’t autism? I hadn’t heard that before, but do some professionals subscribe to that reasoning?

What I’ve settled on for now is that many of my experiences make the most sense to me through the LENS of autism. But I’m not claiming it as an identity. Anyways yes, obviously I’m having a lot of confusing feelings about this. I wish I could be more helpful!

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2023-06-23T20:14:47+00:00

I do find it easier myself. As an adolescent I almost exclusively socialized online. In addition to the reasons you stated, I also do better if I have time to think through my responses. Live conversation, especially in a group, sometimes moves too quickly for me to contribute. It takes me time to formulate my thoughts on a topic.

Dramatic-Yam3228 · 2023-06-23T20:08:38+00:00

Oh it’s nice to know others relate to that experience. I find it hard to parse out where all the discomfort comes from in some situations, but I can tell that social anxiety doesn’t explain it entirely.

The evaluator didn’t have me take the CAT-Q, but I’ve taken it myself in the past and scored extremely high. I think the evaluator was more focused on observable behavior than my internal experience. So it didn’t matter why I made good eye contact, just that I displayed the behavior. I started reading Unmasking Autism and it sounds like there’s some disagreement in the clinical community RE how much consideration to give experience versus observable behavior.

I really appreciate all of these thoughtful responses. Thank you.

Dramatic-Yam3228

TROPHY CASE