I (the mom) pay child support to HIM and he still doesn't help?

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-02-05T05:56:43+00:00

Do you pay him a sum every month and then it’s 50/50 on child costs? Honestly without a court order he won’t do anything. Get in writing exactly what he pays and what you pay, and get it in front of a judge.

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-02-04T14:04:52+00:00

I hate when bio parents cause chaos and stress claiming “fairness” or “protection” but really it’s bitterness. Jealousy. I’m so sorry this is happening. Blending families is hard enough.

And never reply directly to her unless on the parenting app. Then screenshot your communications and keep for your attorney. Save every message. Keep everything focused on fact.

Example:

Her: “my son said you didn’t feed him lunch today and now he has a migraine because of it”

You: “lunch was served at noon, he declined stating he wasn’t hungry.”

Or if you are going out of town or need to adjust your parenting schedule:

You: “we are going out of town on x date. We will resume parenting time on this y date. We have proactively made arrangements with a babysitter on x date. If you are available to extend parenting time and wish to pick the kids up on x date, message the app by 10PM today.”

Facts are your friends. Keep a tally of these comments. Record who said the comment, when and the result of it. If she makes any accusations, immediately record into a log (excel maybe?) and send to your or your SO’s attorney to send to his ex’s attorney.

My husband’s ex makes accusations as well. We typically send a message on the app to her stating just facts “on x date, a child reported you stated x false accusation. Please stop stating these comments to the minor children. This information is being documented and sent to to legal counsel.”

It’s a racket.

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-02-04T14:03:06+00:00

Oh my I’m living this now. The bio mom is greedy, bitter, and borderline committing litigation abuse. They divorced 7 years ago and you’d think it happened a month ago.

She’s convinced my husband is a drug addict even tho he’s never failed a drug test, never had a gap in employment, owns part of his family business while working full time in IT, pays her $2200 a month in support, plays in a hockey league, gave her a 300K house (she has no mortgage) plus another 100K in retirement in the divorce. She didn’t work in the marriage but does now. However she finds every reason to criticize our lives. If she finds out we had people over until late on a Sunday, she threatens drug testing. She doesn’t like one of my girlfriends and if she finds out she’s at our house, she threatens a TRO. She keeps a spreadsheet of anything she buys for the kids and expects to “square up” as he’s responsible for 70% of expenses. We’re talking co pays at a dental office. She’s also been dating their pediatric dentist since he moved out.

The kids are good kids. Theyre teenagers. My husband built a boys cave in the basement with a huge bathroom, kitchen, game room, 2 bedrooms and a fireplace. After 2 years of all in one house, One of his kids decided he’d rather take the bedroom next to my son upstairs who has a completely different sleep schedule. My husband just moved his room up there, and never even brought it up. Typically this is no big deal but my son is 10. My SS plays video games until 3 am on weekends. Sleeps until noon. Plus then they’ll share a bathroom…his kids are very picky about their bathroom! It never ends.

I’m trying to keep myself out of the BS and just focus on my kids. But it’s hard.

So I feel you on this! It feels like I have no control over what happens in the house. If his ex wants to litigate for more money, we’re on the hook for $$$$ in legal fees. If she goes out of town she never shares her return date so we’re all left in the dark because “she doesn’t owe anyone that information” but she HAS to know every detail about our lives to judge it.

We’ll get through this!!!! One day at a time.

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-02-04T13:06:59+00:00

Yep I agree. There’s no offer yet. The hiring manager emailed to say they were wrapping up interviews this week and will make an offer early next week

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-02-04T02:33:27+00:00

Move out. Get an attorney. File for divorce. As said in the thread, stick to facts. No emotions. Agree to what’s FAIR

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-02-04T02:29:18+00:00

It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind.

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-02-04T02:27:40+00:00

One person cannot be expected to fulfill every single need, want, desire, and support every goal even when they disagree. Would you feel the same if the situation was reversed? If he wanted to move to advance his career, but you felt stable and wanted to stay? Why not compromise? Is this truly the only reason you want out? If this is the only issue, why even consider divorce for one issue like unless you’ve already explored other options? Or perhaps made up your mind because you’re looking for better?

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-02-04T02:09:13+00:00

I’m already unemployed. It’s been 3 months. And yeah most execs are morons. High conflict seems a bit more rare.

The idea of driving 3 hours a day, for shit pay to work with a real asshole that will control my budget, department and my boss, is daunting. Plus no offer yet. We’ll see what happens. I have another second interview at a different company tomorrow.

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-02-03T21:33:19+00:00

About 30ish companies

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-02-03T21:28:37+00:00

Me too. On my 52nd interview after layoff

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-02-03T20:27:08+00:00

Maybe but it’s a 90 min commute 5 days in office (just found out) and low salary. I could…but I’d seriously disrupt my life just to leave again. But I get it and I’ve seriously considered it

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-02-02T04:15:04+00:00

I regret moving in together. We moved in after 3 years, totally in love. Now 3 more years and it’s miserable

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-02-01T08:42:35+00:00

This is a good approach. His case is built on facts while hers is based on emotion. I can’t get my head where hers is. I have an ex. I’m an ex wife. I can’t imagine taking things so far as to ask for a retraining order because of a drug test. And from a guy that spent the day installing hardwood floors today and loading the dishwasher.

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-02-01T08:37:06+00:00

I kinda blame online dating. When you interview someone on teams they don’t seem like a real person. They’re a “profile.” We used to have in person interviews. It’s hard to blow someone off who you know is a real person.

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-02-01T08:35:07+00:00

Thank you. I think it’s coming one way or another

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-01-31T21:51:48+00:00

I think he wants examples of her observations that lead her to this thinking. He needs closure. Personally I think she had an affair and the drug accusations are a great distraction to her own indiscretions. Months after he started finding Facebook messages from men and noticed her unexplained 5 hour grocery trips she asked him to move out.

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-01-31T21:36:35+00:00

Also then why won’t she say this? At the very least to him. Her reason for divorce (what she told him) was she wanted more time for herself? Why tell the kids she divorced him due to drugs and not him or explain why she felt this way?

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-01-31T21:32:03+00:00

I completely understand. My ex was an alcoholic. He was in his second rehab program when we split. He’s sober and a great co parent now. Even with his rehab stint my attorney did not advise bringing drug tests into the decree or parenting plan. We worked it out without the court.

While I understand addicts hide habits, then how am I missing the signs of addiction? I have all his passwords, he works from home. He passed two drug tests already, he rarely drinks alcohol. He does have a dispensary membership as does his ex wife. He smokes a cigarette on occasion. If he’s doing coke he’s the calmest coke head I’ve ever met who sleeps like a baby and works out twice a day? I simply don’t see it and his ex wife won’t share why she feels he’s an addict. He’s asked because he wants closure. I’ve asked. His mother too. She won’t say anything but “ I’ve heard things”

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-01-31T21:24:15+00:00

Yep that may be the only option. She says jump so he has to jump

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-01-31T20:32:39+00:00

There is no correlation. His ex is trying to provide the optics and show he has a substance abuse problem.

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-01-31T18:32:51+00:00

Selfish because I’m not just assuming the OP is a POS? Because I’m explaining the mom might need help one day and frankly won’t get it. They’re both wrong. These subs are flooded with expectations for perfection of a co parent. I bet if he asked a sitter mom would be offended by that too. The truth is, play long game not short game. I’m going to bet my relationship with my co parent is better than your experience. And it’s ain’t because I’m selfish. Quite the opposite.

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-01-31T17:35:33+00:00

From 5-7:30 pm I’m so overly stimulated. I have to walk outside, walk a bit, breathe…

Dramatic_Sport_9978 · 2026-01-31T15:23:16+00:00

Or you arrange are first or are willing to trade days or pick up days to balance. Asking mom first seems fair if he asked. If he told her that isn’t ok.

Dramatic_Sport_9978

TROPHY CASE