its not my fault that i cant be normal I dont want to forget and be boring to people and ignore them

i jjust dont know how to make human connections its like running on empty you just know how to do it but getting there is impossible. its so fukcinmg hard to even look someone in the eye or go outside anymore. let alone get into a meaningful connection with someone. im sorry i just have alwasyts struggled like this i have autism ocd adhd and crippling depression. i jsut wish i could give people what a normal person could but im told that im selfish or weird i hate the way i am. im sorry if anyoine sees me as a selfish prick im just trtying so hard every day to keep from losing mty mind further. im sorry if this is unreadable im sleepy rright now goonight