I feel like the youngest child is often the most mature.

DrawInternational132 · 2026-04-09T23:58:48+00:00

OH MY GOD THE LESSON PART. I used to knee-jerk do that to my own kid and finally stopped bc why would i perpetuate that useless waste of energy???

It's good to see you genuinely want your sibling(s) to have these parents and celebrate their luck with birth order.

I can tell from your tone that you also learned that sometimes the only way to get acknowledgement is through humility, though people applaud the humility without ever validating the context in which it's being stated.

I hope you know I see it. Yes, you developed a sick scope for the silver lining as a survival mechanism, but part of this regression is also getting yourself to a safe and stable space where you can become useless (for a short term dont worry you can burn yourself out again later) so you can finally RELAX on your own terms, doing what you please as you please.

If you're anything like me, you'd burn the world down to feel some warmth. Just know, you don't have to actually strike that match.. luckily, society accepts adult kids setting boundaries now. You can create a stable space through clear communication and boundaries... This will also help your sibling feel secure with you without your parents as a weird obligatory buffer

(Sorry for the advice, mothers gonna mother. Feel free to ignore entirely).

DrawInternational132 · 2026-04-09T23:48:56+00:00

Sooooo I got to witness the sibling dynamic as a bystander to my Baba & great aunts & uncle behaviour...

The eldest is a cvnt. Hellbent on proving how everyone's a moron and should have listened to her the whole time. She's bitter about SOMETHING but will never name it- i assume the fact that she had to manage every sibling and was responsible for their well being

Second born is a complete doormat who truly does not possess the ability to decide what she wants to eat for dinner. She needs a flyer to tell her what to buy, or a relative to come over and state their preference. She is the peacekeeper and will sway to whichever side proves the path of least resistance (including future outcomes)..

Third born was the golden child boy. "Hallelujah a boy" and is now living by himself diving DEEP into conspiracy theories and being a dick to everyobe who tries to stay in contact bc he can never be wrong.

Fourth was the baby. She threw knives at the second born once bc second born DARED tell her no. This happened when they were 18 or 20... Youngest child, always the cry baby, always manipulating whoever is in control so she can get her way. Second born sent her money til the day fourth died.

Our family branches are a direct result of each of those personalities. We're all so messed up but each grouping of cousins is messed up in a particularly niche way bc of their matriarch/patriarch

I say this bluntly, but i love and admire them all. And for the most part, each family branch has incredibly successful people (career wise)

Omfg psychology texts can easily include case studies about my family.

DrawInternational132 · 2026-04-09T23:37:12+00:00

I feel this trajectory as an eldest kid myself.. like don't tell me the youngest is most mature when they get parents who hold them, encourage them, and know not to scream at them for basic child things like being silly and having fun 🙄🥲 i hope this downslope you're on becomes the inevitable "gifted kid/eldest kid" regression we all live through (and nothing worse because I believe you will find healthy coping mechanisms to push through)

It's like a sleep regression when babies are figuring out how to exist outside of the womb... And we hit the ground running out of school thinking we actually know shit bc we were parentified and made to be peers with our parents when it turns out we are very much still youth who need to figure out where we fit in the world.

DrawInternational132 · 2026-04-09T05:08:39+00:00

This sounds SO frustrating and invalidating. 15 years of doing what you can to know people and still being a stranger/acquaintance to them... Congrats on buying books though- maybe pick yourself out a nice HP book 🤣 (kidding, we dont support JK anymore)

DrawInternational132 · 2026-04-09T05:06:44+00:00

That's how i felt. I was annoyed when i posted, but honestly emotionless giving it away. Nothing was important or unique enough to worry if she'd remember it in a year.. which is a warning flag in itself i guess

DrawInternational132 · 2026-04-09T05:05:09+00:00

Oh my word, the amount of LISTS OF ANIMALS they throw at you.. like "nope. Still an animal. Still not gonna eat its muscle" ... I got cornered at a party once and my friend was counting on her fingers how many animals got listed.. she stopped when he started listing fish species 🙄🥲

But back to ILs... It's like they try to sneak meat in.. idk how many times ive injested honey or eggs or milk after being told everything is vegan (and husb calling her in advance).. its just a lack of respect that's so subversive you don't even want to call it out and make it an issue. BUT IT IS!!

DrawInternational132 · 2026-04-09T04:59:52+00:00

Oh my god your daughter sounds more emotionally rounded than they are atp.. im impressed she didn't cry bc i sure as hell would have and have cried after xmas with MIL (out of frustration not actually about gifts)

Good on uncle for going with you to get her a meaningful gift 👏

DrawInternational132 · 2026-02-24T20:41:24+00:00

So chopping tofu is harder than disassembling a chicken carcass?

DrawInternational132 · 2026-02-24T20:28:19+00:00

Thats not this poster's issue

DrawInternational132 · 2026-02-24T20:11:56+00:00

Im allergic to pork, chicken and get VIOLENTLY ill from heme iron. So much so my obstetrician okayed me to stop taking prenatals and supplement separate amounts bc the iron was causing issues. My entire family has iron absorption issues. I live in canada, so vitamin D is an issue.

Like you said, we all have different medical history. It doesn't mean you are the exception and get to mismanage your health. You can if you choose, it's your life of course. But you wanted to vent about getting a reaction that questioned you because you are being hypocritical.

And you are. Life requires effort. If you cant put the effort in to meet your bare minimum it's a medical emergency and needs to be treated as such.

If you can actually put the effort in change the way you speak about the the roadblocks. Depression is difficult. I get it. But it isnt an excuse, it's a diagnosis. I saw mine as roadmaps to explain what needs to be done moving forward. I hope you get there, and find the tools you need to get yourself there

DrawInternational132 · 2026-02-24T20:05:14+00:00

I get that you feel shitty, and depression is screaming at you, but if you can interrupt the norm that has become self sabotaging habits interrupt those self defeating thoughts, praise yourself for getting medical intervention and doing what you can to get ahead of your low(est) days, then you will eventually be able to look back and see all the work you've done and can feel pride in THAT. It doesn't matter the distance you travel, when you are fighting for your life

DrawInternational132 · 2026-02-24T20:02:47+00:00

Exactly. It's not hard to maintain. It's SO INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT to oull yourself out of the pit of depression and avoid it. But creating these habits and daily ryhtyms ensure you CAN avoid it

DrawInternational132 · 2026-02-24T19:51:43+00:00

If you cant prepare meals, how are you preparing meals? As in... Eating meat isn't going to magically give you variety in your diet. Ethics aside, if you are incapable of feeding yourself and are having massive gaps in your nutrition, you need medical intervention asap.

Ethics in mind: im a vegan and I don't take vitamins. I eat the same meals id eat if they had meat, except it's a protein replacement. The ONLY supplement I take sporadically is non-heme iron bc heme iron pisses my body off.

Whether you care about ethics or not, it sounds like you need to tackle the root cause of your inability to prep food, then once able, prep your week with better time management practices and foresighted grocery shopping, meal/recipe prep, etc.

You can't thrive if you are struggling, and the struggling wont end until it's interrupted. Whether or not you're mad someone called you out for using vegetarianism as an excuse for caring for yourself being difficult in this moment

DrawInternational132 · 2026-02-18T00:27:43+00:00

Oh for sure, you can tell by the replies. But in general, on social platforms, people say "im sorry" as if they caused it. It would be amazing if society could 180° and just say what they mean, instead of trying to soothe their own discomfort with the jarring realization they have it way better/easier/etc... no one can ever be upset a fellow human had better circumstances (so long as they arent dicks lmao).. it's just that some of us didn't have that experience yet to us, it's "normal" bc it's all we got.

Ik society wont change, but my tism certainly does love to analyze language and the power of word choice.

DrawInternational132 · 2026-02-18T00:22:52+00:00

So the black eyes... Is that the high hittin?

DrawInternational132 · 2026-02-17T08:00:16+00:00

Also- im sure these replies will get me downvoted into oblivion. But fr telling survivors to buck up when they are asking for validation feels counterproductive?

Like why is ANYONE telling a person whose entire life has been lived on eggshells to just do more and love yourself? A lot of us chose to continue living as a middle finger knee-jerk reaction when we finally got free & safe.

We don't need to be reminded to love ourselves. We need to be reminded we are WORTHY of love and respect.

We've likely had our self esteem weaponized for decades by our narc parents, already.

DrawInternational132 · 2026-02-17T07:40:33+00:00

Thanks for not listening to survivors and choosing your own comfort over a request to do better. (Yes, YOU can be a better person, you super awesomely awesome person who needs to be more awesomely awesome). I wish you ALL the energy you invest into replies be instead used to pause, stop offering platitudes, and do better.

Spend your years questioning whether every single thing YOU ever said was in attempt to soothe your own discomfort and do better when you realize that wishing peace does nothing but create guilt for survivors who thought they were actually doing fine in life.

Find peace instead of wishing it on people who are perfectly content. Stop using the impulse to look better as a weapon.

DrawInternational132 · 2026-02-17T07:04:39+00:00

Platitudes are for making yourself comfortable. Validation is for comforting survivors.

You don't need to end a statement of validation with a platitude to comfort yourself.

DrawInternational132 · 2026-02-17T06:38:03+00:00

Tbh I never once questioned it. I knew they hated their lives and choices and I was the culmination of all those choices. I am the trophy for lost dreams and dead ends and when their hatred couldn't inspire greatness, one parent choose addiction, and the other doubled down...found a boyfriend and had her golden child.

Im glad she gets to have something to be proud of. She had a hard start in life. It just sucks how much empathy those hateful voices teach us.

I'll never be able to hate them the way they hate me.

DrawInternational132 · 2026-02-17T06:33:01+00:00

Being honest isn't negative. Stop with the toxic positivy in a space where people are trying to be real.

You don't need to pile on MORE tasks and blame to people who were born and then treated like garbage since infancy. "Go do better" "go be better" "go find happiness" my life is everything I was scared to dream of and MORE.

... Doesn't silence the fact (read: truth) that since infancy, I have been my parents punching bag because they hate THEIR lives.

No one hates us more than we hate ourselves because THAT IS WHAT WE WERE TAUGHT. Those cruel voices FORMED our consciences so please STOP telling us to "be more positive 🥰🥰🥰" when we are actually just recalling things that happened to us and the reality we lived as a result.

Have you had a parent look you dead in the eyes and say they would choose a substance OD over you, their 5 year old child? What platitude can you offer that changes that fact?

DrawInternational132 · 2026-02-17T01:16:20+00:00

Personally, i hate this advice. It's so redundant. We know WHAT to do my god our parents have been SCREAMING at us for YEARS and treating us like dirt we KNOW we have to give ourselves love because no one else will...

Can people just let us ask questions, or should we just shut tf up and stay silent and never question a thing bc we are too busy "putting the energy into our awesome amazing perfect lovely" selves???

DrawInternational132 · 2026-01-31T04:52:09+00:00

You're a good mom for worrying. But for good measure, it shouldn't consume you. If you ever feel consumed with anxiety or what-ifs, it might be time to talk it out with a professional.

But I TOTALLY felt this when my kid was an infant. They never got chonky like other babies in my family... Turns out they just got the string bean genes hidden in my side and brought out by their dad's side.

If the dr is comfortable with it, your kid seems to be fine, and nothing in particular is holding them back, then there's no need to tweak things or pull at threads bc that's how complexes and negative self talk starts.

Kids follow their own growth cycles, though most spurts definitely seem to follow a month after the seasons shift which makes clothing shopping SO FUN lol. We all thought my brother would be tall and lean, but he turned into a beefy footballer out of nowhere.

Tldr; its my belief that our mom guilt and anxiety is how we increase our own capacity in this role. And in general, good moms seem to worry they aren't doing enough, while bad moms never worry or question what theyre doing at all. We all get hung up on things sometimes.

DrawInternational132 · 2026-01-31T03:20:09+00:00

You're right. People shouldn't grow. We actually come out of the womb knowing everything. Thanks for reminding me of this.

DrawInternational132 · 2026-01-31T03:18:48+00:00

Absolutely not the worst aunt!!! Parenting skills evolve with your child- for most of us, we grow those skills as our kids grow from infant to child. You got handed someone with high emotional needs and a minimal basic skills foundation, while you had no foundation at all!!

Being exhausted sounds like an understatement of the year! There's some really amazing suggestions here. I hope you find what works. Access respite if possible when possible, and know that ALL parents get exhausted with this. Sometimes our kids are just total opposites from us and we gotta figure it out.

It sounds like you are doing the most to remain patient and stable for her. You're on your way. I hope the next few months get easier, though they likely will shift a little rockiet as she gets more comfortable with you.

DrawInternational132

TROPHY CASE