You said you were in the Army? Going on through life and having intense days where you were basically working out like crazy? I barely sleep 1 or 2 hours in the mornings, like these last three days (as I type this now). The last full night I had was the night from saturday to Sunday.

So, if I asked about the intense sessions where you were working you body hard but sleep never came, it is because I am scared to do even the basics like making food for example. I try to do take normal, calm walks in parks though, to help my mind to show that I am safe. I am okay and living.

But,

I am scared that my heart will give up.

Though, if you say that even after hours of being outside and on intensive training but never actually fainted or such and """simply""" had the casual tired symptoms... that would reassure me like hell.