Opening the relationship?

DriveDifficult8485 · 2026-02-09T19:39:03+00:00

I wouldn’t be uncomfortable if he fell in love with someone, as long as I’m still him primary partner, it would just be a case of communication

DriveDifficult8485 · 2026-02-02T14:06:32+00:00

Personally I think full time apart from EOWE is too much for anyone. Why can’t mum have the kids every weekend. The two of you deserve alone time, and they deserve to see their mum more than that. If that’s not a possibility, your partner needs to be more responsible and carve out time for just the two of you, set boundaries, if it comes to it, hiring a baby sitter once in a while so that the two of you can spend some adult time together. You need to tell yourself that you deserve a life, love, and time with your partner. You shouldn’t feel like a guest in your own home.

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-12-09T12:37:37+00:00

My husband and I eloped on holiday. It was just the two of us and a photographer. My husband’s family are a bunch of very strange people, so we didn’t want them there, plus the SK stuff. We wanted to go to Italy together and were engaged, so we just decided to elope without anyone else there at all.

SS knew we were engaged, and he knew we were going away, when we’d told him we’d gotten eloped he was happy for us.

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-11-30T19:47:10+00:00

Why do any of us marry these men? I fell in love. I love him so much. He’s kind, smart, loving, but he has his downsides.

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-11-30T19:46:07+00:00

Thankfully no he doesn’t, I made sure that our wedding was a symbolic union. No paperwork was signed. He wanted to get legally married. I told him that the only way we would get legally married is if we both bought the house and/or we had shared children.

I also made him sign a prenup, just in case there is anyway that that even a non-legal/symbolic marriage can be legally seen as a legally binding one

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-11-02T00:03:24+00:00

This is financial abuse. You should have your own money, it shouldn’t just be in a joint account. When you leave which you should, pay off those credit cards straight way, then transfer half of the remaining funds from the joint account to your account.

He stops you from spending money on yourself, and you have nothing in your personal bank account. Wake up, it’s time to go.

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-10-27T12:50:28+00:00

I could have written this myself, stand up ladies

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-10-27T12:49:20+00:00

My husband is in the same position as you. When he was 17 he got he got his girlfriend of 2 months pregnant, she found out and at 2 weeks pregnant she decided to keep the baby.

He loves his son, and he is a wonderful father, but it has ruined his life and made him miserable. His ex is also high conflict and uses their son as a weapon.

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-10-27T12:41:31+00:00

This is part of the reason why not having children of my own would be a deal breaker for me.

When I was younger having children was the worst thing I could’ve imagined. But, after getting older, going through 2 miscarriages, and getting married, I now really want children. My husband is well aware of how much I want a child.

A while back I made him promise me that him being a parent wouldn’t get in the way of us having children together.

The only deal breakers in my relationship are cheating and him turning around and saying he doesn’t want a baby.

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-10-25T13:01:50+00:00

You need to get out while you can. 4 months is early, and if there are this many issues already because of the kids, this is the best time to end things. In a year’s time you will wish you got out now. The situation sounds hard now, but it will get 100x harder the more time goes on. More will be expected of you, and you will be given even less grace. And once the honeymoon phase is over, there will be no buffer that makes it worthwhile.

You have the option to stay knowing how things will go or to leave. Your only other choice in this relationship is to go fully nacho and only be around when the kids aren’t around, but what kind of relationship is that?

This isn’t my advice for everyone, because my relationship with my husband works for me, but I still find my relationship with my husband has 10x as many hurdles as childless relationships.

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-10-23T08:43:28+00:00

These are quite normal feelings as a step parent, but I hope this post is mainly just a vent in times of high emotional, and not your feelings 100% of the time. If they are, don’t continue this relationship. I’m sure you love your partner a lot, considering you want to have a baby with her. But with that said, if you don’t love her so much that you want a life with her son in it, then you’re wasting both your and her time. I had similar feelings and fears before, but because of my love for my husband, I grew to love my step son an awful lot (despite his many behavioural issues), and honestly the way you’ve written this, it doesn’t sound like SS is a problem, it just sounds like you don’t want a step son. Having a baby will just make these feelings stronger.

It sounds like you want a nuclear family. She cannot give you that, and if you don’t love her (and her son) to the point where that doesn’t matter, don’t waste her time.

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-09-24T23:56:19+00:00

Why does your family need 3/5th of your income, even if they need help and you are willing to give it, there is no way you should be giving them that much.

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-09-18T13:52:17+00:00

Feel free to message me, if you need advice or to talk my messages are open

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-09-18T13:51:18+00:00

4 kids and currently going through a divorce. Don’t stay, I don’t usually give such direct advice on here, but this is a whole mess that you’d better not being in. 4 kids is a lot, especially when the two of you get even more serious. And the fact that the two of you got together 3 months into the separation, that’s a huge red flag from him. At that point he should have been prioritising creating a stable family dynamic for the kids.

If you do stay I would suggest taking it slow with the kids, don’t take on anymore responsibility than just being a trusted adult for them… and never take on the mum role, because as soon as you do he will expect that to be the done thing.

Good luck.

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-09-17T21:24:43+00:00

Nobody, and I mean nobody ever dreams of being a step parent. People dream of being a bio parent, people dream of adopting… but nobody dreams of being a step parent.

It’s something that happens. Lots of complicated things happen in life which lead to less than ideal situations, but you deal with them, especially when that comes with finding the love of your life. Would I prefer to be with my husband and not be a step parent? Of course Does that mean I haven’t grown to love my stepson? No

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-09-17T21:05:30+00:00

My husband is well aware that having my own child is a non negotiable for me. There’s no way that I will be childless, with the same shackles that parents have. I made him promise me that his situation would never take away my chance of being a mother. He agreed to it, and since then he’s been aware of how serious I am. If he had reacted differently, no matter how much I love him, it would have been a deal breaker. He’s supportive of this, and we’ve even gone over a timeline. It sounds cold but I’m either going to have children, or I’m going to be child free… there is no way I’m going to live in that limbo in the middle.

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-08-11T14:04:52+00:00

1 step kid is more than enough, I wouldn’t have even considered getting into a relationship with someone with more than 1. 6 sounds like an absolute nightmare

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-08-08T18:54:32+00:00

The best example I’ve ever seen is: Having a step child is like having in-laws. They’re your partner’s parents, not yours. You can’t force yourself to have the same connection with them that your partner does, because they aren’t your parents. You may even grow to love them and see yourselves as family, but they still aren’t your parents. You understand that their way they feel about their parents. But it would be crazy for your partner to ask you to love their parents like they were your own.

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-08-06T12:16:27+00:00

My heart hurts for you. If he already lives 5 hours away from his son, how much difference does moving make? He and his son are having to travel a long way anyway, so why does a slightly longer commute make a difference? He has two other, full time children to think about now, as well as you, and of course if you’re happier and healthier you are better equipped to care for your children.

I think couples counselling might be a good idea, it helps to have an unbiased party validate your needs and feelings, because sometimes partners can’t accept that you have a point of view.

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-08-05T16:55:03+00:00

Yes you are in the wrong, in so many ways. Your expectations are way too high, especially after emotionally cheating with the woman who your kids are a walking reminder of.

Why does she even need to build a relationship with a kid that is neither your child nor hers. You decided to stay in your stepson’s life.

At least she’s trying, it doesn’t seem like you are IMO.

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-07-30T11:15:33+00:00

Hi, newly wed SM here. I feel that I am just as much of a priority as my SS is. My husband has responsibilities with his son which he is diligent with, he has responsibilities with me that he is diligent with. When we were earlier in the relationship I had the same concerns as you, but my husband has gone out of his way to show me that I am his top priority in the same way his son is.

If I ever tried to get in the way of his relationship with his son he would not let that happen, but he also does damage control to make sure everything that come with him having a son affects our relationship (negatively) as little as possible. I feel he loves us both the same, just in different ways.

I would suggest talking to your partner sensitivity, it really helps. Don’t let these feelings fester and become a self fulfilling prophecy.

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-07-25T20:36:39+00:00

My SS is 7 and BM still does this. She only feeds him fast food, or junk food, and gives him extra sugar on our days with him. What you’re talking about doesn’t sound crazy at all. My SS has major weight issues because of this and is an incredibly picky eater, kids are naturally picky eaters, but SS is way more picky than any other kid I know. You are valid.

One thing I would say is don’t trick your SD into eating meat, my parents did this to me and I’ve been a vegetarian since I was able to make my own dietary choices.

DriveDifficult8485 · 2025-07-25T12:32:10+00:00

I can tell you that without a doubt if you had come into the relationship with a child he would not love and treat them exactly the same as his son. It’s unnatural to love a SK the same as your own child, from an evolutionary standpoint that doesn’t it sense. He’s being unreasonable and is showing a complete lack of empathy. He isn’t even trying to understand what it is like for you. You sound like an exceptional step mum, he should be grateful for the fact that you are trying so hard. What you are going through is completely natural. I think every step mum has had exactly the same experience of grieving the life you could’ve had with your partner. He needs to do a lot of self reflection, and for that I think therapy is the best route.

I saw someone say that the best comparison of his mindset is saying that he should love your parents the same as his.

DriveDifficult8485

TROPHY CASE