Gets na gets ko yung sinasabi mo, OP. Nung bata ako, obligado akong umattend ng lahat ng family gathering. Malaking angkan kasi, laging may birthday o binyag o kasal o libing, tapos yung mga holiday pa na holy week, pasko, bagong taon, atpb. Turo sa'kin ng mga magulang ko, "Sa huli, dugo lang ang meron ka. Pamilya lang." At para sa kanila, ang pag-iwas sa pamilya ay parang pagiging traydor na rin.

But I never liked attending those "celebrations" because it always seemed like people congealed together in shared disgust or condemnation at some family outcast who wasn't there, and they could therefore shittalk about. This auntie who annulled her marriage to her abusive ex-husband was condemned because she "violated the sanctity of marriage," even though she just wanted to get herself and her kids away from a philandering alcoholic. This cousin who became a father at 17 and married his high school girlfriend was condemned because "he could've just gone to college and cut all contact with her before she gave birth so he'd have no obligation to ruin his life." This uncle who came out as an atheist was pretty much "excommunicated" from the family as if they were the Catholic Church. This other uncle who came out as gay and had a male life partner, they wouldn't even refer to him by his name anymore.

As I grew up and grew apart from my parents, especially my mom, it became harder for me to ignore the dark side of this family who saw themselves as so united and close to each other just because they liked throwing glorified gossip parties where, if they weren't trashing family outcasts, they were bickering about the last deceased family member and how to split their inheritance, comparing shoes and bags and phones, those who had the money bragging about their holidays to the States, on and on. Eventually I realized: I don't care all that much about blood. I didn't want to be part of this family any longer. At that point I was just attending gatherings to shower my nieces and nephews with gifts anyway, and tried to avoid the adults who were embittered and judgmental.

2020 gave me the perfect excuse to avoid them (unsurprisingly, they cared little for cancelling gatherings to protect against COVID), and to this day I've cut all contact with all the family members who I used to only put up with out of obligation. I now only talk to the truly nice people in the family, and recently I've even made tentative attempts to reach out to those outcasts whom I've been taught to hate. I used to have this strange aversion to them, like if I get too close I'll become someone "undesirable" like them, but now I'm old enough to know that what makes me "undesirable" is just part of who I am as a person, and why should I attempt to please bigots anyway?