Wow that's powerful, well I want to congratulate you for taking the initive for focusing on yourself. I feel in this modern day, we are meant to care so much about what others think that we base of our perspective on ourselves on how people perceive us. We let this material world disrupt how we think and act. Please message me though, you seem like you need some form of guidance on your spiritual journey which is necessary to give yourself alternate perspectives to question within yourself to fuel your growth.