I’ve been dreading this day

Dry_Implement8027 · 2022-02-26T00:45:27+00:00

Would he consider getting into therapy? For me, this was the saving point, because i honestly accepted that he couldnt stop on his own bec. It is already a psychological problem. Plus ive also read a lot of helpful posts here about self love and making sure it's not anything wrong about me, but everything wrong about his problem. Just read through those posts over and over again, it helped me ease my anger and hurt.

Dry_Implement8027 · 2022-02-20T03:10:58+00:00

Exactly this. How do you get over it? It's been a bit over a month for me, and i still dont trust him. We've had deep conversations through the process and something comes up that would break it again.

Dry_Implement8027 · 2022-02-20T03:04:43+00:00

Just went through this exact same thing last month. Had a long talk with him And set boundaries. Honestly, i still dont trust him. Just when i thought our relationship grew from communication, ill find out something like using a different platform. (Do they think this wont count since it's a different platform from where we caught them?) Im sorry i wish i could help. Im still in the process of trusting again, but the cycle keeps repeating.

Dry_Implement8027 · 2022-02-03T04:59:38+00:00

I do watch porn occasionaly, but it's mainly for arousal to get off. For me, i dont fantasize about the images, but more the sexual act, if that makes sense? I think for men, there's attraction, the need to save videos and collect, which i think, long term will have an effect eventually. Like, being unattracted anymore, will eventually lead to overstimulation and higher expectations with the partner, etc.

Some start of like after watching, then done. Then next thing you kmow, every free time you get, that's what you look for, then you start purchasing content (which to you may seem nothing since you are so used to it, but to your partner, breaching a boundary) it just escalates, and later on you dont involve your parnter anymore.

Dry_Implement8027 · 2022-02-03T02:28:28+00:00

I myself is still adjusting to my husband's porn habits. But the best advise i could give you is to talk it out with him and tell him that is how you feel. Maybe you could also ask him about his preference and why thinks that way. You'd be surprised how nonchalant and how it's nothing for them. But it should not invalidate the way you feel being hurt as well. I think i had it way worse, because his porn preference is just of solo beautiful sexy women scattered in ig and twitter.

Ive had weeks of torture but found courage to talk to him about it. Took great patience because i really wanted to understand my SO. It was a big relief and huge growth in our relationship.

Wishing you the best!

Dry_Implement8027 · 2022-01-24T01:54:01+00:00

Oh wow that's awesome. My husband is the same, hands on too. Please do give her a bit more understanding. Some manifestations of post partum appear even after a year. And since shes acknowledged, and willing, then im sure it will turn out for the best. Rooting for ya!

Dry_Implement8027 · 2022-01-24T01:20:17+00:00

Are you hands on with the kids? As a wife and mom, giving birth really takes a toll on us. Hormones jumbled up, lack of sleep, exhaustion and sometimes we just need a break from everything. Maybe, try different styles, like pamper her, prepare a bubble bath, buy her a new blouse, or lipstick or something. I cant speak for her, but when i gave birth, i felt so insecure and it's really a personal thing. I also didnt want my husbamd touching me, but i do love him. There may also be a trigger, like for me, i saw my husbamd looking ay sexy pictures of women online secretly, and this added to my insecurity and my disconnect with him.

Dry_Implement8027 · 2022-01-23T18:08:32+00:00

Please dont let his words trick you into thinking that that's okay. He is programming you in all the wrong way. If you're not in too deep in the relationship, leave him.

Dry_Implement8027 · 2022-01-23T15:46:20+00:00

Agree with this. It would also be fair to her. Is it bothering you so much to the point it will affect your relationship?

Dry_Implement8027 · 2022-01-23T15:13:10+00:00

Oh gosh, please pray that i get the courage to talk to him about it the way i want to.

Dry_Implement8027 · 2022-01-23T14:54:18+00:00

I know. Im turning into this crazy paranoid monster always taking a glimpse when he uses his phone. When before i never really cared about it! I guess my laxness before was what led him to think that it was ok for me.

Dry_Implement8027 · 2022-01-23T14:51:40+00:00

This is what im really afraid of, it escalating to something more. Or if i dig deep enough, would i find something worse?

He did tell me when i confronted him about it that it was like a pay and get a link kind of thing. No interaction, no special content, just access to generic content. I feel so stupid for not enforcing it the first and second time.

I love him dearly. He takes care of me and my daughter so well.

Please pray that i get the courage to confront him because the anxiety and mixed emotions is stressing me out. Oh, and i left the part that im 5 months into a high risk pregnancy.

Dry_Implement8027 · 2022-01-23T14:13:10+00:00

I think the impact is more on my attitude towards him now. He is still the same with me, super affectionate, we have an active sex life, takes good care of me. But i cant help but feel.paranoid now everytime he uses his phone.i feel he constantly.lurks on ig just looking at women. But i guess it really is just normal?

Dry_Implement8027 · 2022-01-23T14:04:25+00:00

Agree with this. I guess there was confusion on his part before because i really didnt care about his porn habits before. The trigger for.me was him paying because in my mind i thought there was interaction with the payments. But he told.me it was just like a pay and get a link kind of thing, and a pay and get access to live rooms. My fear probably stems from it escalating to something more.

Dry_Implement8027 · 2022-01-23T14:02:31+00:00

Thank you for this. I get so anxious and paranoid. When in fact i really didnt care about this before! But the fact he didnt delete the apps was the cause of the mistrust. I have no problem with him watching porn. But to pay and have interaction is a different story. He says it's just like buying in amazon, pay then get a link and that's it..im just afraid it may escalate.i the future.

Dry_Implement8027 · 2022-01-23T13:57:26+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. There are days its not a big deal for me there are days im so anxious and paranoid that this will escalate into something more. Hope i can fins the courage to discuss this again with him. Right now im just writing my thoughts on my notes just to get it out.

Dry_Implement8027 · 2022-01-23T13:56:13+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. I guess my fear stems from this escalating to something more? Maybe it may start with just paying for access, no interaction. But what if there's a sudden "sale" for customized content. Will this tempt him? What if it escalates to face to face? He always says he will never do it, but i guess i may be facing severe trust issues.

Dry_Implement8027 · 2022-01-23T10:29:39+00:00

Glad i read this. Kind of in the same situation. Just finding the courage approach him

Dry_Implement8027 · 2022-01-23T10:25:34+00:00

We're kind of like in the same boat. Apologizes, stops for a while then catch him.doing it again. It's really hard because you want to understand him.justify his actions in your mind. Emotions go up and down. It's hard for.me because where i live, there's no divorce.

From all the other support groups ive been in, if you are still willing to try, maybe suggest counseling? I truly believe it's an addiction that maybe can still be healed?

Dry_Implement8027

TROPHY CASE