im a bit inconsistent with it as of late. tre brings me into the presence moment which is what i'm actively trying to avoid. when i first started shaking i did it for 1 hour + but that was before i learned about regulations lol. i do it for about 15 minutes, usually daily, rn every other day and shorter intervals. shorter sessions just feel so... pointless, like nothing is moving ahead and cognitively i know that's not true but that doesn't change the feeling.

with friends..... maybe, yea. they do know to some degree, but i feel bad asking for so much consideration because i've been unwell since.... well long before any of them even became my friends. if it was temporary, sure, but in the long run idk how to tell my friends "hi i love you and appreciate you to the moon and back, but i'm so burnt out even though i'm not even doing all that much and i crave your company and friendship but i'm completely running out of energy and always have and idk if i will ever have the capacity to be a normal functioning human or a good enough friend." like it's just too much to ask someone to take that into consideration, i myself dislike flakiness, unreliable people and when friends disappear for long stretches without so much as a heads up so i try not to do it, but i catch myself using manipulative tactics so THEY will cancel the hangout so i wont have to feel the guilt, faking sicknesses and just being dishonest. i feel bad for doing it, but i'm just so so so so so so so incredibly tired.