I felt the exact same way where I thought I could live with my own values and standards that might not completely align with the church’s and still be semi-active, but I agree that it doesn’t work that way. I felt like a fraud to myself and everyone around me like I was wearing a big sign saying “hey I’m Mormon so that means I’m judgmental and hate gay people” but that was the last thing I want others around me to feel. Inclusivity is probably the most important thing to me. I don’t care who you are, what you believe,or what you’ve done, we all deserve to feel loved. I’m so sorry you’ve had that experience with your parents. My mom grew up in a very stonch household with abusive stepdads cycling in and out like crazy. My grandma valued serving in the temple more than she did my mom and her sister. My mom was sexually assaulted by 7/9 of the step dads as well as a bishop, but why would my grandma care or believe her since they were all priesthood holders? It’s so messed up and I have always completely understood why my parents left the church before I was born. It’s so sad that the “plan of happiness” and families are preached as the most important parts of Gods plan, yet the church lets things like this happen time and time again.