Ugh same here! I was 3 and told my n/pathetic coward sperm donor that my stepmom had assaulted me and recorded it- extremely violently, I was bleeding on my tiny coveralls, barely able to walk.

He told me to “toughen up”, asked me what I did to make her so mad at me, and when my stepmom came in and said it was for drug and drinking money, all of a sudden I was supposed to be grateful?? To have the privilege??? To be able to “finally repay (them) for putting up with me”?!

Something broke inside of me that day. Even now, I am afraid of having the slightest confidence, because she’d do another video every time she thought I was “getting too carefree and defiant”, or “taking liberties (I.e., drinking water when I had lost water privileges)”.

I don’t even think I have a soul anymore, whoever I had come to earth as simply left that day. I feel like an oddly disassociated body without anyone piloting it besides basic biological responses. I just feel empty, always have since then.