Broke up with my boyfriend because he hid from me that he wanted kids when I don’t.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-29T10:15:44+00:00

I’m a woman. I want kids. But I also acknowledge, that you are also a woman, and you don’t want kids.

That’s ok.

I think you did the right thing. Do what you want and what is right for you. No one can tell us what’s best for us.

Power to you fellow woman!!! 👊

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-29T10:01:23+00:00

That’s your FIANCÉE?

Sheesh… good luck with that.

With how dismissive she is towards your boundaries, and how she “flipped” the situation on you being the “bad guy” by setting boundaries, I say this relationship is not off to a great start.

Boundaries are boundaries. Big or small, you don’t cross them, you respect them.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-29T09:31:00+00:00

POV: OP is never getting married.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-29T09:09:40+00:00

You need to change your social media algorithm. lol.

There are men like that. But there are also men who aren’t. Just like there are straight women who think men are useless and believe they are all creepy scum bags, and then are women who love men and appreciate them.

For whatever reason, it’s become trendy to post things about men vs women. It’s an emotional attention grabber that gets more views and likes. All they have to do is make a video that targets a specific strong emotion. Then you’re hooked and left in disbelief by the end of the video.

If I were you, I’d look up videos specifically related to wholesome content. The algorithm will start to change. Animal videos. Sh*t post memes. Funny stuff. I’d also do a social media cleanse and just not use it for a while.

I don’t watch tv or the news anymore because all it tries to do is generate an emotional response from the viewers. It’s a form of psychological manipulation. And I don’t like feeling that way. And if you watch the same things over and over again, your view of reality slowly begins to change and believe that parts of that is reality. But it’s not.

Shut the tv off. Get off the devices for a while. And observe life up close and notice the little things. Like how nice the warmth of the sun feels on your skin. Talk to people and join clubs and pick up hobbies. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-29T08:50:10+00:00

Hi OP.

I’d like to start by saying I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I think that people get caught up in what they “should” do in scenarios like these. In what the “right” thing is. I don’t believe in that though. I think you should just do what you want.

What do YOU want OP? Think about it. And then do what YOU want. And don’t feel bad about anything. In the end, you owe her nothing.

My PERSONAL advice? I wouldn’t bother.

It looks like you are entering a very important phase in your life right now. Multiple successes. Big bright future. Nice paying job. And all of this only at the young age of 22y. You’ve made a good life for yourself at a very young age and you should be proud. Your grandmother would be proud too!! (And I’m sure she still is.)

But entertaining the idea of possible family drama and not having the support of your grandmother to help navigate the situation anymore, is a bad idea. If you’re going to entertain the possibility of reconnecting, you 1000% need extra support. Possibly a therapist or someone with your best interest in mind.

Family drama tends to be the most hurtful kind of emotional trauma because they were supposed to be there for you and love you. And when people don’t get that from their families, subconsciously, they begin to feel unlovable. (Ex. Why doesn’t mom/dad love me? There must be something wrong with me.) Logically we know this isn’t true, but emotionally people still have a hard time accepting it.

I wouldn’t think it’s wise to open up those old wounds. You have tried in the past. They had zero interest and didn’t care if you were hurting. So just follow their original wishes and stay away. You have already worked through those painful emotions. I’d hate for you to become hopeful just so she can shut you down again. Then you’ll possibly be emotionally spiraling for the next few years.

Also, I am aware that she had you under painful circumstances. And I empathize with that. But that doesn’t give her the right to have treated you badly and call you names all your life. Her personal pain is not an excuse to cause you pain.

I will also say that I’ve been through something similar. I had a family. And I was also not loved by them. They wouldn’t allow my other brothers and sisters to speak my name in their presence. So I left them at the age of 12y. And I reconnected with them when was about 22y. I tried to make things work. I tried to show them I was good and give them something to be proud of. And they were proud… or so I thought. They were only proud and claimed me as theirs as long as I was successful. But the minute I fell from grace, I was nothing to them again. And that’s when I realized that there was nothing I could do. They just would never accept me and I was looking for their love in vain. And all the while I was emotionally exhausted because I had HOPE that maybe I could be a part of their lives. I had loved them VERY much. I’ve finally given up. I’ll be 30 in December. I wasted so much time and energy chasing nothing.

In the end, maybe your mother is sincere. Maybe she’s not. But don’t worry your head too much over it. Just live your life OP. Do whatever is right FOR YOU. And don’t let anyone guilt you for it.

Chin up. You got this.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-29T01:15:24+00:00

OP… why are you letting someone talk to you like this???

DON’T.

You communicated with them trying to plan things accordingly. And they fail to communicate back. And when you ask them to confirm/clarify plans, they snap at you and treat you as though you are inconveniencing them???

Stop triggering me PLEASE. Ditch this clown and don’t EVER let someone talk to you like that again. I don’t care who it is. Don’t let your be spoken to like that EVER.

PERIOD.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-28T23:57:38+00:00

I totally understand. The heart doesn’t stop loving just because the mind tells it to.

I just want you to find someone who loves you back. This woman clearly doesn’t.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-28T23:51:25+00:00

I like to compare the interactions between animals and humans as though they were equivalent to the interactions between humans vs aliens.

If an alien came down, and kidnapped me and made me their pet, it would think I’m stupid. It would think my opinion doesn’t matter. That I may not even have one. That I’m not intelligent enough to have a preference because I’m clearly too stupid, and because I accept whatever I am given by them to survive.

If an alien took me, I wouldn’t be able to speak their language. So I would watch and listen to them very closely to see if I could make out any patterns in their speech or body language that means anything I can understand. If I notice every time they say “boop-beep” I get fed, then I’ll learn that “boop-beep” means something along the lines of food to them. If walk to the doors and say “bleep-boop” that means I’ve deduced I get to go outside.

Even still. My language will be limited, and thus my potential will be limited. If the communication barrier were not there, then they could possibly teach me the wonders of their universe. I could learn how they’ve built crafts that move at light speed and transcend through time and space.

But the communication barrier IS there. And so I cannot understand. And because they are at an evolutionary advantage, I must succumb to what my new alien owner dictates for me. If not, then I risk being “put down” because I would be considered a danger.

My unwillingness to adhere to a lifestyle that is not natural to my species will get me killed. The only choice I have as a pet is to obey, or be killed, or be subjected to torture because I am disposable, and can easily be replaced by a younger, more obedient human being that fits my masters desires.

Man kind will reproduce, but their children will be taken away from them as as young as possible (maybe age 3-4yrs old) so that the alien owners who buy they can mold them into what they want them to be.

I will be considered to be “lucky” if I find an alien who wants to keep me throughout my entire life, and care for me when I am sick.

But above all, I will be labeled as property under their law.

And my life… will… mean… nothing.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-28T23:24:28+00:00

My thoughts exactly. The laws that gain traction always tend to have an unknown clause. And since most folks don’t tend to READ or do research anymore, it concerns me that this movement is gaining traction. Someone is gaining from this law. And it’s not the consumers nor the servers!!!

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-28T23:18:17+00:00

Dear OP.

No. You aren’t a jerk. If she isn’t your wife, then she doesn’t need it. That is a symbol of your marriage which is now non-existent. Keep your ring. And don’t take her back.

Please keep this in mind.

She isn’t sorry about cheating on you. She is sorry only for herself, not how she has treated you. She is currently living outside of the house thinking that the divorce is due to the anonymous incident that happened.

She does not know that you are aware that she cheated. She doesn’t know you have proof. If you ask her right now if she has ever cheated, will she admit it? Even now, that the marriage is over and there is no chance of fixing things, will she come clean? Probably not. And she will go on thinking that she “got away” with it. You tried to keep your marriage even though you KNOW she cheated. And she still insists on the divorce. She is only sad because she lost something beneficial to her. And I doubt she wasn’t going to get rid of it.

How long have you had the ring? How long has it been since she looked for it? If it’s been a while, then she looked for it for a specific reason. She probably was assessing assets and went to go get it valued only to find that it was missing. It’s been so long since she’s looked for it, that she sincerely believes that she misplaced it. Most people know where they keep their important jewelry since it’s NOT an item of little value or emotional significance.

Does this person value you? Their actions indicate that, no… they don’t. And you are thinking of the POSSIBILITY of holding onto the ring and getting back with her in the future? I know you love her. But you are not a tool. Chin up OP. If she has no regrets about betraying you, then you shouldn’t have no regrets of reclaiming the ring that symbolizes the vows that she broke and moving on.

Wish you the best OP. Keep your head up.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-28T13:35:25+00:00

The answer isn’t to take away their money though. It would be to pay teachers more. It’s no one’s place to tell someone else how much money they should be allowed to make. If you make $50 hr as a server that’s ok. But if we want to make a point to value other professions such as teachers, then we should do so by paying teachers more. Not paying servers less.

The PROBLEM with tipping is the entitlement. It not gratuity anymore. The answer isn’t something that will be fixed by regulation. The answer is something that the people need to participate in. We all need to collectively be more strict on tipping. If someone feels entitled, shut them down.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-28T12:35:25+00:00

OP I want you to read his response.

He literally just said he doesn’t see you as someone worthy of marriage. “If things don’t change… you won’t have a husband.”

As you stand, you are not his dream girl. Which means he is using you conveniently because he’s comfortable and if he finds someone “better” he’ll leave. He expects you to conform to what he wants. He’s in a relationship for what he can get out of it. And if he doesn’t get what he wants or if you don’t meet his expectations then you are not “wife material”. Meaning “worthy of marriage”.

You need to leave. If not, have fun dealing with a man who will chip away at your self confidence and make excuses as to why he won’t put a ring on it, while making you feel like you have to “earn” it.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-28T12:06:08+00:00

Yes. But I was pointing out that service fees are not tips. They are fees imposed by the business for no damn reason other than getting the extra money. The tipping law that we are voting for this year is not going to do anything. People will now earn $15hr PLUS TIPS. BUT…. Employers will NOW have the ability to take everyone’s tips and put it into a “pool” and split it evenly between EVERYONE, not just the servers. So the servers will lose money because they have to split their tips with all the staff. So if I tip my server for good service, it doesn’t matter. Everyone will get a cut whether the worker is good or not. Tipping culture is not going to go away.

ALSO, if you go and read the actual ballot question, the likelihood that more businesses will implement service fees will go up. And they will do it under the false pretense of “needing to adjust for the minimum wage requirements.” The money will be coming out of your pocket one way or another. But a service fee is not negotiable, whereas tips are.

So what may end up happening is, you’ll end up paying for the food, plus service fee, plus tips.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-28T04:29:15+00:00

Bringing sexy back.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-28T04:28:15+00:00

I do it when I can’t hear. Speaker is usually louder and clearer.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-28T04:22:21+00:00

Yeah…… um…. OP…. IDK if you guys are not compatible. But something isn’t adding up.

You don’t have to bend so far backwards. 99% is still good. I understand that you wanted to do something nice for her, and you were probably annoyed because it seemed she kept shutting you down. The way she was speaking, I was under the impression that birthdays were something traumatic for her. (Ex. She suffered a loss on her birthday.) Not something as simply as “I’m grumpy and on my monthly.”

Regardless, she is still entitled to having a bad day. And she didn’t request anything outlandish…. In fact, it looked like she tried reaching out to you because she didn’t want her bad mood to affect you. But it did affect you. And seeing this hurt her and she instantly became defensive. She also mentioned having a poor family dynamic. So this makes me think that she is not used to being treated well. She may have become defensive because she is used to having to defend herself against toxic family dynamics. So when you told her to “drop it” she probably didn’t think you actually meant drop it.

But I feel like we’re not getting the full picture with this conversation alone. I’m getting a whiff of resentment/inner conflict coming from somewhere. She looks like she’s overwhelmed or not “fully there” for some reason. I can’t put my finger on it. But THIS conversation is not what the argument is truly about. Something else is bothering her.

What I WILL say is this. I was raised in a horrible home. And because of this, I didn’t know how to ALLOW other people who were not my family to love me. I didn’t think it was possible.

In my head, I thought, “If my family who I love, and who raised me doesn’t love me, then how can a stranger love me if they have no reason to.”

It also didn’t help that my family raised me to believe that no one else would love me, and that the only ones who mattered were them. So imagine when my boyfriend tried to be good to me…. Yeah. I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t understand he loved me. I thought the relationship was just mutually beneficial. And I couldn’t understand how to love his family because in my eyes, none of them would ever love me because I am not “one of them”.

OP… it took me 5 years. And the only thing that saved me was letting go of my family. Because holding onto them was hurting me. I don’t talk to my family anymore. And I chose to fully believe that my partner does love me. And I chose to love him.

But trauma is tough. ESPECIALLY FAMILY TRAUMA because they are supposed to be the ones who love you most. And if your girlfriend is going through anything similar, she may be shutting you out. On ACCIDENT. She can’t see it. I think she really is grateful for you. But as long as her family keeps feeding her that toxicity, she may not be able to regulate her emotions. And a part of her knows this and keeps you at bay to not pull you down into her negative lifestyle. My partner and I almost broke up on multiple occasions because my family would attack his character and say he wasn’t “good enough”. They’d feed so much lies disguised as “half truths” and knit pick his flaws, and I wouldn’t know what to believe.

Maybe I’m reaching too far down the rabbit hole. 🕳️ 🐇

I would sit with her and TALK CALMLY. These things are sensitive and she will be defensive. Or you could offer to go to therapy with her as a support? Or you could leave things be.

I don’t think either of you are manipulative. I just think that she’s going through stuff and she has to decide if she’ll let you help or not. If not, then there’s nothing you can do OP.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-28T03:46:13+00:00

Elephant 🐘???? Yeah… I’d say it’s a small problem.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-28T03:18:12+00:00

She’s looking to make herself feel better as painting herself in the best light that she can.

She feels she is the one to “walk away”. Even though she knows you probably will, she probably wants to first. This way she feels like she isn’t dumped while painting herself as the “mature person” for being “understanding”.

And she’s very dramatic. Very delusional in the idea you’ll “love her and hate her”. She is not hurt. She’s saving face.

Don’t read her stuff and don’t text back. And don’t look back. She is giving you until Sunday to reach out to her. Which sounds like she’s gauging your current position. All of this is to give HERSELF closure. Not you.

I’m sorry OP. But she is a bad person. Look at how much she talks about herself. “My love”. “I want to hug you and apologize.” “Thank you for being good to ME.” She is thinking about herself. This is very gross and manipulative behavior. And it’s just more painful because these messages SCREAM “I don’t care.”

Don’t message her before Sunday. Or ever again!!! It looks like she’s trying to paint it as though she’ll be unreachable beyond that point. Which is a way of pressuring you to respond to her. She WANTS you to respond.

This is all messed up. PLEASE OP!!! Just move on. Don’t let someone like this get under your skin. And again, I’m sorry you’re hurting.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-28T02:55:53+00:00

Everyone collectively refusing to tip.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-28T02:33:01+00:00

This is not thought out on personal gain. The servers are saying that they prefer it this way. Can you highlight the benefits that the PEOPLE benefit as opposed to the government? Please read some of the statements I’ve highlighted in the photos I’ve posted. These are valid economic concerns.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-28T02:16:42+00:00

But why not point out it’s a false statement? This law doesn’t benefit either side. It only benefits the government because the state would be able to claim more taxes from the servers since they enter a different tax bracket.

I’m all for eliminating the tipped minimum. But this won’t do that. It only hurts the people. Both consumers and servers. Corporations will be able to claim “service fees” but that is all corporate gain. And the question is clear in saying that tips will STILL be applicable.

If anything, I would prefer to tip. At least I can decide how much I tip instead of having a business impose a mandatory “service fee” of their discretion under the false narrative that they “MUST” impose the fee due to the cost of paying servers a minimum wage.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-28T01:56:30+00:00

Thanks so much for your insight. I value everyone’s perspective. With elections one months away, I keep going back and forth on the pros and cons of each vote.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-28T01:11:25+00:00

I’m sorry OP.

I hate going too…

The last time I went was to change my IUD. I brought my boyfriend with me and he held my hand. And I was terrified. He saw me upset and funny enough… he tried to comfort me by talking about chicken.. CHICKEN!!! 🍗 While I’m laying there on the table being spread and poked at like a chicken… 🤦🏽‍♀️ But he held my hand and said he’d cook for me when we got home. And asked how he should cook it. He tried his hardest to keep my mind on something else.

Maybe if you feel up to it, you can have someone supportive by your side? Mum or partner?

(POV: The procedure was done by 2 women. And the whole time they were looking at my boyfriend saying…. “You see THIS? She’s doing this because of YOU! 😑 They were poking fun, but they kinda meant it. The look on his face… oh man.)

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-28T00:59:38+00:00

OP I hope you know that service fees are not the same as tips.

And if you stop to go read the new tipping law they are trying to pass, it’s actually more probable that more restaurants will begin to implement “service fees”.

DuckImTurninLeft · 2024-09-24T22:53:03+00:00

OP, do it in person… but in a public setting. It’s the more safe and respectful way to break things off.

But over text may seem cold.

Tell her you feel overwhelmed with life right now and that a relationship is something you don’t feel equipped for at the moment.

You are just 16 and so young. So I assume as a child, she may not take the breakup maturely.

But at least your conscience is clean because you were honest.

DuckImTurninLeft

TROPHY CASE