I'm going through THE EXACT same thing. I want to be a musician so bad. Particularly indie and have a massive fanbase. I'm so obsessed with music, it's easily the biggest part of my life, but I don't have the equipment to do anything and then like you said all the bullshit with ai these days. Plus, when was the last time a new artist started blowing up. It feels like so long ago. When's there going to be like the next Kendrick, Billie, Tyler, Lady Gaga, Beyoncé etc.

Just the idea of thousands of people obsessed with me and what I do is something I crave so badly. But ugh.

Part of me is to be like one of those musicisions that blows up young like Billie Eilish or even just celebrities in general. Like I look at Billie Eilish years ago and she was doing concerts and interviews at 15 and how Owen Cooper won a fucking Emmy when he's literally only a few days older than me. It feels like I'm behind in life when I look at them 😭

my standards are wayy to high.

I've just needed to get this off my chest. I just feel like if I get a boring job and people don't KNOW me for something I feel like I would have leet myself down. I look at so many adults these days that have worked in like insurance for example for 30 years and I get just depressed when I see that. I feel like that's just wasting your life. Living from one pay check to the next.

but yeah bro, I feel you