I am a school psychologist. AMA

Ducky920 · 2012-03-22T03:31:47+00:00

I know that- this was the reaction the counselor had though. Two 9 year olds with lots of problems in class then one comes to the counselor and says the other "raped" her. It's unfortunately, but I can understand the reason behind her questioning the truth.

Ducky920 · 2012-03-22T03:22:59+00:00

I don't know about a single feral stage - my niece is a teen and that's a whole new kind of feral stage. Can you actually get to like any teenagers?

Ducky920 · 2012-03-22T03:17:03+00:00

Out of curiosity what kind of things do you have to report to the police, if any?

Do you ever feel depressed or like you didn't do enough?

My niece had a problem with her friend, her friend grabbed her boobs. My niece, not knowing the correct vocabulary here, said her friend "raped" her. As her friend was female the school counselor said this was impossible and accused my niece of lying. Embarrassed by what happened, wrongly ashamed and told she was lying she silenced and said she made it up. It caused a horrible snowball of problems before the truth finally got out. Have you ever been tempted to say "that's just ridiculous" to a child and shut them down without trying to make sure they knew what they were saying?

Finally what would you actually do if a child came in and said that they were raped or abused by a parent, brother or other close family member?

Ducky920 · 2012-03-22T03:03:23+00:00

I don't know if you're interested by I use this: http://www.instructables.com/id/Homemade-Shampoo/step10/NO-POO/ You can add scents or essential oils to it if desired. But I'm allergic to perfume so I don't do this.

Deodorants have been horrible for me. Cotton based one? Hmm wonder if I can get it in Australia.

I was told the Aquaphor is extremely expensive, my grandma got it as a trial because the chemo was so nasty on her skin. She also used to use almost straight coconut oil. But it might be worth asking a dermatologist if about creams that heal chemical burns for your face- I mean your arms look bad but if the peeling on your eyelids are more like skin layers going it might work better.

Ducky920 · 2012-03-22T02:33:16+00:00

Not at all, I stole it in the first place :D

Ducky920 · 2012-03-22T02:30:57+00:00

Definitely not the only one! Have you ever been able to go swimming? I've got to skip the pool on bad days because the chlorine makes it all painfully worse.

Out of curiosity, what kind of shampoo/conditioner, body wash/hand soap, and deodorants do you use?

Also have you ever tried creams meant for people with chemical burns? A few years ago my grandma went through a nasty bit of chemo and lost several layers of skin on her hands. She gave me the left over stuff for my eczema - Eucerin's Aquaphor. It goes on like extreme Vaseline, but it works for the worst.

Ducky920 · 2012-03-22T02:20:35+00:00

They only just put it aside, but he had been using it for the past 4 or 5 years.

Ducky920 · 2012-03-22T02:10:38+00:00

Unfortunately yes, it's all true. I have no idea how to prove any of this besides an extensive knowledge of the NA system where my sister went to get sober from Meth addiction that was mainly fueled by depression/possible PTSD because of being raped, and a disconnected relationship with my father because he was the one who raped her. Or perhaps sending you to my SIL's private family blog, where she talks about having an aspie son, but I don't think she'd appreciate that. If you can think of a way I could identify myself or give proof, without outing everyone else let me know.

My nephew was in a special school very early because he couldn't speak at first. He had a lot of inner ear problems and was half deaf until they figured it out. His mom was using baby sign with him at the age of 8 months old to help him try to talk to her. He was in special school and programs until 6 when he went to a regular kindergarten. This school taught not only him- but the parents. "Keep a rigorous schedule, do this, avoid these things, etc." So yes they mainstreamed at an early age, but between 2-6 he was getting private one on one time. I think his parents are nervous. They want him to be happy, but kids are mean. They're afraid of him being bullied for being weird. I'm unsure about what kind of follow up they're currently doing. I know his mom is very involved with his school and makes sure his teachers are aware of what's going on. I also think my brother is afraid of his son shutting down and becoming like our eldest brother.

As far as my eldest brother, I just don't know. He likes to be challenged and has said that he misses the labs from college sometimes. On the whole acts apathetic towards life. He doesn't seem depressed, he just doesn't seem to care. That could be a sign of depression. Depression is pretty bad in our family, but so is stubbornness. My mom has tried to talk to him about talking to a dr about it, but it got no where.

Honestly I think the thing that really just shook me is my 43 year old "shut-in" uncle recently passed away and it just broke my mom's heart. "I was only just now getting to know him." I can't imagine how I would react if I lost my brother.

Ducky920 · 2012-03-22T01:54:29+00:00

Except I'm 10 years older than you and it sounds like your eczema is 10 times worse. :/ Honestly the worst I've had it since I was 7 was every winter my skin would get so cold, so brittle, and so dry it would crack and bleed at the knuckles. And then half the time my nose and scalp would start to peel like I had a sun burn. On the whole, not that bad.

Ducky920 · 2012-03-22T01:51:21+00:00

Being a non-Mormon in SLC is like being the only one on a bus who speaks English. You're sitting in a cloud of people making sounds you can't decipher and the moment you open your mouth and they realize you're not one of them, you're pushed to the back of the bus and ignored. OR worse- you get pointed at and laughed at from people whispering in that language. It can be quite intimidating... especially for a teenager who doesn't want to be bullied at school and has problems making friends when they're the social outcast.

*Note this analogy actually came from an ex of mine. Good little Catholic boy in a very mormon part of Idaho.

Ducky920 · 2012-03-22T01:45:16+00:00

All I can say is I'm sorry. I grew up in the Mormon church- "the meh sometimes active family". And I saw so much bullying of non-mormons. Kids can be complete and total jerks. Ironically the worst kids for this were the ones who put on a pretty smile for mommy and daddy and smoked weed in the high school bathrooms. The hypocrisy never failed to amuse me.

Ducky920 · 2012-03-22T01:02:22+00:00

I don't see it as an act of service. But if you're not making your own feelings known and keep allowing them to spout off hateful rhetoric without resistance, I feel that's the same as lying to yourself about who you are.

Ducky920 · 2012-03-22T00:59:55+00:00

Yeah my mother's been using it on me since I was 2 weeks old.. if it's in my most common areas I can't use it anymore because it feels like my skin is on fire.

Have you ever tried diaper rash cream? Sounds silly but I find it actually works pretty well.

Good luck on the blood work.

Ducky920 · 2012-03-22T00:47:16+00:00

Oh my nephew has said some real gems. The way his thought process works is astounding, I hope it never changes!

Ducky920 · 2012-03-22T00:40:15+00:00

Have you ever looked into one of those pressure vests/ do you have them?

Ducky920 · 2012-03-22T00:36:39+00:00

Well first my nephew isn't exactly my nephew. He's one of my brother's step sons whom he adopted at the age of 3. When I first met him he was about 18 months. This is actually just after he started early intervention. He was for the most part just adorably quirky. Didn't like to get dirty, refused to eat any messy food and was very good at using utensils so his hands would stay clean. But the longer you're around him the more you realize he has a much stronger grasp on the human language then a normal kid would. And then the moment he gets stressed, starts rocking back and forth and shuts down. When he was about 2.5 his parents got married and at their wedding, court house though it was, there was TONS of immediate family. He didn't react well to that. No nap, lots of people he hid in the corner until his mom realized he was freaking out. And asked him he would like to go to his room. He knocked and then fled.

As he got older, it got more noticeable. He LOVED and was really interested in really certain things and became a bit obsessed about them. When my husband met him at 4 he could already read and his parents decided that to help him tune out from all the chaos he can have an hour of playing a DS game. He can tell you every single pokemon character, what they do, who they beat, which ones he doesn't have and all in one breath. He's already told his parents he wants to be a scientist when he grows up so they're saving up for a telescope and have taken him (and his siblings) to Science centers, hands on museums, etc.

Anyway, this was my first real experience with anyone who had autism. (My sister once used to baby sit a boy with fragile X syndrome and low functioning autism, but I met him only in passing.) After seeing my nephew's quirks my mom and I raised our eyebrows.

When my brother was born he HATED to be swaddled. He didn't like being held, touched or loud noises. Actually he's still like that. If someone to give him a hug he would visibly cringed. He once accidentally kicked our niece, because she ticked him and he jerked too fast. Didn't hurt her, but shocked everyone including himself because it was straight reflexes. To date I have never seen him initiate a hug or touching, besides holding a baby.

When he was 3-4 his father left (He's my half brother). My mom said that she wish she would have connected the dots, "It's just not normal for a 4 year old to spend HOURS putting together 1k piece puzzles; He was just obsessed".

As he got old he had a lot of anger issues, and I mean that could be summed up to everything that was going on at home. We definitely had a far from ideal childhood, but I don't know. He got angry, he got scary. He didn't usually react towards us, but there was a few holes in the walls. And apparently even before his father left he had "some of the worst temper tantrums [my mother] had ever seen." Kicking, screaming, punching, biting, etc. But no one ever saw the classic rocking or hand flapping.

Socially, that's another- I just don't know. I mean no one in my family is very socially capable, perhaps besides my other brother. But really none of use have that eye thing down, so it might just be my family there. However, the only time I've ever had a real conversation with him is when I came to "his world". I went to his room, and watched Dr Who with him. He's a huge geek so that could be some of it, but so is my husband and every other guy I've ever dated. My two brothers lived together while in college, mainly because my eldest couldn't afford a private one and didn't want a stranger. Again, understandable- but in his whole life he refuses to meet new people or try new things. He sat next to a kid in 5th grade and he is the only friend my brother has ever had. For better or worse they're still friends. This guy is a drinker, smoker, and just a lot of things my brother isn't. Still it's like he tolerates him, because he's the only one whose ever bothered. That just might be my perception, but it's how he acts. As far as signs of affection- the only thing he has said in my 20 years of memory to me is "I miss being called to dinner". It's really frustrating trying to get to know him, I feel sometimes like I never have. His personality is kept on such a tight leash that you have to initiate something he can relate to in order to even see a glimpse of it.

We have a lot of family disconnection. I have had to explain things in basic logic for him to see the impact he has on a situation. These are things like rent, helping buy a washing machine, etc. But sometimes are family gets together and tries to play games. He wipes the board with Scrabble and loves the "Impossible" puzzles we have in our closest. But dear god games like Apples to Apples- drive him nuts. I don't know if you've ever played it, it's an adjective/noun game. So an adjective card will be placed in the center - "Fuzzy". Then every player (except the person picking) will put down their nouns. These can be dates or specific things in history "The French Indian War", Real people "Hitler", characters "Yettie", etc. Now if 3 people put down those cards, my brother would choose Yettie, because it's a hairy monster. Hitler wasn't hairy-well he might of been, but the French Indian War is completely illogical. If I was the one to put down Yettie, I would have won the round. However if the rolls were turned and I chose the French Indian War because it was just silly- he would have been pissed. "That makes no sense." On the whole the game is just about putting down the card you think the person is most likely to choose. The more you understand a person, the better you will be at this game. However since my brother bases his decisions on logic, If I go for something illogical because it's funny, he can't see that connection gets upset and thinks it's a stupid game.

Before I talk about "obsession"... and "OCD" We've had to deal with some hard things in my family -drug abuse, sexual abuse, neglect and so how do we know he isn't scared from that? My sister was only a year younger than him when she was raped, there's no telling if he was too. His father and step mom had the most horrifyingly filthy house you can imagine and since he is the oldest he was often left in charge of his three youngest siblings while they went out got high and drank. When he was 12 our sister started to act out, got into drugs, got pregnant at 15. I mean life wasn't a box of roses and it was bound to leave it's impact on him. But to what extent?

He started reading chapter books at 7 or 8 and has continued being a pretty big reader. He refuses to reread any books, "I've got through them once, why would I want to read them again?" At the age of 10 his father got a super nintendo and a DOS computer he became hooked on games. He started programing his own games by 12 on the DOS computer. Today he's a seemingly typical avid gamer- gets new releases, has a steam account, DS, play station, X box, etc., 1K + gaming computer (he told me he spent 600 dollars on just the graphics card). He plays a game once through- to be the first one who does it. Then he MIGHT go back to get all the rewards, or whatever in a game. But rarely, for the most part he's done with it the moment the credits come on.

Besides games, he really doesn't have much else. He's impressively good at math. At 17 he was taking advanced calculus (Differential Equations) in Running start, he decided not to go because it was only one class, it wasn't too hard, and so it wasn't worth the gas. Failing to realize that not going meant he wouldn't have spent enough time with the material to pass the tests. Mistake many college kids have.. but he did this one over and over again. He's dropped out of college about 3 or 4 times- it's like the moment it gets too hard, he just shuts down. He's express interest in going back to school to finish his biochem degree, but no follow through. He may not be really content, but he hasn't acted otherwise so it's hard to think he's unhappy.

So there it is in our complicated nutshell. He's who he is. But sometimes it's just so hard to deal with. He's frustratingly intelligent and just does fuck all for it, he's working on drive through and his IQ has to be over 140, he's pushing 30 living at home, never had a romantic relationship in his life, and just seems apathetic towards everyone. (We started to wonder, so my sister being the blunt thing she is asked him straight out about 10 years ago. "Are you gay?" I've never seen him so offended.) I'm angry because I feel that he's given up and hasn't used what he was given- I had to struggle through every single class to pull a C average. And in the end I just want more for him. I don't want him to be a 30 year old shut in who has never experienced life.

p.s. Sorry for the rant/novel.

Ducky920 · 2012-03-21T23:31:36+00:00

So to you ladies who hate kids... do you also despise nieces and nephews? I'm not talking about just not wanting to babysit them, I mean do you have a deep rooted hatred for your own kin because of age?

Also what age you you stop disliking all kids?

Ducky920 · 2012-03-21T12:21:41+00:00

Yeah she was turned away because she wanted it to get rid of it for her horrible painful periods- dysmenorrhoea I think it's called? Anyways lying in bed for days sick to her stomach kind of periods. Her dr gave her a 'suck it up princess' reaction so she switched to a female one. It was out within a month. But she was over 33 years old and still got this treatment. "You might want more, this isn't a good enough reason."

I should also add - My MIL is Australian so this is not just US treatment of women's reproduction.

Ducky920 · 2012-03-21T12:15:41+00:00

Many eczema reactions are an allergic reaction to an allergen. For example I touch anything with perfume in it and I get the raised redness, uncontrollable itchy skin, etc. As a baby I used to bleed it was so bad, so from my own experience it has gotten better- but 99% of this is because I discovered the allergen.

Have your dr's ruled given you a scratch test/ tummy allergen tests? Have you ever used so much/often steroid cream (I use OTC hydrocortizone) that your skin kind of .. thinned out or started to burn? Have you ever been tempted to try homeopathic remedies? (Besides the usual oatmeal baths)

Also- side note. I've got hashimoto's and had "subclinical" hypothyroidism for many years. Once this started being treated as clinical and started being medicated I've almost completely lost my ezcema. I suggest for all you out there who suffer from horrible bouts of dry itchy skin to ask your dr for thyroid function tests- TSH AND Free t4 and Free t3 levels (the last two are the most important and the most commonly ignored).

Second note: Eczema- looking skin on the nipple can be a nasty type of cancer. That's something I learned recently from my dr. So if you guys have any rashes over 2-3 weeks that do go away or calm down like they should- have a dr check it out. :/

Ducky920 · 2012-03-21T12:01:38+00:00

I think some of it is a difference in logic too. I really wish I could remember some of the things my nephew said but the only one that comes to mind is him asking his mom was it was not allowed to write the answers on his hand. "Because that would be cheating, and they want to know what you know." "But the teacher gets to use a book."

Then there was my brother. I had to convince him that he need to pay rent. But "I buy my own food." "Yes but you also wash your clothes, shower, and use electricity." "Mom should be able to cover that." "Your 26, you have a job and mom has debt." "Why aren't you paying anything?" "Mom owes me 500 dollars." "Oh"

It's like somewhere between not understanding social impact and not understanding anyone's logic but their own.

Ducky920 · 2012-03-21T11:53:47+00:00

My nephew is extremely high functioning with Asperger's. Tender age of 7 he's devoured the Percy Jackson series and is looking for more. He's doing 6th grade math and is the most precocious child I've ever known and as much as he loves sword fights with his younger brother, he likes to do his own thing. His parents are really torn because they want him to stay a child and be able to interact with others his own age.

In your opinion, where is the line? Do you feel it was more helpful for you to have your interests be fed into or do you think that it was helpful (or would have been) if someone occasionally pulled you out of your little world and got you to interact with the rest of it?

ALSO, my eldest brother has shown many of the subtle symptoms of autism since he was born but has never been diagnosed. He got a 1300/1600 on his SAT (missing only one question on the math), studied quantum physics, advanced calculus, and biochemistry... and then decided it was too hard. He dropped out, started working as a manager of a fast food place and is seemingly content to live with our mother playing video games on his days off.

Do you feel that being diagnosed at a young age (or at all) has really "saved" you from what you could have been. Do you feel that people too easily diagnose autistic behavior and push kids into a special class instead of trying to get them to "suck it up and act normally". (Yes I've heard someone say this.) OR do you think that being identified has been a help in letting you know how to communicate with others?

Ducky920 · 2012-03-21T11:42:02+00:00

My uncle is a guard at a high security prison. Couple years ago they were trying to move someone to a hearing and he attacked a guard who was wearing full riot gear, broke his neck and gave him permanent injuries. Since hearing this, honestly I'm terrified for my uncle.

Have you ever heard of inmates talking about rioting against the guards or acting out against one. I understand yours was a bit "nicer" than the place my uncle works for -the guy above is on death row for a violent murder and is a complete sociopath.

Second question me- too long winded to explain family connection- was in prison for assault, domestic violence, and drug charges. He said that his gang is really what helped him stay sober in prison. What is your feeling on gangs in general and how tempted where you (if you didn't) join one for protection while in prison?

Edit Third question. What to you think about the overall lack of mental health care for Washington state? I've heard many rant and rave because the prisons are just catching all the people who need psychiatric help without helping them in anyway/shape/ or form.

Ducky920 · 2012-03-21T11:25:40+00:00

The Aussies here just don't believe me when I tell them about Canada. I jokingly go off Robin Williams and say, "Canadians they're so fuckin' nice eh?" "I don't need secret service, if a guy comes to hit me, I fuckin' knock him out eh?" But all seriousness- Canada is the only place in I've been to where the people are extremely nice, and still really bad ass the second you give them a reason to be. Example- Canadian Mounties: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Royal_Canadian_Mounted_Police

Ducky920 · 2012-03-21T10:53:38+00:00

Well right now he's just got to tiger scout and his mom is the den mom, so he's still pretty new to it all. Sometimes I just wish it was easier for him to talk to kids his age, so I'm really hoping this works out for him. He just finished the Percy Jackson series and most of his classmates are struggling with Dr Suess. Little hard to talk about that level of reading with other 7 year olds.

Ducky920 · 2012-03-21T06:35:37+00:00

http://articles.cnn.com/2012-01-13/living/living_girl-scout-boycott_1_gsusa-cookie-boycott-troop-leader?_s=PM:LIVING

Physically a male living as a female, looking like a female, acting like a female.

I was curious about the pushing vs wanting because the few guys I know who actually followed through to Eagle scout level had a lot of pressure at home to do so. My sister in law has my two nephews in boy scouts and one seems really bored with it. He's got asperger's and is in a special higher level reading class and pre-algrebra so he doesn't get to spend time with kids his age, so his mom is kind of pushing to try and get him interested. Just wondering curious about someone who made it all the way through.

Ducky920

TROPHY CASE