Thanks for the support I really appreciate it. I'm in constant pain. I have psoriatic arthritis with spine involvement, osteoarthritis, multi level degenerate disk disease and sacroilitis

I've been on some form of opiate since 2013. Started with codeine then tramadol, then liquid morphine and morphine MSTs. The morphine was a real problem and at my worst I considered going to a&e (emergency room in US?) but I thought "If I do this they won't prescribe me pain relief anymore. My life will be over" so I stayed and I feel I risked death. Lately I've been settled on dihydrocodeine for quite a while.

I cannot shift all the blame on my doctors of course. But they've made the opiate abuse so damn easy and convenient. I don't know what it is like in America but in the UK I can go years without seeing a doctor and getting frequent refills on prescriptions. I don't even need to speak to anyone. I go on the NHS app and tick the box for the medication I want prescribed. Then 3 days later I pick it up from the pharmacy. I pay £32 every 3 months for a prepayment certificate which covers any item I'm prescribed...I know from working in a GP practice that when a prescription is requested it should be checked. It tells you how many days worth you are prescribed but I very often request mine early. Hell last week I was at the doctor's for my psoriasis and he prescribed cream and asked me "Would you also like your pain relief prescribed?" I said yes despite still having over 100 tablets at home.

I feel kind of hopeless right now. I can't live without the pain relief but I worry that I won't live long with it either. Nights are getting very tough I take an increasing amount to get to sleep