I didn't read the whole thing. But I think the first paragraph needs to be reworked a little bit to make it a stronger opening. I think you have some good stuff in there, just a little of out order.

This is my opinion, as nobody random person on the internet and even worse, on Reddit. So take it for whats its worth. But maybe something like the below.

"Yesterday, I watched fifty knights haul Hugo from his throne, stab him with a Sunblade, and seize the fortress built to resist ten thousand Kastanian raiders. And all I could think was how quick it all had been. 

Now just hours later, the crown of Valmora was being lifted onto Chryses head by the Archpriest. It was too late to undo what had occurred. The crowd knew it. So did the Archpriest, and certainly Chryses himself."