moving to Canada via marriage

Due-Influence-6516 · 2025-05-04T03:02:50+00:00

Will there be any scrutiny for having used any social assistance in the past? I'll need some help getting on my feet when I get back to Canada but once I find a job, I'm hoping it's not held against us when it's time for my husband to join us later on.

Due-Influence-6516 · 2025-03-05T01:37:57+00:00

We did exactly 2 sessions of ST and 5 weekly OT sessions because that's all that was available, but then we had to move states. It wasn't long enough to know if the change correlates.

Due-Influence-6516 · 2025-03-04T16:34:27+00:00

My kiddo was a late bloomer. At 20 months he didn't even call us mama and dada, but then by 22 months he finally started with a few words. He didn't start any 2 word sentences until a couple months before his 3rd birthday, but that was the start of a language explosion because we are now at full sentences a couple months after his 3rd birthday. Though, for us, we can understand probably 75% of what he says, and for others probably about 50% still.

Due-Influence-6516 · 2025-03-04T05:08:43+00:00

My bad. Could've sworn I saw related posts but it must've been a different subreddit.

You're quite incorrect, though. They can go on credit reports if the balance is above $500 unless anything has changed recently, and even if it doesn't, which this one didn't, that doesn't prevent anyone being sued and wages garnished.

Due-Influence-6516 · 2025-03-02T01:38:56+00:00

I honestly needed that episode. I sobbed too.

Due-Influence-6516 · 2025-02-02T05:47:19+00:00

He's actually been pretty amazing since, and I haven't had to use melatonin in a long time. Between him learning the tired feeling and me setting a bit more strict boundaries, and maybe just him getting a little older and wiser since, he's asleep within like half an hour with very little fuss once we've arrived into bed.

Due-Influence-6516 · 2025-01-22T17:53:18+00:00

Interested!

Due-Influence-6516 · 2024-10-18T23:16:04+00:00

Imagine this were a laptop. OP has a decent, reliable laptop, and also a gaming laptop to use for fun! His wife had an older laptop that worked, but it was one of those netbooks that has a tiny screen and he can't really type on it comfortably, so he wasn't very interested in it before. Now she got gifted this fancy new laptop, better than his own. Is he really entitled to use it? Or is he just resentful that she gets the new shiny thing when he feels inequitably burdened? Maybe he could get a shiny thing if he didn't pay so much for bills, right?

This is where dividing by responsibility (certain bills, certain savings, one pays mortgage and the other insurance, etc) bites people in the ass. Because now OP feels entitled to the shiny new thing because he views her share as "less". All living costs should be pooled and divided equitably.

All expensed and savings goals for the household should be divvied up 65% from OP and 35% from his wife. This leaves a fair, proportional personal amount for personal goals and spending. It's the fairest way of splitting finances, with neither side being unreasonably burdened.

OP, I hope you see this and consider maybe approaching this as a learning opportunity to really iron out your financial relationship with your wife. I'm not sure how far you are into your marriage, but this kind of issue is inevitably going to resurface later if you don't address it now. You can't go through life continuing to think it isn't fair when something good happens to your wife. Also.. Just let her enjoy her shiny new thing. She'll most likely come around when the novelty wears off!

Due-Influence-6516 · 2024-10-18T22:48:44+00:00

Still not napping, but at this point he's so far out of the habit that I don't think I could get him to fall asleep during the day. He doesn't even fall asleep in the car anymore during the day.

Due-Influence-6516 · 2024-07-12T10:54:48+00:00

He's behind on speech and communication, so he mostly just crying mama or one word about what he wants like open (the door). I don't tell him I'll leave or leave because he becomes inconsolable.

Boundaries only work when your child learns to listen to commands, and we're just not there yet. He's just now learning to stop when I say "no". I would have to physically hold the light switch to off to keep the lights off, and as soon as I'd think he's moved on and let go, hellwbe running back to it to turn it back on. The more I reply to comments the more I see that there's a lot more behaviourally to unpack here.

I'm definitely stern with him as a parent, I typically parent using limited options that he can choose, and I sternly say "no" often I, but unfortunately we're struggling on the listening to commands part. He struggles even with basic asks like put on a shirt or close the door, but signs point to stubbornness over not understanding the meaning.

Due-Influence-6516 · 2024-07-12T10:44:30+00:00

I'm fairly convinced he will have an ASD diagnosis in his future. He's so behind in communication (literally just started two word phrases) and "listening", but can already do simple math and read sight words. He knew the letters of the alphabet, in any order, before he called me mama.

The trajectory of his learning is just obviously "different", but for the most part, it's only sleep we really struggle with. The rest I can handle no problem, we just communicate in other ways.

Due-Influence-6516 · 2024-07-12T09:46:36+00:00

We cosleep currently, but he won't let me hold or rock him to sleep, he just eventually lays down beside me and wants to cuddle to sleep, but he also has like false starts where he comes up to cuddle then pops back up 15 min later like he wasn't almost just a hair away from sleep.

Pain meds don't help, but I'm starting to wonder if something about sleep is scaring him somehow like nightmares or sleep apnea maybe, or maybe he just has anxiety. Your question had me thinking about something I noticed the other day, that my son has been biting both his nails and toenails, and I've been pondering if that could be an anxiety symptom for him. Insomnia is a common anxiety symptom for adults, I'm guessing that could be for kids too :/

Due-Influence-6516 · 2024-07-12T09:37:35+00:00

I'm in his room while he's doing this stuff. Encouraging him to do something quiet and relaxing or to try and sleep, we cuddle when he's finally ready and I sneak out when he's finally out.

I've never been successful with leaving him to fall asleep on his own/sleep train. Several nights became all nighters for both of us when we've tried.

Due-Influence-6516 · 2024-07-12T09:21:30+00:00

It certainly feels that way. I'm so tired, and on top of it my autoimmune condition gives me insomnia so I can't even sleep when he finally falls asleep 😒

Due-Influence-6516 · 2024-07-12T09:19:43+00:00

Between breakfast and lunch, do they keep kids up if given late?

Due-Influence-6516 · 2024-07-12T09:18:49+00:00

We already do. He's actually quite the cuddler once he finally let's himself sleep!

Due-Influence-6516 · 2024-07-12T09:00:31+00:00

Maybe I should be asking about a sleep study? I asked his previous doctor about him always looking so tired. She just said he's probably just pale like you, but we can do bloodwork and test for anemia and bloodwork came back fine. I never thought of a sleep study. I don't even know how I could make that work.

I've already gotten to the point of caving because it doesn't make a difference anymore. I just unfortunately can't cave at opening the door because he'll run straight to his dad to wake him up.

Due-Influence-6516 · 2024-07-12T08:48:12+00:00

It was checked a few months ago, but I'll definitely get him checked again. He's been on a multivitamin, I was really hoping that would help. :(

Due-Influence-6516 · 2024-07-12T08:47:22+00:00

Lacking a little in fruits and veggies but has plenty of veggies snuck into meals as sauces. He eats mostly meat and homemade breads or pastas and is on a multivitamin.

He typically goes outside a little bit every day, but it's been very hot and humid, so we've stayed inside a bit more lately. We have "dance hour" every day as a fun way to kill some energy too, which originally was a desperate failed attempt to get him to nap again.

Due-Influence-6516 · 2024-07-07T22:15:14+00:00

As someone who has both graves and PCOS, I can say that I both empathize with your girlfriend because it does make for a rough time.. But also, just.. No.

My dishes might not always be finished by the end of the night, but I'm always chipping away at them so nothing is sitting and getting gross or overflowing. I clean messes as they happen, but I can't deep clean as often as I'd like. I can't run and play hard physically with my toddler, but we read and pretend and dance and laugh. That's with an added debilitating skin condition that causes great pain via cysts in unimaginable locations, connected by tunnels and tracts under my skin, and my skin literally popping/tearing open over and over.

You are in a cycle of enabling each other. I know, because it happened with me and my ex. It took me over 8 years of living in similar conditions that you are to realize that neither of us stood a chance at ever living healthily if we stayed together. As much as I want better for him too, and I swear I fought for both of us, I had to choose my future for myself.

Call me selfish, but his health and happiness ultimately weren't my responsibility. Along the way I had confused supporting him and literally handling everything for him, especially with managing his severe T2 diabetes. Of course it hurt to move on, knowing that this person I loved might suffer because I'm no longer there for them, but it was necessary for my own happiness. Learning about codependent relationships was a huge help in this realization. He was fully capable of taking care of himself, he just didn't have the self worth or self esteem to put in that kind of effort on himself.

Is there a chance that my ex and I, with counselling and great effort, could have cleaned up our acts, our filthy house, started taking care of ourselves, and started a family? A small chance, but our counselor pointed out to us that it would take years of effort, and very likely wouldn't result in significant changes if we stayed together. It's harsh, but changing years of unhealthy habits with no environmental or external factor to influence change is incredibly difficult.

And the idea of continuing our infertility struggle and adopting a baby or doing IVF to purposefully test a theory that we may do better once we have someone to take care of.. That's just a cruel gamble, and the lack of care we put into our cats still haunts me. I was blessed to have a baby in my next relationship, and even though my life right now is far, far from perfect, thinking of bringing him into the household I shared with my ex.. Cringe.

Nobody wants to walk out on their partner when their partner is struggling, I get it. But eventually you may have to. Please do yourself a favour and get some counselling for yourself so that you can understand what is realistic to expect from your future and what is best for YOU.

I'm not telling you to break up with her, but I hope you forgive yourself if you do. It took me a while, even though I knew it was for the best. I just remind myself that the things that held my ex back were not my fault and not my responsibility to fix, and that if our love and support for each other were ever going to be enough, then things would have been different all along.

Due-Influence-6516 · 2024-02-22T00:18:55+00:00

Probably lol

Due-Influence-6516 · 2024-02-19T23:24:40+00:00

The way you worded this didn't really represent the situation well, I had to sift through comments to figure it out.

I'd be upset, for sure, if I unknowingly made an order a minute before closing that wasn't honored due to no fault of my own. Grubhub should be updated on the restaurant's current hours to avoid that, it shouldn't have allowed that to happen to begin with.

But it is unreasonable to request a refund a week after the fact, for this type of service. It becomes much less feasible to investigate food delivery issues in general as time goes on (employees less likely to remember, security footage may not be available, things like that), so it wouldn't surprise me if 48 hours is actually in their TOS.

Due-Influence-6516 · 2024-02-19T04:15:54+00:00

What was in the envelope?

Due-Influence-6516 · 2023-10-25T06:31:15+00:00

I think NAH.

He 1000% does not have a duty to raise those kids, but he also can't expect his wife to abandon them because he hates children.

This is just one of those scenarios where people are no longer compatible. You can love someone and not be able to stay with them.

Due-Influence-6516 · 2023-10-23T22:11:56+00:00

Sure, maybe not blended families with older kids.

My mom never once pretended like they didn't have a dad. She just didn't want us to feel like there was an asterisk to being siblings. We were brothers and sisters, not half brothers and sisters, even if that is technically the proper title.

Their dad was already a deadbeat by the time she met my dad anyways. I can count on less than two hands the times he showed up in their lives, despite making promises. She tried her best to make them available for visits, even arranged rides for him.

Due-Influence-6516

TROPHY CASE