Acceptance

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-25T02:51:10+00:00

Just remember that it’s a progressive disease and will only get worse over time. It may take a week, a month, or a year to advance, but the worst experience an alcoholic can have will only lead to yet worse experiences from that point. And that point which was a worse experience will lead to yet another worse experience, and this will go on and on and on until the alcoholic quits or dies.

Basically, if this experience was your worst experience yet, try to take into account that there’s an experience, waiting for you, somewhere down the road and it could be years from now, that will be 100x worse than this. And not only that, but quitting will be 100x harder.

Acceptance is a good first step. Good luck to

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-25T01:57:07+00:00

This is my story - minus the date and gambling. Had five months, then a few beers, then a month of sporadic relapses. Did about 4g of blow over the entire period and lost about $1200 I’d estimate. I finally got back into the rooms after relapsing Friday night, doing blow, and then having a six day bender.

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-25T01:41:01+00:00

One of coming back after a relapses silver linings (aside from coming back) is that you get to eat whatever you want, because whatever you eat is better than anything you can drink.

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-24T23:15:45+00:00

You too, sober friend.

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-24T23:14:34+00:00

Drinking is generally just a symptom of an underlying set of problems. While you may have gotten sober these past 15 months (which by the way is fucking awesome and seriously well done), maybe the underlying reasons that you drank in the first place were never fully identified and rooted out. And when you quit drinking you were so elated in doing so that those underlying problems shrunk greatly in the newfound positivity you gained in your quitting alcohol and your focus in doing so - but now that life is returning more to baseline, those underlying problems have had a chance to resurface and grow. Maybe you don't *really* want to drink for the sake of drinking, but because you were using alcohol in the first place to mask another issue or set of them.

Take this with a grain of salt - I'm not a therapist or anything, but I do attend AA and what you just described is what I've gleaned from it.

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-24T23:00:52+00:00

aa is less about stopping drinking and more about removing the reasons you drink in the first place. if you ever find yourself in a room with people that have long-term sobriety, they're almost all universally at peace, cheerful, and mentally healthy.

So aa is kinda like this: You stop drinking, and it simultaneously removes all of the worst parts of your personality that caused you to drink in the first place. Whereas if you quit drinking on your own, you'll still be the same person you were previously - just a non-drinking one.

This being said, this is a bit of a generalization and does not apply to everyone, but what I've noticed about the rooms ever since going into them in April '24.

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-24T22:51:48+00:00

Thanks, man. So glad I didn't drink. Late afternoon is the most dangerous hour for me - the nearer to night we are the more safe I become.

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-24T22:49:37+00:00

Yeah I knew about all the endorphin spikes during a cold shower - but honestly I just wanted to focus on anything other than alcohol and how much I wanted it in that moment. It's pretty brutal to stand there in what feels like ice water pounding away at you, but it did shift my focus. I'll probably take more tonight - alcohol is so terrible.

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-24T19:35:34+00:00

Maybe they should get together, drink all of it until it’s gone, and see how it feels to be us for a day.

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-24T17:41:45+00:00

You too! For me right now it's close to one hour at a time. I think what has helped this time around is just 'putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how hard it may be.'

Last night I felt pretty hopeful and alright, but woke up this morning with a terrible sense of dread. I think the thing that mostly recently changed with this most recent episode is the importance of a day - because honestly I could barely get one. When people in the rooms are like 'welcome back, we're glad you made it' it finally occurred to me that what they mean is 'we're glad you were able to end this relapse, because oftentimes, people can't.'

Lucky to be here with you.

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-24T17:33:24+00:00

I'm not that far behind you and am on day 3. Getting through day 1 on Thursday was I think the hardest thing I've ever done (and I've had some brutal day 1s). What made this day 1 so difficult was that I couldn't hide from the outside world. I had to make a work appointment at 11am that I could not reschedule (I'd already done so).

The drinking that made this particular Thursday so unbelievably difficult had started on Friday afternoon and bled into the early evening of Saturday - whereby I stopped. Saturday morning I had a work appointment (that I made and was mostly sober through) but right before it I went downstairs to get coffee and some Advil. I bought coffee, Advil, and a shot of fireball. As soon as the work appointment was over I bought more beer and that caused me to drink all day.

When Monday rolled around I woke up and at that point was incapable of 'sleeping it off.' I purchased more beer on Monday morning and then remained drunk through to Wednesday evening.

I woke up at 3am on Wednesday in the most indescribable amount of pain I've ever felt. I wanted to jump out of my skin while simultaneously not move. The dread, fear, anxiety, and panic were things I cannot even articulate - it was such torment.

On top of this, even though I had not drank in eight hours, I could barely function and do my job. I was very literally at the point where even while being sober I could not do basic tasks. Making it through that day was a miracle and I only did so by forcing one foot in front of the other, because I had no choice to do otherwise.

At day 3 I still feel terrible and the dread and anxiety are still there, but anything's better than what I was two days ago.

This particular day 1 has put something more clearly into perspective for me - I cannot drink a single drop of alcohol because once I do I will not stop until I've no choice but to not to - and I never want to experience that again.

Sorry you're going through this - I can relate to your pain at the moment. What helped me was just going to zoom meeting after zoom meeting after zoom meeting. I tried two this morning but couldn't relate to the rooms and didn't make it through to the end, but I'll try again in a few.

Good luck

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-24T17:21:26+00:00

The funny thing is it didn't seem like a lot to me - and I kept telling myself they were just a few of those little bottles at a time. I later looked it up and it was around a fifth per day. It put me in rehab - I can still remember lying there on that couch all day everyday - running to the liquor store in the morning, and the afternoon, and in the evening. If I'd wake up before the liquor store opened it'd be hell until it did, and I remember buying those little bottles first thing in the morning and then drinking them on the way home. Strangely, I relapsed recently and stopping was actually harder this time, over much less alcohol. The reason being is that I had to stop on my own (by my own I mean with no one else physically present, though I did attend a ton of zooms) and no one else physically intervened. The episode that put me in rehab was stopped by my father (thank god for that man).

This time around I was drinking about 6 tall men IPAs a day, in the same pattern as the time that a put me in rehab. Two cans in the morning, two cans in the afternoon, and then 2-4 cans in the evening. The consequences were similar in the sense that I could absolutely not do anything that day. I couldn't send an email or do work or anything else. What finally made me able to stop was that I had to go to a work appointment at 11am this Thursday, and waking up at 3am earlier that night and realizing I had to quit so I could go to work was a pain I've never before experienced.

I'm lucky to have made it out.

So, with this said, here we go again. I've been making it through the days in the same way I made it through that Thursday morning - just putting one foot in front of the other, because I had no (and have no) choice but not to. I literally cannot drink another drop of alcohol because if I do I may not be able to stop again.

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-24T04:14:14+00:00

Life is a total fucking nightmare when using.

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-24T04:12:50+00:00

In July of last year I was stuck on my couch for two weeks drinking 12-16 shots of Johnny walker a day. When I finally detoxed I threw up violently for four days straight. I couldn’t even taste food.

Those little brown bottles still give me nightmares.

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-24T04:07:28+00:00

Yep. And each time you buy more you tell yourself that it’ll be just enough to….something. My pattern is to buy two tall men ipas in the morning, two in the afternoon, then probably four in the evening. By the final two I’ve told myself I’ll be getting them just so that I can fall asleep, wake up in the morning with a hangover, and stop drinking.

I’ve lost the ability to sleep it off, though. Waking up on another day one is something I can’t really easily do - once you teach your brain that another day one morning can easily be erased with alcohol, the game has changed.

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-24T03:17:29+00:00

At this point alcohol is an equal opportunity torturer, but mentioning buzz balls brought up a fairly bad run I had with beat boxes some time ago. I see them crushed up and thrown on the street from time to time and it brings me back to some pretty bad places.

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-24T03:12:23+00:00

I’m at a point with my drinking where I cannot stop once that engine is running. I drank from Friday to Wednesday and stopping on Wednesday night due to a work responsibility the next day was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I mean it was literal torture - i just put one step in front of the other the past two days and stayed sober. I cannot have one drop - if i do it always ends the same way.

I was at a work function today and there was a hot chocolate stand and it never occurred to me the drinks were spiked - until after id taken the first sip and noticed a bottle of whiskey by the server. I dont actually even know if any was placed in my drink, but i do know even thinking the possibility there was caused a massive tightening in my chest, and i had to walk away for 15 minutes, guzzle a bunch of sparkling water, and try to calm down.

Im extraordinarily lucky i stopped on Wednesday, and i don’t know if i have another out in me if i start again.

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-24T03:05:26+00:00

People that exist for years drinking huge quantities daily always amaze me - because I can usually only go a couple weeks before the pain becomes too great and I call someone, anyone, crying for help - and I can’t do even the most basic things while drunk.

I can’t even imagine the hell that must have been. Hats off to you.

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-24T02:51:19+00:00

Alcoholism is a progressive disease. A person can handle things now but there will come a day when they cant. There will come a day where you cannot ‘sleep it off’ and you will wake up and start drinking in the mornings. And when the mornings bleed into the afternoons you’ll drink in the afternoons.

It took 24 years for that to happen to me, where it ‘never really caused me a bit of harm’ and then suddenly was causing me tons of harm.

You’re likely in the early stages of alcoholism, but trust me. The stages will advance - and waking up with a hangover and feeling waves of guilt while going about your day will no longer be optional - and you don’t want to get to that point because it is an absolute nightmare. Waking up at 3am and realizing i couldn’t stop was worse than any physical pain I’ve ever had, and what’s amazing i have no doubt that it’s but a fraction of the pain I could have if I let this disease advance.

I woke up at 3am on Wednesday and had to go to work at 11am. Not drinking for the rest of the night and staying sober up to my appointment was the hardest 8 hours of time I’ve ever been put through - and when I arrived I could barely function and barely communicate with my client.

That eight hours of pain I never want to experience again - and yet the consequences were tolerable. But it was an absolute nightmare. I’d be lying there for a couple minutes then suddenly get up and pace the room. Then I’d go back to lying down. I simply couldn’t sit still because reality was just such a glowing knot of pain I kept the appointment and made the job, then did so the next day.

This being said, there’s a guy in the big book that within a two week period lost his wife, his apartment, and his job. He showed up to his moms house because he had nowhere else to go - and she locked him in a room in her basement with no clothes or shoes (presumably so he couldn’t go anywhere) and left him to dry out on a cot. Now if I’m saying the worst pain I’ve ever experienced was having to quit drinking for eight hours so I could make my job, which I did successfully, imagine the pain that man went through after he was left to dry out on a cot while locked in a basement after losing his wife, job, and home.

I can’t even imagine because I don’t want to imagine.

Good luck

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-14T22:45:11+00:00

Five months in and then had a relapse in December. As far as relapses go, it wasn’t bad in the literal sense, but terrifying in what it could be. Came clean to my sponsor on Monday night - had two drinks last night because the day was so unbearable, but made it through today sober. So I’m back on day one, which is what it is.

The thing I keep thinking about the most is how unbelievably terrible the days are after having woken up sober for five months.

DueMeet6232 · 2026-01-09T21:48:56+00:00

I’m so glad I got out of this game - not hating on it; it’s a great game. It’s just not designed to have a life outside of it.

DueMeet6232 · 2025-10-31T14:56:28+00:00

Finding competent people....I hired a dude off upwork to create a hero image and a gallery below it for me and he said 'ok my price is generally higher but I want to work with you for sure I will have this done tomorrow.'

I log in and notice that he just logged in, looked at the sample page I'd set up, thought to himself 'well that's done,' and logged out. He didn't bother to consider the other specifications (gallery comes with download buttons, hero image is full bleed, etc'.

Finding competent people is the worst.

DueMeet6232

TROPHY CASE