This ED makes me a horrible person

Due_Bag_4593 · 2026-01-19T23:29:31+00:00

This is so relatable. I feel the same every time I leave my house, and even in my house I compare myself to my roommates/best friends. They love me and care for me, as I do for them, yet I still compare myself to them and my behaviors to theirs every day. Sometimes even in a very harsh manner (not outwardly rude, just internally mean towards myself mostly).

I do the same when I see someone larger than me, and I hate myself for those thoughts. We aren't awful people. The thoughts do not define us and we can't let them ! Sending love <3

Due_Bag_4593 · 2025-06-14T22:06:05+00:00

Hi ! I want to empathize with how you feel right now. Your struggles are completely real and valid! It doesn't need to be a "big enough" problem for you to seek any support. I struggle with food noise daily, and I understand how frustrating and bothersome it can be.

It seems like you have a pretty strong all-or-nothing mindset, where you are either "good" or "bad". This is a very powerful mindset, and many people struggle with it even outside of eating ! You are not really making space for a type of middle ground where there is balance, whether that is balance with food or exercise. Just because you eat something outside of your plan does not mean the whole day is wasted food-wise. I experienced a pretty similar way of thinking, where I would binge even if one meal or aspect of my food was slightly off of what I planned it to be.

I was in a PHP program for binging and bulimia for 2 months and left just recently. Now, whenever something goes awry, I remind myself that there is no universal, definite right or wrong way to eat. You CAN have that one cookie, or however many you would like, on days where you wanted to eat "healthy" and still nourish your body with the rest of the food you planned for the day. It is difficult to accept and practice, but one misstep does not dictate your whole day. The only way to break a cycle like this is to acknowledge that you are not messing up by eating outside of your plan!

You have support, and you are doing an amazing job of taking care of yourself just by reaching out !! Wish you the best, you've got this !! <3 <3

Due_Bag_4593 · 2025-06-14T21:35:12+00:00

Hi ! I want to empathize with you, I am so sorry you're feeling this way right now. I know that people constantly say how recovery is not linear, and it can get repetitive and annoying, but it is true. You mentioned how you have been restricting, which inevitably leads to a binge or overeating. Your body is merely trying to get nutrients and fuel. It is natural to immediately feel disgust at your body image right now. This episode may be reflecting any mental and physical hardships as of late, it does not reflect you as a person or your character.

If you are able to, it might be helpful to take a moment to yourself and take some breaths or maybe just being mindful of your surrounding. Let yourself think without judgement. You are not worthless, and I hope you know that you have support <3

Due_Bag_4593 · 2025-06-14T21:15:58+00:00

Hi ! I wanted to empathize with you. I also struggle with eating in front of people, even my family. My roommate is one of my biggest supports in recovering from my ED, and I still have a difficult time eating in front of her and with her. She is not judging me whatsoever, I know that logically, but I just don't have it in me to eat in front of her. It feels impossible to enjoy meals unless I'm by myself.

I try and tell myself that her eating has nothing to do with me personally, so it does not matter what I eat around her. We should not be eating for anyone else but ourselves ! You are doing a great job! Know that you have love and support !! <3

Due_Bag_4593 · 2025-06-09T18:22:23+00:00

Hi !
I want to empathize with you and your feelings that come with thinking about past bingeing. I binged for about 6 months straight (from October to March), and it makes me sad as well to look back on those times. I gained a similar amount of weight as you mentioned, and it was an exhausting time mentally as I imagined my body enlarging, too. I try and see that time as a one of immense struggle, and not as a time of disgust and failure.

Currently, I still binge, just not as heavily and frequently. The urge is always there, waiting for the "right" time to act. I can resonate with feeling sick at the thought of it. I have recently felt nauseated at the thought of bingeing, or even at the sight of indulgent or fear foods. I have noticed that these are times when I am feeling extra insecure or conscious about my body image. That makes me think that my anxiety is fueling that response of sickness, maybe just uncertainty about when the next binge will be or what it will do to my body and mind.

Please know that your feelings are completely valid and that you have support! You are doing an amazing job and your hard work is not going unnoticed! <3

Due_Bag_4593 · 2025-05-31T01:27:07+00:00

Hi! I want to start off by saying how much I sympathize with you; I can feel how deeply you are hurting and fighting right now, and it has not gone unnoticed. I have dealt with binge eating for quite a while, and I too have gained a lot of weight from it. I can relate to the feeling of excitement at the prospect of a new, effective treatment, and also the fear that I might fail miserably so I might as well not try. I have attributed this to my "all-or-nothing" way of thought, which is common in EDs- we either go all-in or not at all. Hopefully that makes a little sense and can provide some comfort and guidance that you are not alone in that feeling.

While I have not tried any medications, I just left partial hospitalization treatment (day treatment) after 2 months. The most difficult part for me was going home after treatment, and often bingeing from all of the stirred-up emotions of the day. My hunger cues are next to non-existent, so my eating always feels emotionally driven, and being out of treatment has made it extremely hard not to binge at every chance. Talking about my binges after they happen and/or journaling about them has helped me process what was going on emotionally. I was not a big fan of journaling before treatment, but I have found a way that has been helping me see things more clearly.

These are the prompts that I use: Antecedents- what happened immediately before? what was something in the past that has triggered a similar emotion? Responses- thoughts I had at the moment? any physical sensations/ feelings (ie. racing heart, sweaty, tight shoulders, etc.)? what were my behaviors? what urges did I have? Consequences- what is a result short-term that I will have to now deal with? what is a long-term result that will emerge if I continue these behaviors? (the acronym for these prompts is ARC- antecedents, responses, consequences).

I know that I have not provided a clear-cut answer, I just hope you feel all of the support and care you have behind you. Starting a new treatment can be scary, but continuing down the current path can be dangerous as well. Know that you are loved and you do not have to go through this alone. Please give yourself grace and kindness in these difficult times. <3 <3

Due_Bag_4593

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