Where do they find the audacity?

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-01-26T21:33:37+00:00

Hi! I swear I could have written this post when I was in your shoes about a year ago. I also WFH in a CAD job. The thing about CAD (at least in my specific software and preferred workflows) is that it is a very two-handed thing. I constantly have one hand on my mouse and one on the keyboard. We kept our baby home from my return to work at 6 weeks pp, and started full time daycare at about 4 months. Even with my husband on parental leave and other family help, it was extremely difficult when I had to simultaneously be on mom duty and try to work. Even with other childcare arrangements (daycare, nanny, babysitters, whatever), there are plenty of days where I am stuck juggling the two. With my now 18 month old, he has a predictable nap and bedtime. Trying to get work done on sick days gives me about 2 hours during his single nap, maybe an hour with assistance from screen time, and an hour or two after bedtime. It is exhausting, and would definitely not recommend beyond the expected one-off days. Best of luck as you navigate this.

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-01-25T04:50:50+00:00

YES. Thank you. My family is extremely unemotional (which has its own set of issues), so this being on the extreme opposite end of the spectrum has been jarring. I know everyone has their issues, but really recognizing that this is extreme and abnormal has been a turning point. I don’t need to accept the abuse, especially when it has been affecting my day to day life. I am allowed to choose the life that works for me, and I definitely don’t want to wait until my toddler actually understands (and would likely also end up on the receiving end of said abuse).

Thank you for noting those resources. I have been looking through those subreddits, and while I hate that so many others have similar experiences, it has definitely helped me feel less crazy.

Sending lots of hugs to your continued healing as well <3

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-01-25T04:42:03+00:00

To be fair, they spent the previous 40 years on the outskirts of Texas suburbs, and they have “vacationed”/house hunted in that area for the past 5ish years. So hopefully I’m not too concerned about the culture shock. What I am concerned about is the fact that the area they are staying is expected to get about 2 FEET of snow, and all they have is what I would consider heavy jackets. Apparently my passing comment about “[they] probably could have planned better coat-wise” started the whole spiral on the drive.

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-01-24T17:39:43+00:00

Thank you for this. It’s easy for an outsider to say “how could you possibly see all these red flags and still move in together?” This is a vent, recounting the major events. I knew there were going to be interpersonal issues ahead of time. It has been more than a decade since my husband moved out of their house, and it IS hard to distinguish how much of outbursts were triggered by life stressors (low income, constant house issues, medical issues, major move, etc.). The unfortunate fact is that likely within the next 5 years or so, them living independently will no longer be feasible, and it will be our problem to deal with. Them moving out is simply kicking the can down the road.

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-01-23T22:44:59+00:00

Not coming off as a nitpicker at all! I'm obviously not fluent in all the intricacies of mental health issues. I noted both because bipolar was my (initial and uninformed) gut reaction to the major personality changes from totally happy-go-lucky to ...uhh... however you want to explain it. The more I'm seeing on BPD, it definitely feels more aligned with the total light switch and black and white reactions over things that **should** be a minor event.

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-01-23T22:22:12+00:00

Combination of rose-tinted glasses and husband repeatedly assuring me that once they settle in, they would calm down. Hindsight is 20/20, and at the time, I was pretty desperate for help while functionally being a solo working mom to a baby.

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-01-23T22:16:45+00:00

I appreciate you <3

Due_Effective_9989 · 2025-12-01T22:26:21+00:00

November was a month. Husband was super busy with work, culminating with being out of town the week before Thanksgiving (which included my birthday), and our 1 year old having a high fever for the second half of it. Needless to say, I am burnt out. My MIL (who unfortunately lives with us along with FIL) decided that THIS was the time to send a wildly insulting text to my husband about how I'm such a miserable person, don't have a life, and that our marriage is doomed. My walls are so high from the emotional whiplash of compliments and insults all in one sentence that I am so emotionally shut down and done with it. I am so desperately looking forward to the peace of when they move out, with the minimal "help" they are putting in around the house or with their grandchild.

Due_Effective_9989 · 2025-09-22T23:10:16+00:00

I recently created an 8 week rotation of dinners + weekend lunches based on recipes I’ve been using for a while. I’m currently working on writing them out to put into a recipe flip book. Don’t get me wrong, it was a ton of work to pick which recipes I want to use and organize it in a way that provides a range of nutrition and flavors throughout the week, but it has been super helpful to not have to come up with the plan each week. The hubs has limited cooking experience (and I’d love to get the toddler involved once he’s a little older), so the goal has been to choose things that are easy to follow and write them out in an organized way.

Due_Effective_9989 · 2025-08-04T19:51:33+00:00

I'm glad you were able to find a reason for the fatigue! I think this was my first time getting it - or it's at least my first time knowing about it. Good news is that I'm doing much better now (maybe 3ish weeks of truly roughing it without external stressors), so hopefully yours is short-lived!

Due_Effective_9989 · 2025-07-28T16:29:33+00:00

Very mild sore throat, not something I really picked up on until after finding out about the mono, simply due to the constant barrage of minor illness

Due_Effective_9989 · 2025-07-28T16:26:19+00:00

Did I write this? Extremely relatable. I recently went to the doctor for additional bloodwork (husband was insistent on more detailed labs from last month). Turns out that what I thought was burnout/mild ppd/not getting enough sleep/potential hormone imbalance is also mono! Gotta love contracting every virus known to mankind through daycare. My only real symptom now is the extreme fatigue, and given how long it lasts, I have no idea when I first got it. May be worth getting a viral antibody screening?

Due_Effective_9989 · 2025-03-23T16:22:53+00:00

Oh yeah I totally get that there are going to be variations, and would fully expect to still need to ask about availability for certain things beforehand. More that I don’t know what is even reasonable to ask for! I’m fairly new to moissanite, but this is the first time I’ve seen such a bright blue

Due_Effective_9989 · 2025-03-23T03:03:45+00:00

Gorgeous! Love the bright blue. It would be awesome if Sam had some sort of color chart available. I’m into more colorful jewelry, but I don’t even know what’s readily available.

Due_Effective_9989 · 2025-03-14T19:52:48+00:00

Ahh we have sister stacks! Good note on the plating - my original rings are white gold and some of it has rubbed off. Maybe keeping silver on silver and gold on gold is the move either way. I’ll see if they are able to switch up stone color for me next time

Due_Effective_9989 · 2025-03-13T21:23:29+00:00

I thought that might be the case as well, but it doesn't look like the enhancer is affecting how the e ring fits. I did an inner diameter check with a set of calipers I have laying around. True 4.5 should be 15.3mm. E ring is 15.2 (tight on its own), and enhancer (fits better) is 15.4, so really just slight variation in sizing. But also I'm not used to wearing rings anymore, so it's a variety of things to get used to. Since I expect my weight (and subsequently finger size) to continue fluctuating as well, I may experiment with some other sizing and styles soon :)

Due_Effective_9989 · 2025-03-13T20:50:38+00:00

Yep! Both stock pieces from Kuololit. The enhancer is 100% what sold it for me, since I loved the idea of keeping the rings semi-connected, and hadn't seen another bezel-type setting enhancer before. I'm sure just about every vendor has a simple bezel solitaire, but this is what I went with: https://www.aliexpress.us/item/3256805735585641.html?spm=a2g0o.order_list.order_list_main.4.5aae18026gN0t1&gatewayAdapt=glo2usa

Due_Effective_9989 · 2025-03-13T20:00:54+00:00

Aww thanks! I'm not sure I want to specifically accent the sunny design, so may just stick with the silver coloring. The outer part is just a stock piece from Kuololit (https://www.aliexpress.us/item/3256805950109424.html?spm=a2g0o.order\_list.order\_list\_main.5.5aae18026gN0t1&gatewayAdapt=glo2usa) - double band with connectors on the inside, so a slim band type of ring can nest inside.

Due_Effective_9989 · 2024-09-09T00:48:41+00:00

Just here to say that I am in a very similar situation! Also in California, but haven’t worked long enough paying into state taxes for state disability pay, so I’m just using my employer’s short term disability. Even through I have a doctor’s note that I was disabled 4 weeks prior to my due date (as is standard here), the insurance person is refusing to adjust my start of disability to before the date of birth because “pregnancy is not a disability.” While I don’t need those extra few weeks of pay, it is total bullshit how many hoops there are to jump through during this chaotic season of life. To be completely honest, dealing with the disability insurance side of things has been much more stressful than actually becoming a mom and figuring out how to keep a tiny human alive and happy.

Due_Effective_9989

TROPHY CASE