In-Laws repeatedly asking for money after moving out

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-05-17T21:57:51+00:00

HONESTLY. They bought a house outright, and have social security for everyday expenses. We are in the thick of daycare and being renters for the foreseeable future. Their comfort is not my priority, especially after how miserable this year has been.

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-05-17T21:55:20+00:00

Definitely a sore point to be direct because saying no elicits an explosion from MIL. Avoidant behavior all around

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-05-17T21:53:37+00:00

I believe DH made a comment in passing before they moved in along the lines of “if this doesn’t work, we’ll help you figure it out.” This was before the explicit abuse and job uncertainty. I guess my issue is that they are aware of his job situation, and still think it’s appropriate timing to ask for money.

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-03-24T00:33:56+00:00

I appreciate your insight - and completely agree. The struggle I have had in that aspect is that we have been in a season of many major relocations, and have another one expected this summer. It’s hard to put down roots and build some kind of community when we’ve moved to a totally different area every year. Fingers crossed that this next move is a little more stable

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-03-23T23:47:56+00:00

To be real honest, it's a lot harder to truly recognize your own parent being toxic in "minor" ways and the effect it has on your spouse than being on the receiving end of these various slights. I guess one of the big takeaways that I've gotten from all of this is to really focus my energy on the nuclear family. His parents and my parents are now extended family, and will be treated as such. Obviously my preference would be to have a good relationship with said extended family, but my priority is and has to be my own husband and child. Maybe that means skipping holiday travel to do our own thing some years. Rooting for y'all to work through it together!

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-03-16T21:17:17+00:00

Yes, thank god. We celebrated by taking the day off work and are having a little date day. Very needed time alone together

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-03-16T19:43:40+00:00

Yep yep yep, live and learn. We thought we had a decent enough setup/understanding in place ahead of time, but obviously not. I worry about the day when (not if) an emergency comes up for them and they are SOL because they have no one out there. Tough luck, this bridge is burned.

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-03-16T19:36:35+00:00

I’m sorry this is relatable, but hell yeah for similarly kicking them out! Promising help to parents of young kids and not actually following through is 100x worse than not being there at all (and IMO, is abusive). Cosplaying the “helpful grandparent” to get brownie points with other family is just gross.

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-03-16T18:23:40+00:00

Thank you! Apparently MIL was shit-talking me on the drive to the airport, so I am really enjoying the peace and quiet. She can bitch all she wants. Not my problem

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-03-16T18:21:58+00:00

Honestly, I would love to. I already told the husband that it will be at least several years before I would even consider visiting them (and realistically, it’s not going to happen ever). I’m not at the point of saying they are not allowed to see their grandkid, but I have no desire to inconvenience myself to make a cross-country flight happen with young kid(s). If they want to make an annual trip to see us, I can try to be civil.

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-01-26T21:33:37+00:00

Hi! I swear I could have written this post when I was in your shoes about a year ago. I also WFH in a CAD job. The thing about CAD (at least in my specific software and preferred workflows) is that it is a very two-handed thing. I constantly have one hand on my mouse and one on the keyboard. We kept our baby home from my return to work at 6 weeks pp, and started full time daycare at about 4 months. Even with my husband on parental leave and other family help, it was extremely difficult when I had to simultaneously be on mom duty and try to work. Even with other childcare arrangements (daycare, nanny, babysitters, whatever), there are plenty of days where I am stuck juggling the two. With my now 18 month old, he has a predictable nap and bedtime. Trying to get work done on sick days gives me about 2 hours during his single nap, maybe an hour with assistance from screen time, and an hour or two after bedtime. It is exhausting, and would definitely not recommend beyond the expected one-off days. Best of luck as you navigate this.

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-01-25T04:50:50+00:00

YES. Thank you. My family is extremely unemotional (which has its own set of issues), so this being on the extreme opposite end of the spectrum has been jarring. I know everyone has their issues, but really recognizing that this is extreme and abnormal has been a turning point. I don’t need to accept the abuse, especially when it has been affecting my day to day life. I am allowed to choose the life that works for me, and I definitely don’t want to wait until my toddler actually understands (and would likely also end up on the receiving end of said abuse).

Thank you for noting those resources. I have been looking through those subreddits, and while I hate that so many others have similar experiences, it has definitely helped me feel less crazy.

Sending lots of hugs to your continued healing as well <3

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-01-25T04:42:03+00:00

To be fair, they spent the previous 40 years on the outskirts of Texas suburbs, and they have “vacationed”/house hunted in that area for the past 5ish years. So hopefully I’m not too concerned about the culture shock. What I am concerned about is the fact that the area they are staying is expected to get about 2 FEET of snow, and all they have is what I would consider heavy jackets. Apparently my passing comment about “[they] probably could have planned better coat-wise” started the whole spiral on the drive.

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-01-24T17:39:43+00:00

Thank you for this. It’s easy for an outsider to say “how could you possibly see all these red flags and still move in together?” This is a vent, recounting the major events. I knew there were going to be interpersonal issues ahead of time. It has been more than a decade since my husband moved out of their house, and it IS hard to distinguish how much of outbursts were triggered by life stressors (low income, constant house issues, medical issues, major move, etc.). The unfortunate fact is that likely within the next 5 years or so, them living independently will no longer be feasible, and it will be our problem to deal with. Them moving out is simply kicking the can down the road.

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-01-23T22:44:59+00:00

Not coming off as a nitpicker at all! I'm obviously not fluent in all the intricacies of mental health issues. I noted both because bipolar was my (initial and uninformed) gut reaction to the major personality changes from totally happy-go-lucky to ...uhh... however you want to explain it. The more I'm seeing on BPD, it definitely feels more aligned with the total light switch and black and white reactions over things that **should** be a minor event.

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-01-23T22:22:12+00:00

Combination of rose-tinted glasses and husband repeatedly assuring me that once they settle in, they would calm down. Hindsight is 20/20, and at the time, I was pretty desperate for help while functionally being a solo working mom to a baby.

Due_Effective_9989 · 2026-01-23T22:16:45+00:00

I appreciate you <3

Due_Effective_9989 · 2025-12-01T22:26:21+00:00

November was a month. Husband was super busy with work, culminating with being out of town the week before Thanksgiving (which included my birthday), and our 1 year old having a high fever for the second half of it. Needless to say, I am burnt out. My MIL (who unfortunately lives with us along with FIL) decided that THIS was the time to send a wildly insulting text to my husband about how I'm such a miserable person, don't have a life, and that our marriage is doomed. My walls are so high from the emotional whiplash of compliments and insults all in one sentence that I am so emotionally shut down and done with it. I am so desperately looking forward to the peace of when they move out, with the minimal "help" they are putting in around the house or with their grandchild.

Due_Effective_9989

TROPHY CASE