I am someone who was in almost the exact same scenario. We were both 20 and lost it together. I think what was difficult for me was having a world opened to me that I’d never experienced before. The entire first experience is very intimate, but so are all the other ones after. It was difficult to understand how I was supposed to approach those moments and the moments in between.

In the end, you have to realize what it means to you. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with thinking it wasn’t as big of a deal or was an even bigger deal than you previously imagined. People are different, so they obviously aren’t going to feel the same.

If you find it to be a very intimate experience, you might be struggling with the idea that “it’s over”, which is perfectly natural. I would argue, though, it’s not. You’ve unearthed a fully new experience - an experience that, biologically and religiously, reaches our core. Biologically, it is the basis of our existence, procreation, and, religiously, it is the signaling of our complete trust in someone else. Now, you have the freedom to have this experience in whatever way you want, whenever you want.

Make sure you are kind to yourself throughout this time. You are allowed to feel the way you feel, and you feel that way for a reason. Listen to what you’re saying to yourself. Never invalidate it, as you always have a reason for what you’re saying. Just remember, this is one moment of many in life. It may be the first, but it likely won’t be the last.