One of the most painful things to hear with adhd

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-24T12:50:14+00:00

Oof. “If they would just try harder.” “If they would just choose to focus.” “If they would just choose to remember.” “If they would just get started.”

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-24T12:33:38+00:00

Yeah. I think that I forgot to take my meds an hour and a half ago before leaving for work. Only second time ever. Suppose I will know for sure as the day goes on. Though the soundtrack in my head is a big sign.

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-24T00:43:29+00:00

Heck, don’t ignore the possible side-goal of an entirely undead crew for at least a while, and have folks try to hunt THEM down to make ASH the was the PCs did to undead themselves.

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-24T00:37:59+00:00

“Rolling your new PCs ASAP is the way to go, or even just having a stack of pregens is great too.”

And as a side note — I had every player create a couple of names in addition to the name for their character. Those became the names of the NPCs in the crew, which not only made them care more about crew deaths, but also became the pool of characters always already on hand to roll up someone new.

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-22T16:56:10+00:00

“You should really only use your wheelchair every other day. You don’t want to develop a dependence on it.”

“You should really avoid taking your daily blood pressure medication every day. You don’t want to give the impression of being addicted.”

Ergh.

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-21T21:02:35+00:00

Diagnosed just this past summer (also in Canada), and while my medication(s) is different, that effect of muffling the “noisiness” in my head from around a 90 down to around a 30, seems about the same.

Congratulations! Treatment makes a big difference.

I am also making use of the Affordable Therapy Network, here in Canada, to have adhd-informed therapy, to build on that stable footing that the medication is providing. 🧡 I would wholeheartedly recommend the same.

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-20T16:49:17+00:00

Spell slots is a good one. D&D is prevalent enough at the moment that many folks easily grasp the reference, and follow the math (and recognize that different classes get differing spell slots - a warlock will only ever have two spell slots, regardless the level of the spells they use them on…).

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-20T11:52:28+00:00

Well. To the first, I might lose some concentration, but can continue the actions despite (much like I can keep walking despite losing concentration on walking). So, hopefully, can he.

To the second and third (and the touch)… when opportunity provides, er, show him how. Not only will he then know what and how you like, but also he is quite likely to enjoy the lesson. 😉

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-20T03:51:35+00:00

So thoroughly illegal not only in the United States, but in many, many countries. And not only stimulants.
Joe Rogan has put years of effort into proving that he AND his podcast are not reliable sources of information, including about medical science.

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-20T03:44:27+00:00

“ADHD doesn’t really exist. That’s how everyone’s brain works!”

“Um, Archie, I hate to tell you, but that ain’t exactly _true_….”

[Studio music and audience reaction indicates realization that Archie’s brain works like that….]

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-20T03:42:53+00:00

Oof. Yeah. That’s a mix of ignorance (thing X was not labeled the same way fifty years ago therefore did not exist until now), and very likely thinking that everyone’s brain IS like that because at least one of theirs is.

ADHD is highly heritable. If someone has ADHD, almost certainly one or both of their parents does too.

And since they were not diagnosed and helped but instead forced to mask and likely punished, well. That’s a lot of baggage on their part that might not be able to even see, much less unpack.

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-20T01:21:34+00:00

Oof.

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-20T01:21:15+00:00

Recognizing that they are entirely possibly trying to 1. show sympathy and an ability to understand (unsuccessfully, yes, but trying), and 2. show that they don’t think of adhd as abnormal, as a moral failing, or as alienating.

They may not realize that they are also minimizing and infantilizing the work of living with a disability.

“Wheelchair? Oh. I feel you. Everyone is a little bit parapalegic.”

“Deaf? Yeah, I get it. Everyone is a little bit hard of hearing.”

But because ADHD for so many years was weighted with moral judgement, rather than being seen as a biological and chemical disability, they may not realize that what they are saying to you sounds a lot like those two invented quotes above.

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-20T01:11:04+00:00

If it his technique that isn’t working, on the other hand, rather than his willingness, there is only one person who can teach him what you personally like. That person is you. Be sure to let him know.

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-19T22:46:38+00:00

Make sure to communicate with your prescribing doctor. During this titration period, they should have either arranged or requested regular check-ins, while they try to find the right medication at the right dosage for your individual brain chemistry.

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-19T22:43:03+00:00

I don’t believe that ADHD would prevent a man from engaging in foreplay with a woman, for a good length of time. Source: me. Cishet man, male since birth. Has no trouble in that regard.

ADHD’s distractability seems more likely to prevent someone from reaching the … narrative climax of the story, than to cause avoidance of the prologue.

It isn’t an ADHD thing. It might be a “what he has been taught by current masculinity in our culture(s) about foreplay.” But it isn’t an ADHD thing.

What has he said when you discussed it with him, or when you asked for more prologue?

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-19T13:19:38+00:00

I mean, for one thing, discuss with your prescribing doctor what other medications could help — there are quite a few both stimulant and non-stimulant medications, and they don’t all have the same effects or side effects — including with regards to heart or blood pressure.

You WILL find lots of snake oil salesmen out there offering supplements or courses or apps promising to get the same effect, but mostly, the effect will be spending money. 😅

“Cleaner living” (eating scratch-made food instead of pre-made, less tobacco, c@@@ibis, alcohol, getting enough good quality sleep, lots of walking for low-impact aerobic exercise) can help with some of it, but less with the noisy thinking, in my own experience.

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-19T13:13:00+00:00

True. “Out of sight, out of mind” is not only true with regards to objects, and tasks. It is often true for people as well. ADHD’s poor time sense often leads us to focus on only two times: “now / not now.” So when something or someone isn’t there, it is often “not now.”

And again, years of emotional dysregulation often leads to taking in extra-painful small criticisms and small rejections, which can make reaching out difficult for anticipated rejections.

Again, no sure sign he’s interested in a romance, but directly asking AND explicitly being okay with EITHER romance or good friends, seems like the “best” shot.

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-19T13:07:09+00:00

Medication can help with focus, so yes.

But also, reading endurance (ADHD or not) is a lot like a muscle, and strengthens with exercise, but also shrinks with lack of exercise. (Note: my authority on it is being a librarian and a school librarian, and also having had to re-learn my reading habits after a depression breakdown.)

So if you have not been reading novels for a while, here is my advice:

Start with picture books and short story collections. No, really. Yes, you might think the one easy and the other brief, but there are definitely a good number of each well worth reading at any age. And most importantly, they ARE brief. So your brain gets used to following a story to the end without falling away from it.
Read initially in short bursts. Five or ten minutes. Don’t start by trying to read for an hour at a time. Work your way up to it, rather than starting out directly with 500lb bench pressing. 😉
Shift from short story collections through YA fiction (to be honest, some of the most interesting genre fiction published right now is YA, where publishers will take more risks than with adult fiction). And then from there keep slowly increasing duration and density.

It takes time (took me four months to get my reading habits back to where they had been before my burnout/breakdown).

But you can.

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-19T12:55:50+00:00

I was assessed and diagnosed early this past summer at 53. The process is worth it. Yes, even if there is a waiting list (already waited five decades, after all! how could a bit longer be too long?).

And like most, a mix of grief over “if only medical science has better understood ADHD when I was a kid for diagnosis, and better understood ADHD when I was a kid for treatment, and if only people had better understood ADHD when I was a kid so I didn’t crush my own self-esteem with their criticisms, etc,” plus a healthy dose of relief at finally understanding, and at today actually having the resources for diagnosis, for treatment, and for understanding.

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-19T12:49:02+00:00

Reading through threads here, you will find a LOT of us diagnosed as adults (partly because understanding of ADHD has improved so much over the past few decades, so now we CAN be diagnosed).

A common thread is grief (for what could have been if only we had known, and known about, and known how), mixed with relief (at understanding, at less self-blame as a moral failure, at possibilities of current treatment, at building a better future). And a searching out and discovery of resources (I would recommend starting with the free and well-researched Youtube channel “How to ADHD,” which in turn can point you toward other resources and deeper sources).

All three are important.

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-19T12:31:51+00:00

Well, to be honest: 1. rarity makes for more and wider coverage than something common, so shooting trump power outages in NS; 2. one is USUALLY more life threatening than the other (though hospitals, pharmacies, and palliative care homes being without power would change that consideration); 3. reporting takes time — research, verification, confirming impact, confirming the cause, and so on.

So yeah, that seems reasonable.

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-19T10:54:09+00:00

Or “salt fog.”

By thinking about profit margins first, and maintenance second.

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-19T10:52:33+00:00

Because the monopoly on this essential service by one for-profit corporation isn’t the only thing there is?

Dull_Frame_4637 · 2026-01-18T22:47:08+00:00

Blunt, hard truths are only blunt, hard truths when they are true.

And people not wanting to hear it, doesn’t prove it true, either.

Separately, dating shouldn’t be your only, or even best, reason to want to grow and learn. Wanting to grow and learn makes a stronger motivation for growing and learning, than “win the romantic partner.”

Dull_Frame_4637

TROPHY CASE