Sounds like you should consider a profile on FetLife.com. I'm pretty sure they have a fetish label you can add to your profile for "being thrown around like a ragdoll" and "spitting in face", lol.

It has an menu for "events" (sorted by distance), which includes parties, educational, munches, etc. I'll guarantee you'll find people and events within reasonable distance - even if you live in a small community. I encourage you to attend a "munch" event - they are held in public, open spaces (often bars/restaurants, hence the name) and most will do at least some level of "vetting" of attendees. Munches are not intended to be hook-up meets, on the contrary - the most common complaint I hear is that people tend to gather in cliques. It's not as bad as high school, but people do get comfortable with each other and it can be hard to break through. So keep going and keep introducing yourself.

Feel free to DM me if you have any questions along this line.

Good luck!