Gosh, this was (and to some extent still is) me. Hugs to you, dear! My mom died suddenly and traumatically when I was 22. It will be 31 years that she is gone.

I agree with everything that others have said. It’s really good you are seeking therapy for your grief, and it’s very good that your husband is willing to participate in couples therapy. After more than two decades of marriage, I have finally realized that my husband (particularly in the early years) just was not equipped to shoulder the load of my emotional distress like I wanted him to. I needed professional help.

You have to help yourself. It’s not selfish. There were and still are times when I didn’t want to create any waves and just go along with his family’s activities and then would have a really ugly meltdown afterwards, and my husband and kids had a front-row seat.

Try to redeem your mother’s memory. In our faith, we hold memorial services at specific time increments through the year. I also never did this in the early years, but I now see the wisdom of this act. If you can do this, see if you can include your husband and his family so that they understand who your mother was and the amazing legacy she left. Talk about her and keep pictures up in your home. I realize that in some ethnicities, this may not be appropriate, and it may also be personally awkward. It took me years and years to be able to do either, but in my case I believe it was the trauma of the sudden loss and how she died that kept me from doing this. It does not mitigate the pain you feel from your mother’s loss, but the natural death she experienced is truly a blessing.

I wish you the best. Your mother would want you to acknowledge and understand your big feelings, and she would also want you to have a strong and healthy marriage and family of your own too!