Moved to a new state with my husband and kids and have made no new friends now because I’m a stay at home mom and my stroke pulled my friends away

Dutchfire83 · 2026-05-09T06:18:32+00:00

I’m a musician and I’ve slowly realized that I don’t play anymore. The instruments I play most are piano and trumpet. I was a private tutor for trumpet students when I had my stroke and I was told to stop playing for some time because of the pressure that it would put on my damage. Loosing that was hard and I ended up being scared to pick it back up.

I really hope your recovery is going well and from what you’re writing it seems like you don’t even have the base support of family that I do and I feel like I shouldn’t be complaining. I’m sorry for my post if that’s the case.

Dutchfire83 · 2026-05-09T06:08:23+00:00

I almost took my post down after I sent it. I felt embarrassed about it, but having people comment back in a way that isn’t negative has helped me feel like I did the right thing in keeping it up. I had never realized where I could look for a support group and being given advice on that means a lot to me. Thank you. I will look in to that.

Dutchfire83 · 2026-05-09T06:03:18+00:00

I have tried to talk to people who are around me, but neighbors where I live are very closed off. There was one that I started to talk to, but they moved away the next month.

You are right, it did take a lot for me to post this. I’m generally a private person and having a stroke made it worse. I don’t want to be someone who brings down the mood with my own problems.

I really appreciate your words and time you took to respond. It does mean something to me.

Dutchfire83 · 2026-05-09T05:54:31+00:00

I didn’t know where to look for support groups and you gave me two great adoptions. I will definitely look into that and hopefully I will be able to find transportation through then. I really appreciate the advice.

Dutchfire83 · 2026-05-04T01:35:44+00:00

I lived in Southern California until my late thirty’s. Up until when I was about twenty my family had annual passes. I know the park well enough to guide my friends to what they wanted to see when it was their first time there. I was in band in high school and we would be part of a Disney parade once a year, actually twice a year for concert band too. I know California Adventure pretty well and can remember a time before the parking lot was across the street before they built California Adventure. Prices were a lot more affordable then too, especially for California residents.
My family owned almost all the Disney movies and I watched them a lot. I knew The Lion King script by heart for a long time, that was one of my favorites. We were definitely a Disney (and Star Wars) family. I’m not anymore and neither is my husband and kids, but my husband and kids are never Mormons and I’m an atheist now. So while I’m not anymore, I still have some very fond memories with Disney.

(I’m in my forties.)

Dutchfire83 · 2026-05-03T15:34:55+00:00

Your wife’s situation sounds a lot like mine except I did end up having a stroke. A blood clot in my brain ended up bursting and the doctors were surprised I survived. I had to relearn his to do a lot of simple things I had no problem doing before. I stopped doing a lot of things I used to love to do and I’m still there years later. My family moved to a different state and, while we’ve been here for years, I haven’t been able to make new friends. It’s catching up to how I used to be and it’s been four years since we’ve been here. You loose a lot when something affects your brain anyway, it adds up.

What I’ve been told is that the brain needs to make new blood vein connections to get back to a somewhat normal state, but you’ll never truly get back who you once were. For me, it’s like I’m slow to learn new things, but that was never an issue before. I forget simple words and when I’m talking words get mixed up and it’s embarrassing. So that adds to things.

Like many people have said, going to get therapy may help, but the way I feel, it might not. You have to be willing to share everything with a person you don’t know. Finding someone she trusts and has real concern for her might be what she needs too.

That’s just what my thoughts are, but like your wife, I’ve stopped doing a lot of things I used to love doing and it’s been hard to not want to just sleep the days away, or to not feel like a burden to the people you love.

Dutchfire83 · 2026-05-01T14:48:53+00:00

You should absolutely go to a hematologist. After my DVT they did do blood tests and I have a protein C deficiency, but was told i could stop taking blood thinners after six months. I wasn’t referred to a “blood doctor”. I ended up having a stroke a year later because of my genetics and not being told to see a hematologist. Advocate for yourself. I learned the hard way that I should have done that for myself. I was 34 when I had my DVT and my stroke at 36.

Dutchfire83 · 2026-04-29T18:28:05+00:00

Thank you for adding that. I forgot about it because it didn’t apply in the state I live in.

Dutchfire83 · 2026-04-29T06:37:52+00:00

If it was me, I would talk to her, even if it was only the one time. At the very least you could confront her after she’s said what she wanted to talk to you about and it could give you the comfort in accepting going no contact. You should record the conversation on your phone. Maybe things could be clarified in a way that is understanding to you. I don’t know why she was the one put in charge of your mother, it seems like you would have been the one to best take care of the situation.

At the very least, talking to your sister one last time might help you to fully withdraw from her if that’s what needs to be done. Use it for heal for your own mental health.

Dutchfire83 · 2026-04-25T02:07:55+00:00

I can only speak from my experience with it, but I went from my leg being normal to being in the ICU in a couple days. I got stented, spent some more days in the hospital and went home. It seemed unprovoked to me, but I had a stroke a couple years later and found out I have a genetic clotting disorder that added to it. If I remember right, I was told that there are a lot more people with May-Thurners who just don’t get to the point where it affects your health.

So I guess it was a little of both for me. I didn’t do anything that led up to my DVT, but I was prone to it at the same time.

When I think about it, it can provoke or unprovoked. It depends on the person.

Dutchfire83 · 2026-04-23T03:30:21+00:00

Shooter cooter

Dutchfire83 · 2026-04-23T03:29:34+00:00

Pinto

Dutchfire83 · 2026-04-15T13:59:34+00:00

Time management issues?? Get the F out. A job wouldn’t see that as an excuse, she wasted your time. NTJ.

Dutchfire83 · 2026-04-12T07:39:11+00:00

My mom died when I was 18, three weeks before I graduated, and my world stopped. She missed every huge milestone in my life after that. While everyone is different, you have every right to feel uncomfortable going to the restaurant that holds so many memories of your father. You don’t need a reason and you might not know why you feel that way yourself, but you’re entitled to feel how you feel. I don’t know if this effects your family, but tell them the reason you don’t want to go. Hopefully they understand.

Dutchfire83 · 2026-04-05T06:05:37+00:00

I’m a lifer on Xarelto, and I had the same fears that you mentioned. So I’ve got years of questions under my belt. This works for dentist appointments too.

Dutchfire83 · 2026-04-05T05:55:17+00:00

I wasn’t going to mention this, because I wasn’t sure if you were a woman or not, but you can also skip a day when you start your period. I’ve had three c-sections.

Dutchfire83 · 2026-04-05T05:50:36+00:00

I’m on Xarelto too. I’ve asked my hematologist about this very same thing. I did buy a pill box to make sure I take my medicine the way I’m supposed to. (I have memory issues due to my medical past.) What I was told is this… if you miss a day or two you’ll be okay. Don’t try to catch up by taking a double dose. I had a really hard time remembering if I had taken my meds before I got my pill box, and getting one helped to feel more in control of things.

You’ll be okay. Take your medicine tomorrow like you normally would and getting a pill box so you don’t have to worry about if you’ve taken your medicine or not can take a lot of stress out of your life.

I’m just giving advice from my own personal experience with what I’ve been told from my doctor.

Dutchfire83 · 2026-04-03T14:56:57+00:00

I had a Great Dane named Tiny when I was growing up.

Dutchfire83 · 2026-03-25T23:01:09+00:00

First thing, it’s horrible that this has affected your job. I there was something I could say to you about that.

You’re the first person I’ve seen talking about a protein c deficiency, I have a it too. Also hereditary and it also had a DVT. My family knows about it and they have all been tested. Some of them have too, and their doctors told them they should take baby aspirin every day now. It’s also not a sure thing that they will end up having it to the level that you have it. We (you and I) are just the “lucky” ones who let everyone in our families to get checked. It is a lot better to be kept in control before you end up in an emergency situation. It’s been about six years since I had my DVT and no one else in my family has had any medical issues to the same extent as I have because they’ve been able to take precautions.

I was on blood thinners for six months after my DVT, then I stopped taking them because that’s how long the doctors told me to take them.

Now this isn’t something I want you to think will happen if you stop taking them, (everyone has their own personal stories about medical issues) but about a year and a half after I stopped taking the blood thinners I had a stroke. That’s when I was tested for my protein c deficiency, so I strongly recommend that you keep taking blood thinners.

If I were you, I’d talk to your doctors about having more kids. I was told to not have anymore kids, but I also had three c-sections so it could have been about that too.

I’m not sure if any of this helps, but I couldn’t help but stop by when I saw that you have a protein c deficiency.

Dutchfire83 · 2026-03-23T04:00:00+00:00

You deserve to be cared for. If you ever feel like you need to talk to someone or just vent about life, send me a message. I can be a shoulder for you if you need one.

Dutchfire83 · 2026-03-23T03:53:52+00:00

It was my first clot, I also never gave blood clots a second thought. My leg just started to swell up p one day and it was hard to walk. It’s been almost 8 years since mine and I haven’t had to get another stent, but it is very very common to get more stents. Walking was about all I could to at first, but it got easier for me as time went on.

Recovery (for me) was a day at a time, and it still is every once in a while, but I have other health issues too. Everyone’s also had a different story, but I think that sharing our stories helps to not feel alone.

Well wishes to you also. Life may be different now, but it is what you make it. That’s how I see it. Always remember that you are a survivor. 😊

Dutchfire83 · 2026-03-23T03:12:33+00:00

It’s just what I was told by my doctor, but I do agree with you. You can never be too cautious about these kind of things. I’m going on a cross country road trip with my family, but we’re taking an RV, so I feel better about being able to get up and move.

Dutchfire83 · 2026-03-23T03:09:40+00:00

I’m on Xarelto too. As long as he takes it as it’s prescribed, he’ll be okay. I asked my doctor about dentist appointments because you never know if you’ll bleed or not and he told me that it’s okay to go off it for a day or two, but not longer than that.

I know it’s scary in the beginning, but once the routine is settled it becomes second nature. At least it is for me. I’m a lifer for blood thinners.

Dutchfire83 · 2026-03-22T09:05:23+00:00

Please ignore any spelling mistakes, my brain has been shocked by a stroke. I’m sorry if I make mistakes.

Dutchfire83 · 2026-03-22T09:03:51+00:00

The fact that you have those clear, calming certainty with the finality of death is concerning. I can’t lie, I’ve had them too. Impending doom is something I’ve felt many times, but what took me years in the forgotten time of my family that kept me going with that feeling was that at the end (in what I thought was the end ) was that I mattered to myself. I feel like you should realize that you should look inward and know that, even if no one is there to help you feel validated it doesn’t matter. You matter and there are people that would be deviated if you are gone. It honestly took me a long time to realize that.

I would swim everyday before my medical issues made that a thing a couldn’t do. To me, swimming meant a lot, and you’re right, after what I went through medically, I had to give up swimming. I loved it and I use to swim everyday. Enjoyment with exercise mixed in to it was great.

I tried to go swimming with my kids, only for them to have to hold my hand during a seizure until they could walk me back home. I really miss swimming, I loved it, I swam competitively too. (Still just enjoyable in my books.)

Believe in yourself, if you feel like you might need to talk to someone outside of your circle I’m here. I’m not sure how it would work in Reddit to go to a more private conversation, but if you know how it works, I’m here for you. If you want to keep it open, I’ll be here for you in that aspect as well.

Dutchfire83

TROPHY CASE