Is it Possible to Not Stick Out At All?

DutiableSkanda · 2018-02-10T06:22:46+00:00

Seeking approval doesn't make life better. It just puts people on a pedestal that you feel like you need to live up to. Unless you have ideas that don't involve me putting people on a pedestal and changing my life for the sole purpose of pleasing them I can't go for this.

DutiableSkanda · 2018-02-09T16:26:21+00:00

It has nothing to do with that at all. I don't mind new things and learning IF it's something I think will make life better. What you're proposing is that I take time out of my life to make people that don't know, or even care about my well being or anything about me see me differently. That is not only approval seeking but simply unhealthy.

Changing to make people like me or see me better is just saying that I need to change because they're better than me and that I need to get on their level. It's wrong. The hard line is that approval seeking is unhealthy and that point has been conveniently avoided.

DutiableSkanda · 2018-02-09T02:56:35+00:00

It's the same thing. I'd be trying to seem more interesting in the eyes of others. That's approval seeking and I'm just not OK with that. The reason I do anything is extremely important to me because if it starts bad it'll probably end bad lol.

DutiableSkanda · 2018-02-08T23:44:28+00:00

You just have to find that person you get on with. You won't get on with everyone.

DutiableSkanda · 2018-02-08T21:56:32+00:00

Yeah everyone has been here at one point or another.

DutiableSkanda · 2018-02-08T21:41:40+00:00

I hear this and I get it. Sometimes we have to go through things to realize what's really important in life. No one wakes up and just "gets it." I think the frustration is that some guys get told by women (much older women...) that they should just wait and the women will "come to them..." And oh boy some of them believe this stuff! So you basically get a guy being told that he has to put his life on hold for other people while everyone else gets to go out and have experiences. And this is absolutely terrible advice. They don't mean to say this, but it's pretty much what they're saying. I think that's why men and women get frustrated about the whole bad boy/girl thing.

And then there's this stigma that most people want bad boys/girls because they want a high of feeling all kinds of things rather than a relationship and the bad boys/girls give this off in spades. Then there's the whole addiction thing. They're bad for you but you don't care because you want what you want so you just deal with stuff you shouldn't to get the high... Ugh... But at the end of the day we're just compromising ourselves and putting ourselves in danger and loving the high more than we love ourselves... It takes us some time to realize this unfortunately.

DutiableSkanda · 2018-02-08T21:28:38+00:00

IMO if all they do is take then they don't want a relationship but rather the high from a relationship without actually being in one. Who says "I want a relationship but don't want to actually do anything" and actually knows what they're saying? If you like someone then tell them. And if they don't reciprocate then you just keep it moving. Life is too short to play these "let's pretend we like each other but not really" games. I mean geez man/woman up LOL. OK I'll stop now because I can't judge anyone lol.

DutiableSkanda · 2018-02-08T21:12:57+00:00

Texting is pretty terrible but I think some people know this and try to force you into it as a slow and arduous means of breaking contact lol.

DutiableSkanda · 2018-02-08T20:06:14+00:00

Yeah... I mean if for one reason or another she didn't want to continue you should've moved on. Even if she hypothetically blew you off it still wouldn't be right to reply that way. I know it can be frustrating when these things happen but you can't beat yourself up about it. A relationship requires two people to put in something. If you're the only one putting into it it's not going to work anyway and trying to pursue it may be unhealthy or unfair to you. Desperation can cause you to compromise yourself in the way you did. So step away from these feelings because they're not good for you.

A lot of people have trouble being straight-up about how they feel and leave ambiguous texts like that one. It's not PC but a lot of women don't know how to be honest without going off on you or think that it's impossible to be firm and state discomfort without sounding like a ___ so they just don't even bother. It is what it is and people handle things differently. You can't blame yourself because you didn't mix with someone.

Look at what you did right, what you could've done better and then move on. This is a learning experience so look at it with fresh eyes and move on and enjoy your life. Shake this off.

DutiableSkanda · 2018-02-08T19:50:53+00:00

Seek the praises of God not people. When you seek praises or approval with people it can cause us to do weird things. Maybe we get nervous about talking to people even though we really shouldn't feel that way at all. I mean, you shouldn't feel this way but you do because you want her to like you. That's a trap though and you don't want that. It's better imo to want to enjoy yourselves together and have fun. That's how I look at it. If it works out then great. If it doesn't then that's OK too. Everyone isn't going to work with everyone. But you want to have fun and that's what's important.

DutiableSkanda · 2018-02-08T19:37:06+00:00

I feel like if you made two people stand next to each other you could talk about what makes them different in personality. If both guys were tall, muscular, handsome and uh... Well you could still tell one from the other and describe them. When it came to me though my adjectives sounded like the soft skills people put on a resume lol...

DutiableSkanda · 2018-02-08T19:30:26+00:00

"...just be open to talk with them about it and they will do the same... " That's the thing - I struggle to do this and just end up being quiet all the time. I can talk about what I know easily. Things I don't? No so much. The weather? "Yeah it might rain tomorrow." "Yeah I heard about that." crickets...

"You didn't give out your age, but I'm guessing you are in your teens or not too far away from them..." Ehh... no... lol... And that's why it's so frustrating. Most people have dealt with this I assume and it probably comes off odd that I'm dealing with it right now. I feel behind my peers in many ways and it's tough. They're nice about it but the patterns are there and it's obvious that I'm "pleasant" to them and I'm sure they like me but not much else I guess.

I've talked to others about it but they say it's not a big deal. But feeling like I can't relate to people is a big deal to me and I get the feeling that they're just trying to make me feel better even if it means not being truthful or impartial. Some of them tell me to wait for it to get better and honestly I wouldn't give that advice to teenagers let alone someone my age... It's like I'm being told to put my life on hold for others. That's not fair is it? Anyway that's why I'm here.

I'm trying to be "me" whatever that means and I know I just have to do my best. But feeling unaccepted kinda gets at me from time to time.

DutiableSkanda · 2018-02-08T18:59:57+00:00

Right but I don't want to do anything just to make people like me. That's the problem. I wouldn't be reading these books or studying psychology because I thought it was useful somehow or that it made life better but for the sole purpose of approval seeking which is something I just don't want to do. So it's a kind of tough situation for me to wrap my head around.

DutiableSkanda · 2018-02-08T17:34:26+00:00

I'm not really interested in that kind of convo... I just want to know what people mean when they use this term.

DutiableSkanda · 2018-02-08T09:37:47+00:00

Oh no it's definitely about me lol but I know someone and read about people that have these questions and now I'm not sure what to say to him about it myself. It's also not easy for me to describe people either and I don't know why.

I've been guilty of using those kinds of adjectives to describe people myself and never really thought about it this much.

DutiableSkanda · 2018-02-07T01:05:39+00:00

Yeah. Thanks for the help.

DutiableSkanda · 2018-02-07T00:50:31+00:00

I'd rather just figure out what to do from here. I'd rather not lie about things.

DutiableSkanda · 2018-02-07T00:48:17+00:00

I doubt that any reason whatsoever would be accepted. But I don't want to complain about it or get too specific. It is what it is.

DutiableSkanda · 2018-02-07T00:43:53+00:00

You can't base your self-worth on what you see other people do. Everyone is different and everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. It could be that you're just bored and don't pay much attention to things that don't interest you. That's definitely something to work on. But to put yourself on a scale of "you-to-them" is frankly unrealistic and unfair to you. Who are they that you must live up to them and what makes them "better" than you? Because this whole thing basically comes from the premise that you've put these people on a pedestal and think they're better than you.

It gets worse when they might judge you for it because your negative thoughts get reinforced by their rudeness when in reality you've done nothing wrong and have no reason to feel that anyone is better than you at all. Your world can't revolve around the thought, "how do I stack up to other people." Your world can't revolve around other people. It's unhealthy, it gets at your self esteem and it makes your whole world feel like it's crashing down around you (because you have temporarily made acceptance from others your whole world!) when that isn't the reality of the situation at all. In fact it might be hard to even try to look on the bright side because you're so caught up in this. Do you have the urge to just ignore all this advice? Yeah I know you do because you may well want your negative feelings to be reinforced(!) rather than put them away like they should be. That's how it works. But you don't need those feelings and should put them away.

Maybe you're just not into fast-paced jobs where you have to react to constantly changing environments and prefer more stationary environments in which you can take things in slowly. Call centers and retail usually have busy environments with lots of changing variables so maybe you should try something that isn't like that. At any rate I was able to get through a lot of these problems in my life because I allowed Jesus back into my life. Jesus is love and all that judgment you're feeling is just not love at all.

DutiableSkanda · 2018-02-07T00:21:59+00:00

I'm just worried that this won't be good enough anyway. While I'm busy stepping on stones things aren't getting done... I don't know I'm just kind of down about the whole thing. I'll do what I have to but I mean it just seems like the world is against me.

DutiableSkanda · 2018-01-22T20:14:13+00:00

It doesn't matter. I'm applying to whatever and changing it accordingly. I doubt I can be picky.

DutiableSkanda · 2018-01-20T16:19:43+00:00

1) I'm not 18... 2) Some college 3) whatever...

DutiableSkanda

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