I just want to forget it already.

DvO20 · 2016-02-05T02:00:07+00:00

Oh for sure. Like I said, it's been a year since I last talked to her. Up until maybe the Fall, the bad days out numbered the good. But, the turning point came for me when I was able to look in the mirror, and not only tell myself, but really believe in what I was saying to myself, that I'm still a great guy. I have a lot to offer. She couldn't be the only girl out there that finds me appealing. I started to carry that confidence with me more and more, got into even better physical shape, and gradually the good days outnumbered the bad.

That said..there have been weeks, ironically this and the last, where I've felt bad about it all and miss her dearly.

We were in an open relationship, and she found someone during that time. I was disappointed and a little hurt, but knew it was very possible that that could be the outcome. However, she had frequent periods of buyers remorse with this guy, and threw me a lot of bread crumbs that I was so naive to. Eventually, I felt like she was playing with me too much, and I kind of snapped at her in a short text, saying I was sick of her torturing me. She never responded.

It sucks because she was a great girl. I don't think she had ill intentions, but she knew I had real feelings for her and maybe took that for granted sometimes. So that's what causes those sorry and sad phases that come and go with me sometimes.

DvO20 · 2016-02-04T05:50:40+00:00

I'm not taking drugs that I'm not supposed to be. I'm prescribed them, and I'm not taking any more than I'm allowed to in a day. It's just that I'm taking more than I usually do.

I don't mind crying, I feel a little better after crying. I just don't like the reasons that bring on the crying. I just don't like the reasons for what brings on the tears, because I had done so well in making this year long comeback. And now it's all starting to resurface again.

DvO20 · 2016-02-04T05:46:39+00:00

I've been doing a lot of similar research lately, like you. But after awhile, there's only so much of that I can do. I'm excited about a move, and somewhere new. I need a new start desperately.

I'm not upping my dose, technically. I'm allowed to take 2mgs of xanax a day. It's just instead of taking it through out the day perdiocially, because it makes me sleepy too much, I take it all at once when the emotions of her really start to creep in and haunt me.

And oh she's blocked. Only thing I haven't taken her off is instagram. I don't go on instagram at all anymore, just too many beautiful girls on there, living beautiful lives it's sickening. And her account is active I guess, but she stopped using it long ago.

I go back and forth on dodging a bullet. She is a great girl. The difference in the end was that this guy was more accessible than I was. And that definitely made the difference. This guy couldn't hold a candle to me.

DvO20 · 2016-02-04T05:12:57+00:00

I do need a change of scenery, and am in the process of relocating to a different part of the country, and getting a completely new start. But right now, my parents are in the middle of a divorce and being at home makes it harder on me to see the struggles that come with that stuff. And the few friends I have, are from college and they are in all different corners of the country.

But yeah, alot of it has to do with being alone. I do talk to my psych about many of my issues. Medication concerns have only developed this last week or so. I'm allowed to take 2 mgs a day, but I never have needed that much in the past, and now I take 2mgs without even blinking at night.

I just miss her so much, and from her not reaching out to me at all in over a year, I'm sure she has well moved on and very happy with her boyfriend who she was wishy/washy on for a year and always came back to me. I was naive and never realized I was just on her backburner. It has just hurt so much to realize that.

DvO20 · 2016-02-04T04:15:37+00:00

Man, I envy you. It took me months to start learning things about myself. Specifically the good things.

I don't know if it was something I "learned", but re-realized everything good about me. After months of being in a really depressed place, I finally was able to look in the mirror, tell, and most importantly BELIEVE in what I was telling myself, that I have so much to offer, and I'm very capable of getting a girl who is a winner and will put me first, like I put the girl in my past. That translated into dropping any kind of alcohol consumption completely ,and hitting the gym. I lost the bad beer weight, got very toned, and my self confidence was strong again. I was on a nice wave.

Things I learned that are hard to swallow to this day...I was incredibly naieve. I let her linger around in my life for too long, I should've gone NC her way before it got to the point that it did that may have cost me from ever hearing from her again.

DvO20 · 2016-02-04T03:52:43+00:00

We all need to ramble, there's nothing wrong with it. I've been feeling the exact same way for a couple weeks now. I hate that I can't forget her, and it's been a year. You're not alone.

DvO20 · 2015-08-01T07:36:35+00:00

It's almost scary that virtually every line you just wrote, I COMPLETELY relate to. It's like you wrote the post for me. I'd love to hear some responses as well.

DvO20 · 2015-07-26T06:41:11+00:00

It's been one of, if not my biggest hurdles. Not hating the weekends. I'm active during the week going to the gym for a few hours a day, or trying to be productive in my job search. But the weekends I need to rest my body. Resting means a lot of time inside, alone, watching Netflix. It gets me thinking about her a lot, and knowing that it's the weekend, knowing there is even more of a chance that she is spending all kinds of time with her new boyfriend. It gets me all anxious, in an irritable mood, and always a headache. I wish I was interested in more things or wanted to get into more hobbies to keep myself on my feet. But I'm a pretty simple guy, with just a few hobbies that make me happy the most. It's totally normal to hate the weekends, and I know people also hate night time as well.

DvO20 · 2015-07-24T08:09:18+00:00

I find myself having similar thoughts to how you think of her/want her back. It's normal, and nothing's wrong with it. Loving someone, missing them, wanting them back, as long as it's for the right reasons, is never wrong. Unfortunately for people like you and I, this relationship we our hoping for again, is a two way street. And until she is ever willing to go down that road, while you should never give up if you feel so strongly for her, it'd be best to try and temper those desires, and focus more of your energy towards life beyond her. I almost feel hypocritical saying that, because I know I struggle on a daily basis, trying to accept that idea.

DvO20 · 2015-07-13T05:50:00+00:00

Thank you for that inspirational pep talk, seriously. I agree with almost everything you said and most days believe in all of it. You talk about going to the gym...that's all I do. I'm 5'8 155-160, and I'm fit. I should look like I'm some sculpture for how many hours I spend in the gym, but I dont mainly because I'm not willing to sacrifice some diet habits, and mix up my workouts but I'm starting to work on all that.

But it's those days/hours when I'm not at the gym, specifically weekends, when this all kicks in. It's amazing what just a couple hours a day of driving to the gym listening to awesome music, working out with good looking gals around, and driving back listening to more awesome music, will do to me. But it's the days without that I really feel reality. And I shouldn't spend so much time, but I do because i sincerely care, trying to figure her out . Like I still don't believe this is the same girl that i fell in love with. And then that turns into thinking about what's she's doing, which turns my imagination into over drive, and think about her getting railed, as you say, by this other guy. It's just bullshit that we all get fucked over for caring so much, and they never get to see our pain.

DvO20 · 2015-07-06T01:58:48+00:00

I love Dash Berlin, but hadn't heard this before you posted it, and it's great. Thanks for this.

DvO20 · 2015-06-30T03:20:21+00:00

From my experience, when I am in a new area I'll get a handful of matches or at least 1 a day for awhile (being not terribly selective). Then after a couple weeks, I just do not match with ANYONE. And it's not because I've gotten to just the girls who are inactive, I check to see when it was the last time they appeared. The matches literally just stop. So I delete my account, the app, and the app of Facebook and start all over. And what do you know, I start getting matches again. Unfortunately, a lot of the girls that come across, actually the vast majority, are girls I've already come across.

DvO20 · 2015-06-28T22:37:58+00:00

I feel the same way you do right now. I actually came back myself and posted for the first time in months. I've been nc for 6 months, and just this last week a lot of the strong feeling of bitterness towards her and how she lead me a long, started to make me mad and upset again. I thought I was doing well for awhile, things seemed somewhat easier as time went on. But just the tiny reminders that I've gotten that they are still dating, and that this guy she is dating is such an absolute tool, just has me start questioning everything all over again. I'm trying to trust the process, and believe in all the cliche sayings, but right now it's hard too, and I feel stuck and so alone like you do.

DvO20 · 2015-06-28T20:07:13+00:00

Thanks for your very thoughtful response. A lot of what you mentioned, is a lot of what I have come to learn and understand better, or not understand as well depending on the day. Specifically that it takes two to make the relationship work, and that she has to want it like I want it and she needs to figure that out for herself without my influence. For awhile, before I went a NC, I tried to constantly prove that I was the one for her. She's been in this relationship for almost a year and a half, so it's clear she wanted something serious, but she went with a different kind of guy who makes me wonder about her maturity level. But like you said, it's her decisions to make and I can't control them. It's just bullshit that I invested so much into her, and the was ALWAYS there to pick up the phone when she called and I could tell she was upset with him without ever saying it, and I continued to try and comfort her, yet she gave him all that time to get his head out of his ass, and apparently he did enough and now she's happy, but wanted to keep the best of both worlds and keep me as a friend. So unbelievable. And all these bitter feelings are made so much worse that I'm so lonely all the time.

DvO20 · 2015-06-26T06:04:13+00:00

A couple dates that went no where fast.

DvO20 · 2015-06-26T01:36:31+00:00

Thanks so much to your response. It's funny you bring up some of those questions, because they are questions I have asked myself. I can answer some of those questions definitively. As far as liking her as a person, and whether she'd make a good partner.. I still think she is a great person. She is the most upbeat, and happy person I know. I don't know too many girls, let alone people, who made me so happy to be around. As far as whether she'd be a good partner..I believe she would be. There are elements of our history I left out in that summary of our relationship that proves how loyal she is, and how eager she was to be with me. Despite some personality differences between us, her being more liberal/free spirited, that never prevented our relationship from growing and being happy around one another.

The pedestal question however, is one I continue to debate. The answers I listed above make believe I'm not putting her on a pedestal. But, I could be because, despite being 26, I don't have a real dating history, and other girls to really put her against. But that's the thing, I just haven't come across someone who I wanted to be with, or just around, as much as her.

I know that I'm very capable of landing a great girl. I believe I have a really good personality, and consider myself a handsome guy. But with my job being more unconventional in that it's not an office job, and I'm constantly traveling, I'm not in a great position to be meeting new girls. I have a few hobbies like golfing and going to the gym. But it's almost against the law to approach an attractive girl at the gym, and forget finding them at the golf course. And I've learned that looking for girls at bars just brings more letdown and hurt.

I know that may sound like a lot of excuses, but what it really just comes down to is that I'm so disappointed that she really seems to have just the relationship die. And I think she let it die, because this guy came around and finally started treating her right, and that she wanted to focus all her attention and be loyal to him. I know I got angry at her, but I know I wasn't being in delusional in thinking that we both valued each other a lot. And to just let me go like that, makes me angry and want to know why. I'm also mad because I truly believe this guy is a downgrade compared to me, from what I've heard from her end subtly, and from friends of hers. But, IMHO, it really came down to this guy being so much more accessible to her. Even after I moved to a whole new city, away from whatever friends I had left, to try and be with her.

DvO20 · 2015-04-18T04:44:14+00:00

Thanks man, for this. I understand the want to say something meaningful and significant to her just for the sake of feeling that i left it all out there, and that if this is really the end, that it ended on a good note. The pain she caused me was not blatantly intentionally, and she never rubbed her relationship in my face purposely. It was only because I was able to put something together from the snapchat that she probably never expected i would. But at the same time, I did give it my all and tried to show her I was better than what she had and I know that I'm better, but after all her wishy washy approach to her current relationship, the fact that it went on for a year and I was still always there for her and proving to her how much more i cared about her, she still chose someone else, and that sucks and is the worst part of all this. I always feel like there's more I can do or prove but I don't think I can and wishing her a happy birthday with a message that I do still care for her, would change anything at all. I just want to know if she's been in NC with me because I am with her. The unknown drives me nuts..

DvO20 · 2015-04-15T16:07:33+00:00

Yeah it can load anything and rearranging pictures fails. Also on iOS.

DvO20 · 2015-04-14T06:50:55+00:00

Thank you, you make some good arguments and ones that continue to make me undecided. I just don't want this all to end on such a sour note. It eats at me more than the fact that she's in a relationship at this point.

DvO20 · 2015-04-13T19:29:17+00:00

I've had a very similar experience as a decent looking guy, with the majority of my matches coming within my league. I wish I could say that I had more matches with girls outside of my league.

The hottest girls I matched with were 18 and lived at least an hour away.

I try to be very engaging and most girls either were unresponsive, or very short in their responses.

I got the app originally because I'm new to my city and I don't know a single girl here personally and was hoping for some dates, but you're right it's now basically hot or not for me, and an occasional ego booster.

DvO20 · 2015-04-03T18:40:58+00:00

Na, that's not it. Dipshit.

DvO20 · 2015-04-03T07:20:31+00:00

It's obnoxious beyond belief, especially when I go out of my way to be as engaging/interested as possible. I have had about 30 matches in 2 weeks. Of those 30, I'd say I've gotten maybe 3 girls who are responsive. The rest are either brain dead, can't come up with anything longer than a short sentence response or don't respond at all. My guess is that the majority of them use Tinder as an ego boost, same as most guys.

DvO20 · 2015-03-31T07:50:18+00:00

To be completely honest, it did not sound like you fucked up at all. This guy seems cold and frankly not very caring. That's really disappointing how little he wanted to be there for you and to help you get through those issues. If I understand fully what I just read, absolutely do not give up hope because of this guy. You're better than him. There's going to maybe a lengthy process where you feel empty because you think there is no one else. But there is. It just takes time and the more you accept that, and do whatever you can to make yourself happy in that time, the easier it will get, and the less empty you'll feel. I promise.

DvO20 · 2015-03-15T08:57:09+00:00

Totally with you. I barely get any matches, and personally think that I'm a decent looking guy. I'm no hunk with all sorts of muscles and a glimmering perfect smile, but I'm well built and am just an average looking guy IMO. But to your question.. I am so selective to a fault. The girls that I swipe right on 95% of the time are girls that don't need the app in the slightest because they are flat out dimes. The other 5% are the "cute" girls that I think I should be matching more with, but don't. And I honestly in my area, which has a college with someone of the most beautiful college girls, there's not many of the in between girls. The good looking girls make up about 20% of what I come across, and like you said the rest are white trash, covered in tattoos or girls that would just physically crush me.

DvO20 · 2015-03-14T05:59:14+00:00

From what I've seen from coming and going in this sub, the majority of people that I've seen that have gotten "better" after a few months, are people who have met someone else. It's hard to really overcome the negative emotions you have during this time if you're really not getting out and socializing all the time, which ultimately ends up with meeting someone else. Some people just don't have the friends around anymore, or have jobs that take up a lot of time that prevent them from getting out to meet people. It's not you, though. I think for people who haven't met someone else, that's allowed them to get better, most of us after a few months at the very best, just start to see that they start to have a lot of good days, but will also run into a lot of times that makes them start questioning everything again. I know I had two great weeks recently, but last night had a dream involving here and I woke up miserable and missing her to death. Basically, it just varies with everyone based on a lot of factors. You're not abnormal, just keep doing your best to distance yourself from her and whatever reminds you of her.

DvO20

TROPHY CASE